trust Archives - Being Me, Myself.

Moving the Goalposts

By Ife J. Ibitayo

After a year of writing, editing, (attempted) fundraising, and polishing, I’ve completed my first comic book. Some of my friends have asked me how it feels to have finished Let My People Ball #1, but I don’t have much to say. I’m hurriedly preparing for Los Angeles Comic Con next month, still trying to figure out this behemoth called “social media marketing”, and already iterating on Let My People Ball #2.

The Goalposts

If I’m honest with myself, one reason I’ve plowed ahead is that reflection can be painful. Looking back on this past year, seeing all the false starts, mistakes, and sacrifices, I have to ask myself, “Has it been worth it?” And I must answer this question with 20-20 hindsight and 0-0 foresight.

I’ve been watching the hit TV show Suits on Netflix recently, and it’s made me acutely aware of some of the logical fallacies I too easily fall into. One of them is called moving the goalposts “in which evidence presented in response to a specific claim is dismissed and some other (often greater) evidence is demanded.”

In this specific case, the goal is achievement. “You wrote a book? Heh, good for you,” mocks the derisory voice in my head. That milestone is worth celebrating when I’ve sold my thousandth book. Scratch that! We can pop champagne once I’m a New York Times Bestseller.

But the truth is that when we make our achievement contingent on outcomes that are largely out of our control, we deprive ourselves of the joy we need to eventually get there.

The True Story

There is another, more nefarious side to this dogged “achieve-ism”. When we neglect to acknowledge our accomplishments, we are also dismissing what God has accomplished through us. The Apostle Paul said to “Rejoice in the Lord always and give thanks to Him in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:16, 17). But we often make our praise contingent on what God has done for us rather than who He is to us. We withhold our gratitude and thanksgiving because deep down, we must see God’s goodness to believe it. We doubt the story He’s writing in the ink of our sweat and tears truly has a happy ending.

Conclusion

So I say to you, fellow author, land that publishing deal. You, striving athlete, win that championship. Or if you’re Gen Z—like my little brother, “get that bag.” But remember that the most important things in life can’t be mounted on your mantle or summed up in your bank account.

If you’ve finished composing the greatest sonnet the world will never hear, celebrate! You graduated from college without a job? You still made it! Sometimes we need to validate our hard work first and trust that the glory will follow later. And as we wait, we can rejoice in our God who works together all things for our good and His glory.

“Do no throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.”

(Hebrews 10:35)

Death, Taxes, and Setbacks

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Benjamin Franklin famously claimed there are only two certainties in life—death and taxes. But I’d like to posit one more: setbacks. And put simply, setbacks suck. They suck the joy out of our day, the wind out of our sails, and the life out of our bodies. When our company lays us off or our girlfriend suggests we “take a break” or our long-awaited callback never comes, we can be driven to despair. With tears streaming down our faces, we may ask, “God, where are you?”

Death

My most recent setback made me think of the story of Lazarus. This man was one of Jesus’ closest friends when He walked here on this earth. But when his sisters, Mary and Martha, told Him “the one whom He loved was sick” (John 11:3), He waited, He lingered, and He delayed. By the time He arrived on the scene, the man was already dead.

Martha confronted Jesus and cried, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” In response, Jesus said, “Your brother will rise again.” And Martha replied, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day” (John 11:21-24). In other words, “Eventually, You will make this right.”

God tells us that He is in control. He was at the beginning, and He knows the ending. And Romans 8:28 says that “all things work together for the good of those who love Him.” But often it can be all too tempting to hedge this promise with the word “eventually”.

Taxes

It’s kind of like when the IRS takes too much money out of our paycheck so they make it up to us in our tax return the following year. Similarly, some of us might believe God has written us an eternal IOU–to be paid after we die. Maybe after this life, in the sum balance of things, we will appreciate this point of pain. But at this moment, it feels like God has forgotten that we’re still among the living.

But Jesus challenged Martha to enter into an even deeper level of faith by telling her “I am the resurrection and the life” (John 11:25). Then He asked her to roll away the stone where Lazarus’s body was laid. In other words, He was asking her to have faith not just for the ending somewhere out there but also for the middle right here and now.

Life Beyond Setbacks

God is a God of detail. The Old Testament is full of chapter upon chapter detailing the minutia of God’s dwelling places here on earth, the garments of His earthly priests, and the hundreds of ceremonial laws God had in place for the Jewish people. And this detail extends to us. When Jesus said that “even the very hairs of our heads are all numbered,” (Matthew 10:30), He was not pointing out an OCD fixation of the godhead. He was demonstrating that God cares about the details even we tend to overlook.

The same applies to God’s plans for our lives. God told the prophet Jeremiah, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). God knew about that bombed interview, accounted for that failed exam, and prepared for that missed flight long before we even existed. Our moments of misfortune cannot negate the unfailing promises God has in store for us, or else He’d cease to be God.

Remind, Rely, and Rejoice

So, what do we do in the midst of setbacks? We remind, rely, and rejoice.

First, we remind ourselves of God’s faithfulness in the past because we will forget. Our brains have a well-known tendency to deeply imprint negative experiences and neglect positive ones called negativity bias. Therefore, we must actively work to call to mind those moments in the past when God came through for us.

Secondly, we must rely on God to guide us past our setbacks. One of my favorite verses in all of Scripture comes from the book of 1 Kings. In the middle of a war between the Israelites and a fierce rival of theirs at that time called the Arameans, God said, “Because the Arameans think the Lord is a god of the hills and not of the valleys, I will deliver all this great army into your hand” (1 Kings 20:28). Sometimes we fall into this same fallacy. We claim God’s provision in our triumphs but we neglect His grace in our setbacks. God is with us both on the hills and in the valleys.

And lastly, but possibly most important of all, we must rejoice during our difficulties. The gospel singer Marvin Sapp has a song called “Praise Him in Advance” that begins with these words:

I’ve had my share of ups and downs,

Times when there was no one around,

God came and spoke these words to me,

Praise will confuse the enemy.

It confuses the enemy because most of us tend to base our happiness on our present circumstances. If times are good, we praise God, but when they’re bad, we doubt Him. But thanksgiving has the power to turn our focus from our problems and our pain to God’s power and God’s plan.

Conclusion

Setbacks may be inevitable but so is the Lord’s provision. The Word says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand” (Psalm 37:23-24). Our heavenly Father gives us permission to admit we may not be quite perfect yet. We can confidently trip our way through life because He’s holding us up. He’s been holding our hand from the day we were born, and He will continue to do so until the day we die.

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
(Deuteronomy 31:8)

The Long Middle

By Ife J. Ibitayo

A Kickstarter launch is like the start of a new relationship. The hot rush of anticipation and trepidation flooded my system as I embarked on this exciting adventure. Everyone I know and even some people I don’t took notice as we blasted off.

But like all glittery new things, my Kickstarter too has grown a little old. A couple weeks in, the initial adrenal rush of backers has puttered out; the money has dried up; and I’m left with a gap to fill both temporally and financially. When this moment arrived, I knew I’d hit the Long Middle of my campaign.

The Kickstarter Stages of Grief

To continue with the relationship metaphor, the Long Middle can be like a very painful, very visible breakup. The world watches as you flail about, trying to salvage the sinking ship of your grandiose ideals of instant fame and fortune. (Well, as much fame and fortune as 500 fans and $5,000 dollars can get you.) You’ll tailspin through the stages of grief:

Denial—“There’s no way this will fail. God won’t let this fail. I won’t let this fail. No matter what, we’ll find a way to make this work.”

Anger—“How could this be happening to me? I did everything right! I don’t deserve this!”

Bargaining—“If only I’d spent more time on this, tried a little harder, done a little more, we wouldn’t be here.”

Depression—“We’re never going to make it. It’s all over.”

I’m pretty sure I’d already hit all these major notes by Day 2.

While this might sound a little premature, I think that we all spend most of our lives navigating this nebulous gray region that is the Long Middle. Life is not so much full of beginnings and endings as it is middles. Our new job, new spouse, and new child will all eventually become just our job, spouse, and child. The newness will fade, and we will have to grapple with the choices we’ve made that led to where we are today.

When the new inevitably grows old, we have a very important question to answer, will we thrash or will we trust?

Thrashing vs. Trusting

I, for one, have spent a lot of time thrashing. I think to myself, if I send out one more post or release one more TikTok video or email one more influencer, maybe that’ll unlock the key to reaching our funding goal. Many of my friends have been quick to correct me saying, “That’s not thrashing, that’s hustling. You got to do what you’ve got to do.” But when my project makes me have trouble falling asleep at night, and I find myself contemplating it as soon as I wake up in the morning, and I feel guilty stepping away from my computer during the day, I don’t think there’s a meaningful distinction between the two. It’s far less about what I do and far more about how I feel.

Conversely, trust is not a cessation of activity, but finding peace in the midst of it. In the words of an Old Testament prophet, “Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit” (Jeremiah 17:7-8). Or to put it in the slightly more modern terms of the Philadelphia 76ers, “Trust the process.”

Conclusion

With less than two weeks left to go in our Kickstarter campaign, I’m still holding out hope that we can make our dream a reality. And I’m continuing to work toward that goal every day. But I’m trying to strive toward it from a place of faith over fear and by trusting rather than thrashing.

Let My People Ball Kickstarter Progress as of August 24th, 2023.

Our Kickstarter for the first issue of Let My People Ball is live from August 15th, 2023 to September 14th, 2023. If you’re as captured by the vision as we are, you can support us here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/let-my-people-ball-1/the-biballical-chronicles-let-my-people-ball-issue-1

Finding Milo

By Ife J. Ibitayo

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, I was clinically diagnosable by March 1^st of 2023. Out of options and out of time, I decided to give Upwork one final chance to help me find an illustrator before I went back to the drawing board. I created a new job listing, paid to have my post featured, and waited.

Within days, even more job applications began to flood in—dozens of them. I spent hours scrolling through portfolios and setting up Zoom interviews until an Upwork “Talent Specialist” connected me with one particular artist named Milo.

The Sample

From the first time I laid eyes on his portfolio, I knew there was something promising there. We jumped on a phone call together and quickly hit it off. As I discussed my vision for telling “meaning-filled” stories, he said he’d especially resonated with that line because as an LGBTQ+ creator, diversity of representation was very important to him.

And so we hammered out a timeline, and I anxiously waited for the sample that would determine our future together, or apart.

We started working together early in the week and set the first milestone for Friday. But Friday came and went without an update. As I stewed over the weekend, I began to have second thoughts. Would this initial communication snafu be indicative of the rest of our relationship?

And secondly, I’d been hoping to work with someone who shared the same faith as I did on The Biballical Chronicles because of…well, the subject matter. But Milo possessed a wildly different way of looking at the world than I did.

When the following week rolled around, I was about ready to throw in the towel. But then I saw the preliminary colored sketch Milo had drawn, and I was blown away. I viscerally felt like I was seeing the visible manifestation of my idea even at that stage of development. To put it simply, he got it.

Milo Sample — Milo’s First Colored Sketch for *Let My People Ball*

The “Break”

Conflicted, I called Milo up and told him that I’d need a couple of weeks to think about it. A few days later, I flew home for Spring Break from my graduate school program. Though, to call it a “break” might be a bit of a stretch. I spent many afternoons deep in prayer, wrestling with this decision. I phoned friends and family members as I weighed the pros and cons. Months, even years, of my future were contingent on this partnership and so were thousands of dollars in my bank account.

As endless doubts wrapped around me like choking tendrils, the drawing Milo had sent me was like a north star—a lighthouse in the middle of a sea of uncertainty. Somehow we’d bridged the chasm between our vastly different worldviews, and I saw the potential to make something beautiful together.

The Call

As my Spring “Break” wound down, I gave Milo a call. Hopeful yet tentative, I asked him if he was still willing and available to work on my project. And so, on March 27^th, 2023, I finally found my illustrator for The Biballical Chronicles.

Divine Promises and Hellish Realities

By Ife J. Ibitayo

“‘Go from your country, your people, and your father’s household to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation…I will make your name great…and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you’” (Genes 12:1-4). God made Abraham this promise when he was 75 years old. If I were an old man with no offspring and no land, I think I would have taken God up on His offer too. In a few years, I’d be dead, and by then I’d birth a nation, enter the Biblical Hall of Fame, and bless the world. But God failed to tell Abraham he’d wait twenty-five years for his son to be born (Genesis 21:5) and be homeless for the rest of his life (Hebrews 11:9). If only that had been included in the disclaimer before Abraham signed the rest of his life away.

And this wasn’t a one-off oversight either. God didn’t clue Joseph into the years of hardship that awaited him before his brothers finally bowed before him. God neglected to tell Moses that by abandoning his regal palace in Egypt, he’d wind up wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, twice! And David did not simply topple Goliath and ascend the throne. Two long decades in caves, backwater towns, and a foreign country awaited the shepherd boy before he finally claimed what was rightly his.

Viewing all these cases together, a disturbing pattern emerges of divine promises tempered by hellish realities. Could there be any reason for this painful dichotomy?

Divine Promises

Just like any good parent, God is intimately familiar with His children. He knows what makes us tick, what inspires us, and what worries us. If God told us (like He did Paul), “I will show him how much he must suffer for My name’s sake,” (Acts 9:16), He wouldn’t have to waste His breath showing any of us the exit.

Church planter Tom Bennardo describes God’s selective revelation like this: “The mental image God bestows graciously draws us into privileged participation in a journey we won’t regret when it’s done, but one that we might not have been willing to enter if we had known the entire plan in advance.” Marriage, children, college, and a host of other critical life choices brim with promise. Yet they’re simultaneously filled with tears. Tremendous highs and incredible lows are tandem twins in this life. But because of a psychological phenomenon known as loss aversion, we take losses much harder than we appreciate gains. This is one key reason why God is willing to show us the glory ahead of time, but He lets the difficulties surprise us.

Hellish Realities

Further, no matter how we choose to live our life, pain is all but guaranteed. We are resident aliens in a fallen world. So broken bones and shattered dreams shouldn’t surprise us here on planet earth. Yet they do! And as they accumulate, discouragement will rear its ugly head like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. That is why God gives us promises.

“When God made His promise to Abraham, He wanted to make the unchanging nature of His purpose very clear so that we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged” (Hebrews 6:13, 17, 18). Promises give us something to hold on to as we wait. Every “also ran”, romantic breakup, and failed business venture is not the end of the line, but a link on the unbroken chain to the vision God has so firmly implanted on our hearts.

Conclusion

Christian Comedian Yvonne Orji wrote a book titled Bamboozled by Jesus: How God Tricked Me into the Life of My Dreams. And I agree with the tongue in cheek sentiment of her pithy work. Like a master of legerdemain, sometimes it feels like God shows us one thing but slips us something else. But every good and perfect gift comes from God (James 1:17). And this includes both the vision we see and the present we receive from His hand.

“’You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.’”

(Matthew 7:9-11)

I Thank God for His Promises (I Thank God For… Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I still remember my first crush. She was a gorgeous Asian beauty, and I was a bumbling fifth grader. In my brilliant elementary school wisdom, I had to share my secret with somebody. So I swore one of my closest friends to secrecy and divulged the name of my crush to him. The very next day, like clockwork, everyone at school knew. My crush avoided me, and a bully in my class pranked me mercilessly for the next several months. From that unhappy experience I learned the life lesson that no one can be trusted to keep their promises.

And we’ve all been there. Whether it be our spouse, parent, or coworker, someone we trusted has betrayed our trust. A pop singer once sang: “How can I learn how to trust again? How can I learn how to trust? How can I learn how to love again when everything turns to dust?” When trust is so easily broken and so hard to restore, is anyone in the world truly worthy of it?

God is Not a Man

Ironically, out of the mouth of a pagan soothsayer named Balaam, the LORD says, “‘God is not a man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Does He speak and not act? Does He promise and not fulfill’” (Numbers 23:19)? God Himself claims to be the one being in all of existence who will never let us down. He will never default on His promises. He will never fail to come through.

But there can often feel like there is a divide between the God we hope for and the God we know. There’s the God who saved our loved one from cancer, restored our failing marriage, and delivered our prodigal child. But that’s not the God we know. We’ve seen the sorrow of daily living which can sometimes make even the deepest Biblical promises feel trite and unreliable.

Yet, every week this year I reread Romans 8:32, which says, “Since God did not spare even His own Son but gave Him up for us all, won’t He also give us everything else?” From the eternal vantage point of our everlasting salvation, etched on our hearts through the shed blood of Jesus Christ, I’ve found the comfort to put my trust in God. For only through Him are trouble, hardship, persecution, hunger, need, and danger powerless to separate me from the love of God (Romans 8:35). And so I can take God at His word when He promises, “‘Though the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, My steadfast love shall never leave you, and My covenant of peace shall never be removed,’ says the LORD, who has compassion on you” (Isaiah 54:10).

Conclusion

A mantra I repeat probably on a weekly basis is “trust is the hardest part.” I don’t trust readily, and I don’t trust easily. But when Christ extends His nail-pierced palms to me, I know if there is any place in the world I can rest the weight of my world, it is there and there alone.

“No word from God will ever fail.”
(Luke 1:37)

I Thank God for Gratitude (I Thank God For… Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

About this time five years ago, I was a dispirited engineering graduate student. I experienced discouragement daily, frustration weekly, and hopelessness monthly. I vomited my heart’s content to God in prayer week after week. But one afternoon, He interrupted me with two words: “Thank Me.”

The thought struck me like a glancing blow to the head. It was so far out of left field that I dismissed it and carried on lamenting. But God repeated, “Thank Me.”

I shot back, “Don’t you know what I’m going through? Why on earth should I thank You?” But from that day forward, God began to teach me the essential value of gratitude.

Be Grateful for the Mundane

Christian author and artist Joni Eareckson Tada once had a mentor who started off every day by saying, “I thank you God for giving me arms that move and legs that walk.” Joni found this acknowledgment ridiculous until she found herself paralyzed from the neck down years later.

When we focus on our problems, pain, or poverty, we often neglect the silent blessings that God gifts us every day. From the bed I lay on at night to the clothes I slip on in the morning, the sandwich I eat for lunch or the job I clock out of for dinner, each day is filled with a multitude of blessings we’ve grown used to. When we take the time to explicitly enumerate such graces, we can appreciate how blessed our life remains even when it is filled with staggering difficulties.

Be Grateful in the Bad

Furthermore, there is often good to be found in the bad if we dare to look for it. In fifth grade, my tonsils swelled in my throat. I collapsed out of my chair as I struggled to breathe, and my teacher called an ambulance. I could not believe that the paramedics were coming for me, of all people.

But I still remember my relief when my mom arrived on the scene and my heartfelt gratitude for a kind letter a classmate gave me the following day. There are very few other moments in my life that I felt as loved and supported as I did that week in spite of the terror of gasping for air. Even though the good to be found in bad situations may not be evident, that doesn’t mean it’s nonexistent.

Be Grateful for Our God

Lastly, gratitude focuses our minds on the greatness of our good God rather than the badness of our evil problems. The psalmist Asaph once said, “When the earth and all its people quake, it is God who holds its pillars firm” (Psalm 75:3). If God can steady Los Angeles when it quakes (which it does thirty times a day), He can surely steady my life when I’m shaken by stress or distress. Such reminders grant us fresh perspective on our challenging life circumstances.

Conclusion

From the day I made a habit of gratitude—thanking God daily in my prayers and keeping a list of ten things I am grateful for each evening, my master’s experience improved. My circumstances hadn’t changed. Several months passed before tangible signs of hope entered the test cell I slaved in day and night. But the transformation within me directly impacted my view of the world around me. And that is why I’ve found gratitude to not be the product of a good life but the input that produces a beautiful one.

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

(1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Life is Too Short to Live Too Fast

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Life in any big city, from Los Angeles to New York City, will tend to be fast paced. There is so much to do and too much to be done. But the push to live faster will manifest in a distinct way for each of us.

The Hustle Mentality

The first manifestation is the hustle mentality: “I live to work.” I struggle with this mindset the most. And seeing the dozens of phone lines that exist for Workaholics Anonymous, I know I’m not alone.

I hustle because time always feels like it’s of the essence. Lazy Saturdays are wasted Saturdays. What am I doing with my life if I’m not striving toward my God-given dreams? If I’m not working on them, who is?

The Hustle Cure

When God places a vision on your heart, He is the one who is ultimately responsible for them, not you. And accepting this reality is the first step toward healing from the hustle mentality.

However, this is an especially bitter pill for me to swallow. As a child of immigrants, I was taught that hard work was the solution to every problem. Your grades are low? Work harder. Your quarterly performance reviews are bad? Work harder. You’re 30 and you’re not married yet? Work harder.

But God Himself sternly rebukes this mindset. “‘If you repented and patiently waited for Me, you would be delivered; if you calmly trusted in Me you would find strength, but you are unwilling’” (Isaiah 30:16). Waiting on God and resting in His promises are key to overcoming the need to hustle.

The Hangover Mentality

At the other extreme is the hangover mentality: “I live to party.” At business school, you might imagine how common this mindset is. Party, crash, repeat, and the cycle continues until the funds run dry or the consequences come calling.

At the heart of this mindset lies a fear of the future. With greater responsibility and less freedom lying ahead, when else will we get a chance to kickback like we’re doing now?

The Hangover Cure

Ironically, the cure to this problem is actually the same as the cure to the hustle mindset: waiting on God and resting in His promises. Overindulgence arises from a scarcity mindset. “If I don’t indulge now, I may never again have the chance to.” And there is some truth in that. There are very few forty-years-old I know who spend their Saturday nights at epic ragers. And even fewer geriatrics who can bust a move at the club. But there is life after youth. Older age brings joys that younger years cannot: legacy, perspective, and family. If we pace ourselves now and plan our futures well, we can make the most of our current enjoyment and still be around to reminisce about it later.

Conclusion

In the book of Ecclesiastes, the wise King Solomon says, “It is good to grasp the one and not let the other slip from your hand. For he who fears God will avoid all extremes” (Ecclesiastes 7:18). As human beings, we tend to the extreme. Our compass will direct us to work too hard or play too hard because we’re trying to live life too fast. But we need to know when to slow down, so that we can make the most of our short lives here on earth.

“‘Stop striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted on the earth.'”

(Psalm 46:10)

Learning the Art of Rejectomancy

By Ife J. Ibitayo

A leadership development program rejected me last week. I was doubly surprised, first at my pride for assuming I’d be accepted in the first place and second that I took it so hard. I’ve been rejected by hundreds of magazine editors, dozens of schools, and plenty of women. I’d assumed that by now I’ve become an expert at “rejectomancy.” Yet every fresh refusal still doubles me over like Mike Tyson’s body blow.

Am I Worthy?

The first thing rejection challenges is our worthiness: “Am I deserving of your time, attention, and interest?” When a person, friend group, or company rejects us, we can be tempted to doubt our self-worth. We can struggle to distance our resume from the person God made. And we can struggle to imagine a future apart from the opportunity that just slammed in our faces.

But God says, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). This verse doesn’t mean that “when one door closes another opens.” There are worthwhile opportunities that for whatever reason we end up missing out on in this life. However, it does mean that there is “an expected end” that God has qualified us for regardless of the opportunities we miss.

Am I Special?

The second thing rejection touches on is specialness: “Am I beyond the ordinary?” From the day I was born, I reveled in my unique qualities. I was happy being the only black boy among a see of Mexican faces in the Rio Grande Valley. I always identified in contrast to the crowd rather than with it. But rejections fly in the face of that illusion. For example, “We received so many strong applicants this year…” but apparently, I wasn’t one of them.

Every striver on the face of this planet will encounter this situation at least once in their lives. They were once a big fish in a small pond, then they’re plopped into the ocean filled with sharks and humpback whales. We stumble across giants, and we can’t help but compare ourselves to them.

This truth is why Ephesians 2:10 resonates so deeply within me, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” We may not be the best public speaker in our family, but there’s someone who needs our encouragement today. We may not be the world’s most talented businessperson, but there is work God has uniquely fashioned for us to champion. Our specialness is derived from the special plan God has in store for us, not the other way around.

Conclusion

According to writer Aeryn Rudel–who popularized the term “rejectomancy,” “Rejectomancy is the skill writers must master in order to weather the slings and arrows that come from putting their work out for public consumption. It’s the skill of accepting rejection letters, bad reviews, negative comments—all with grace and dignity—and still having the gumption to carry on writing.”

We all must learn how to apply a bit of rejectomancy to our lives as creators, entrepreneurs, and regular human beings. Rejection will come. But having the grace and dignity to accept it and keep on pursuing our passions, is a decision each of us must make.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.”

(Hebrews 10:35-36)

Is Sharing Caring?

By Ife J. Ibitayo

After years of awkward conversations surrounding the question, “What’s your Instagram handle?” I finally setup my own account: @ifethestoryteller. I consider myself an old soul in the worst of senses. I’ve cracked Dad jokes since I was a teenager. My father is the one who’s always pushed me to adopt new technology (Apple should start paying him a commission). And I don’t understand social media. When I asked my friends, “How do you Instagram?” they struggled to reply. It was like asking them how to ride a bike or when an old man at Chick-fil-A asked me how text messages work. Apparently, millennials hold this truth to be self-evident: “All men are created equal and are endowed with the unalienable right to share every detail of their lives with the world.”

To Share or Not To Share

This past weekend, I finally finished putting together my apartment. I hung my last painting and unpacked my last box. And I strongly considered posting some pictures of my place on my Instagram account. But I hesitated. With just a few seconds of consideration, I realized how much others could learn about me from those couple pictures. From the quality of his furniture to the painting he hangs above his mantle, you can learn a lot about a man from his living room. And I wasn’t quite ready to share that with anyone who stumbled on my Instagram account. This raised a couple important questions for me, “Why do we share?” and “who should we share with?”

The Benefits of Sharing on Social Media

To share is human. The primary reason God transformed man into mankind is because “it’s not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). We need others to relate with, engage with, and do life with. Even the staunchest introvert in the world needs friendship. So steps in social media.

Facebook’s mission statement is “to give people the power to share and make the world more open and connected.” And in many ways, it’s achieved its mission. I have cousins I haven’t seen in person in years, but I know about their marriages, new jobs, and firstborn children. Social media has provided countless touchstones for me to keep up with the going-ons of people I care about (and others I frankly don’t)!

The Limitations of Sharing on Social Media

But at the same time, I’ve found social media to be like a mirage. It gives the impression of knowing others and the facsimile of being known, but only on the terms others dictate and only through the filter I apply.

If my mother only knows as much about me as JonDoe3 who follows me on Instagram, we have a problem. There is so much I don’t share online. In me “there are multitudes”, warring contradictions I siphon out of my neatly labeled posts and reels.

There are certain feelings that can only be shared in person and only with a select few people. All too often, that group can shrink to none. Trust takes time to build. It also takes proximity. There is healing that comments and likes can never give me. That is why I can only be so committed to my Instagram feed. For me to know others and truly be known by them requires coffee breaks, dinners, and weekend getaways. It requires a level of commitment that social media will never demand yet offers a level of reward that social media can’t provide.

Conclusion

So every time I post, I have to ask myself, “Is sharing caring?” If the world doesn’t care about my latest failure, do I have friends that do? And is Instagram the best way to let them know? As I finish this post, I think it’s time for me to shut down my laptop and pick up my cellphone.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

(Hebrews 10:24-25)