Tag: doubt

Come Fund Me

By Ife J. Ibitayo

As a child, I never went door-to-door to “Save the Whales”. And for slightly more obvious reasons, you’d never find me selling Girl Scout cookies. Charity was something I gave (out of my $10 a month allowance), not something I received. But then I grew up, started a company, and realized that fundraising is probably my most important job of all. And the wellspring for any successful fundraiser begins with friends and family.

Let My People Ball Kickstarter Launch
Let My People Ball Kickstarter Page on Launch

Hey Friend!

In the weeks leading up to our first Kickstarter, I made a comprehensive list of all the friends I’ve accumulated over the years. As the list ballooned into the hundreds, I realized that there was one profound benefit that had arisen from having moved every few years since childhood: I had come to know and be known by a lot of people. A few of these friends I’ve remained in contact with throughout the years. But most of my conversations began a bit like this:

Hello Mrs. Jackson! I was a student in your English class in middle school! I know it’s been a decade since we last spoke, but…

Hey Chris! I heard about the new job! It’s awesome to see that you’re finally pursuing your dream! You know I also recently made a career change…

Hi Marisol! Congrats on the new baby! Do you want to know what I’ve been working on for the past 9 months…

Alright, my words might not have been so tongue-in-cheek, but it felt pretty darn close sometimes.

Will You Fund Me?

I was reaching out to people who I used to have a meaningful connection to long ago. But the sands of time had eroded our friendship over the years. Before each text, Facebook message, or email I wondered if many of these people would even remember me, or worse still I worried if my outreach would destroy any vestige of goodwill that might have lasted between us.

But instead of my deep-seated fears, the overwhelming response was deeply encouraging. From grad school, college, high school, and even touching back to elementary, friends of mine acknowledged my plea. They hadn’t forgotten me and further, they were happy to contribute to my vision.

Conclusion

One of the greatest highlights of this Kickstarter campaign has simply been the opportunity to reconnect. Some of my friends have changed drastically over the years. They’re living in new states with new careers and young families. But still much has remained the same. I had the opportunity to commiserate with a number of my rekindled compadres over our shared memories and made up a tiny bit for the lost time between us. And if nothing else arises from this venture, I’m eternally grateful for that.

Our Kickstarter for the first issue of Let My People Ball is live from August 15th, 2023 to September 14th, 2023 and can be accessed here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/let-my-people-ball-1/the-biballical-chronicles-let-my-people-ball-issue-1

Let My People Ball Kickstarter Just Launched!
Let My People Ball Kickstarter Just Launched!

Finding Milo

By Ife J. Ibitayo

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, I was clinically diagnosable by March 1st of 2023. Out of options and out of time, I decided to give Upwork one final chance to help me find an illustrator before I went back to the drawing board. I created a new job listing, paid to have my post featured, and waited.

Within days, even more job applications began to flood in—dozens of them. I spent hours scrolling through portfolios and setting up Zoom interviews until an Upwork “Talent Specialist” connected me with one particular artist named Milo.

The Sample

From the first time I laid eyes on his portfolio, I knew there was something promising there. We jumped on a phone call together and quickly hit it off. As I discussed my vision for telling “meaning-filled” stories, he said he’d especially resonated with that line because as an LGBTQ+ creator, diversity of representation was very important to him.

And so we hammered out a timeline, and I anxiously waited for the sample that would determine our future together, or apart.

We started working together early in the week and set the first milestone for Friday. But Friday came and went without an update. As I stewed over the weekend, I began to have second thoughts. Would this initial communication snafu be indicative of the rest of our relationship?  

And secondly, I’d been hoping to work with someone who shared the same faith as I did on The Biballical Chronicles because of…well, the subject matter. But Milo possessed a wildly different way of looking at the world than I did.

When the following week rolled around, I was about ready to throw in the towel. But then I saw the preliminary colored sketch Milo had drawn, and I was blown away. I viscerally felt like I was seeing the visible manifestation of my idea even at that stage of development. To put it simply, he got it.

Milo Sample
Milo’s First Colored Sketch for Let My People Ball

The “Break”

Conflicted, I called Milo up and told him that I’d need a couple of weeks to think about it. A few days later, I flew home for Spring Break from my graduate school program. Though, to call it a “break” might be a bit of a stretch. I spent many afternoons deep in prayer, wrestling with this decision. I phoned friends and family members as I weighed the pros and cons. Months, even years, of my future were contingent on this partnership and so were thousands of dollars in my bank account.

As endless doubts wrapped around me like choking tendrils, the drawing Milo had sent me was like a north star—a lighthouse in the middle of a sea of uncertainty. Somehow we’d bridged the chasm between our vastly different worldviews, and I saw the potential to make something beautiful together.

The Call

As my Spring “Break” wound down, I gave Milo a call. Hopeful yet tentative, I asked him if he was still willing and available to work on my project. And so, on March 27th, 2023, I finally found my illustrator for The Biballical Chronicles.

Divine Promises and Hellish Realities

By Ife J. Ibitayo

“‘Go from your country, your people, and your father’s household to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation…I will make your name great…and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you’” (Genes 12:1-4). God made Abraham this promise when he was 75 years old. If I were an old man with no offspring and no land, I think I would have taken God up on His offer too. In a few years, I’d be dead, and by then I’d birth a nation, enter the Biblical Hall of Fame, and bless the world. But God failed to tell Abraham he’d wait twenty-five years for his son to be born (Genesis 21:5) and be homeless for the rest of his life (Hebrews 11:9). If only that had been included in the disclaimer before Abraham signed the rest of his life away.

And this wasn’t a one-off oversight either. God didn’t clue Joseph into the years of hardship that awaited him before his brothers finally bowed before him. God neglected to tell Moses that by abandoning his regal palace in Egypt, he’d wind up wandering in the wilderness for 40 years, twice! And David did not simply topple Goliath and ascend the throne. Two long decades in caves, backwater towns, and a foreign country awaited the shepherd boy before he finally claimed what was rightly his.

Viewing all these cases together, a disturbing pattern emerges of divine promises tempered by hellish realities. Could there be any reason for this painful dichotomy?

Divine Promises

Just like any good parent, God is intimately familiar with His children. He knows what makes us tick, what inspires us, and what worries us. If God told us (like He did Paul), “I will show him how much he must suffer for My name’s sake,” (Acts 9:16), He wouldn’t have to waste His breath showing any of us the exit.

Church planter Tom Bennardo describes God’s selective revelation like this: “The mental image God bestows graciously draws us into privileged participation in a journey we won’t regret when it’s done, but one that we might not have been willing to enter if we had known the entire plan in advance.” Marriage, children, college, and a host of other critical life choices brim with promise. Yet they’re simultaneously filled with tears. Tremendous highs and incredible lows are tandem twins in this life. But because of a psychological phenomenon known as loss aversion, we take losses much harder than we appreciate gains. This is one key reason why God is willing to show us the glory ahead of time, but He lets the difficulties surprise us.

Hellish Realities

Further, no matter how we choose to live our life, pain is all but guaranteed. We are resident aliens in a fallen world. So broken bones and shattered dreams shouldn’t surprise us here on planet earth. Yet they do! And as they accumulate, discouragement will rear its ugly head like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. That is why God gives us promises.

“When God made His promise to Abraham, He wanted to make the unchanging nature of His purpose very clear so that we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged” (Hebrews 6:13, 17, 18). Promises give us something to hold on to as we wait. Every “also ran”, romantic breakup, and failed business venture is not the end of the line, but a link on the unbroken chain to the vision God has so firmly implanted on our hearts.

Conclusion

Christian Comedian Yvonne Orji wrote a book titled Bamboozled by Jesus: How God Tricked Me into the Life of My Dreams. And I agree with the tongue in cheek sentiment of her pithy work. Like a master of legerdemain, sometimes it feels like God shows us one thing but slips us something else. But every good and perfect gift comes from God (James 1:17). And this includes both the vision we see and the present we receive from His hand.

“’You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.’”

(Matthew 7:9-11)

Go Back the Way You Came

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I’ve been receiving a lot of critical feedback recently, both solicited and unsolicited. Concerning my forthcoming book, critics have said: “I think about half of what you have so far is deadweight.” And “Your characters sound like uneducated savages.” Concerning my startup idea, I’ve heard: “You don’t have the necessary industry experience.” “You don’t have the right leadership experience.” And even, “What is your role again?”

I was surprised at how deeply these verbal shards cut even when they were spewed with the best of intentions. I began to ask myself: Why is discouragement such a powerful tool to keep us from our destiny? And why is encouragement so crucial to achieving it?

My contemplation led me to the story of Elijah in the Bible, the greatest prophet of the Old Testament. This man’s prayers caused nationwide droughts (James 5:17). He called down fire from heaven on soldiers (2 Kings 1) and sacrifices alike 1 Kings 18). Elijah was the Biblical equivalent of Aang the Last Airbender. He was set apart in his generation, imbued with enviable divine power, and achieved glorious exploits.Yet even Elijah grew discouraged.

When Jezebel, the evil queen of Israel, threatened his life, Elijah fled into the wilderness. While there, Elijah said two things that reveal the dangers of discouragement.

Going Out Into the Wilderness

First, he said, “‘I’ve had enough, LORD. Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers’” (1 Kings 19:4). When we’re discouraged, we will be tempted to compare our journey with those who’ve come before us. And prophets did not have a good track record in Israel. Nearly across the board, they were persecuted, betrayed, and murdered (Acts 7:52). So what made Elijah special?

Likewise, if we ever want to achieve anything meaningful in our lives, the stats will never be in our favor. For example, only 1 in 4 authors will find a publisher for their completed manuscript. And of these lucky few, only 1 in 100 will turn a profit. Similarly, 90% of all startups fail. Comparison to others can provide a useful dose of reality, but it can also be the quickest way to kill our ambitions before they leave the ground.

Secondly, Elijah said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected Your covenant, torn down your altars, and put Your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too” (1 Kings 19:14). When we’re discouraged, we tend to magnify our problems and minimize our progress. In so doing, we transform challenging circumstances into impossible ones.

Going Back the Way You Came

But God spoke the encouraging words this beaten down man desperately needed to hear. First, God said, “Go back the way you came,”  then He commissioned him to complete his mission (1 Kings 19:15). We will all get derailed in this life. We’ll make a string of fatal errors like Winston Churchill, or we’ll get hit by a string of unlucky breaks like Klay Thompson. But we need someone to remind us why we were taking the journey in the first place. We need someone to tell us, “Go back the way you came” if we want to end the war or win the championship.

Secondly, God told Elijah, “‘I have reserved seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him’” (1 Kings 19:18). When the voices of discouragement tell us that we will fail like everyone else did, we must remind ourselves that there are still those who’ve succeeded. And we could very well become one of them.

A number of stories written by people just like us do breakthrough. They win Pulitzer’s and Nobel Prizes. They change culture and inspire young children to dream of a brighter future. And they even inspire spinoffs, fan fiction, and subreddits.

Conclusion

When discouragement comes, we have only two options. We can stay in the wilderness and lament the loss of the naïve dream we once cherished. Or we can “go back the way we came” and keep on fighting.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

(Galatians 6:9)

Doubt (The Terrifying Trio Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Faith is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It can uproot mountains (Matthew 21:21) and tear down strongholds (Joshua 6:1-27). That is why doubt is one of Satan’s most potent weapons to attack the kingdom of God.

 Speaking of the crippling impact of doubt, the apostle James said, “When you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do” (James 1:6-8). These verses provide deep insight into the destructive power of doubt.

The Context

First, the Greek word translated “doubt” in this passage is diakrino. According to HELPS Word-studies, “diakrinos means literally to judge ‘back-and-forth’. It can refer either positively to close reasoning or negatively to over judging. Only the context indicates which sense is meant.”

Last week, I fielded over a dozen calls from various moving company representatives. Each of them tried to convince me that their organization was the right company for the job. I cross-examined, analyzed, and dissected every word they told me because I was going to entrust my most valuable possessions to them, yet I did not know or trust them. In that context, my paranoia was a healthy response to uncertainty and ensured that I chose the best company for the job.

On the other hand, I flew down to Florida last month. My mom told me that my dad was going to pick me up at the airport. I didn’t spend half an hour confirming that my dad was a better option than an Uber because I trust my father. And I can rely on him to show up when I need him the most.

Even though I confidently place trust in my earthly father, I struggle to do the same with my heavenly one. I find myself constantly questioning Him at every step along the journey. I’m like Peter who Jesus called out onto the water. I’ve seen God do the miraculous, yet I struggle to silence the whistling doubts that storm through my head, What if I can’t make this deadline? What if my bills are too high this month? What if I scared her away? And I sink into the tumultuous waves of analysis paralysis.

Conclusion

The answer to this double-mindedness is not to try harder. You can’t will a broken heart to trust God any more than you can will a broken clock to tell time. As an ocean of doubt floods my lungs, one verse gives me hope: “If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot disown Himself” (2 Timothy 2:13).

In spite of how powerful doubt is, there is yet a power greater still: our faithful Father. Just as Jesus plucked Peter out of the water and set him on solid ground, our Father will rescue us from our doubts. We just have to remember Peter’s words, “Lord, save me” (Matthew 14:30)!

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
(Hebrews 11:1)

Mary’s Magnificat Faith (New Angles on the Nativity Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

In the space of less than six months, an incredible set of coincidences occurred. The same angel declared two separate miraculous births to two righteous people who lived less than two hundred miles from each other. These two people were the elderly Zechariah and his teenage cousin Mary.

The awesome glory of the angel terrified Zechariah as the being said, “‘Don’t be afraid, Zechariah! God has heard your prayer. Your wife, Elizabeth, will give you a son, and you are to name him John’” (Luke 1:13). Skeptically, Zechariah asked, “‘How can I be sure this will happen? I’m an old man now, and my wife is also well along in years’” (Luke 1:18).

The angel replied, “I am Gabriel! I stand in the very presence of God. It was He who sent me to bring you this good news! But now, since you didn’t believe what I said, you will be silent and unable to speak until the child is born. For my words will certainly be fulfilled at the proper time’” (Luke 1:19-20).

Conversely, in this same chapter, the angel Gabriel told the virgin, “Don’t be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name Him Jesus’” (Luke 1:30-31).

She replied, “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true” (Luke 1:38). And soon after she burst into song, singing her famous Magnificat (Luke 1:46-56).

Silencing Doubt

What separated Zechariah from Mary? Was it their age, their gender? Are old men more cynical than young women? Was it the fact that the promise Zechariah received was an answer to his personal plea while Mary’s was an answer to their nation’s prayers?

I pondered these questions as I poured over this chapter. I sympathize with Zechariah’s plight. After a lifetime of waiting, trusting, and hoping, probably long after he’d given up on his dream of being called “Daddy”, he was told his wish would finally be granted. But he’d have to wait nine months to find out whether the angel’s words would prove true.

Faith is hard. I’ve had faith for many things that fell through, from college applications to romantic relationships to job opportunities. A band I used to listen to has an album called, “How Do You Fix What’s Not Easily Broken?” And I ask myself that question daily as I try to salvage the shards of broken promises. How many more times had Zechariah had to ask that question at the end of his long life on this bitter earth?

But our lack of faith does not stop God’s faithfulness! God did not retract His promise to Zechariah in spite of his faithlessness. Instead, He silenced him.

Vocal Faith

Turning to Mary, we can see her childlike faith. When an angel told her that she’d be the first virgin to give birth to a child, she believed that Almighty God was well able to do what He’d promised. Therefore she believed in her heart and declared with her mouth, “God took notice of His lowly servant girl, and from now on all generations will call me blessed. For the Mighty One is holy, and He has done great things for me’” (Luke 1:48-49).

Conclusion

Tellingly, when Zechariah’s tongue was loosed nine months later, the first words out of his mouth were praises to God as well. “‘Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because He has come to His people and redeemed them’” (Luke 1:68). When God makes a promise to us, He will keep it. So we can either praise Him now in faith. Or we can let our doubts silence us until He proves Himself faithful.

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.”

(Hebrews 11:6)

Spies and Lies (40 Years of Muttering with Moses Pt. 5)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1 on “Hope or Hopelessness”, click here. For Part 2, “Between an Army and a Watery Grave”, click here. Part 3, “Bitter Sweet”, click here. Part 4, “Worth the Wait”, click here.

At last, after years of sulking through the burning desert, eating heavenly trail mix (a.k.a. “manna”) and whining about their problems, the Israelites finally reached the Promised Land. It was a glorious land flowing with milk and honey, vineyards and orchards, and precious metals and fine wine (Deuteronomy 8:7-9). But it was also inhabited.

The Israelites sent out twelve spies to investigate the Promised Land, and it was worse than they had feared: the people of the land were powerful, and the cities well-fortified.

The Ten Spies’ Response

Seeing the great challenge that lay before them, ten of the twelve spies spun the story out of proportion. They lied to the people, “‘The land we traveled through and explored will devour anyone who goes to live there. All the people we saw were huge. We even saw giants there, the descendants of Anak. Next to them we felt like grasshoppers’” (Numbers 13:22-23a NLT)! Now why would they do that?

When we are tasked with a difficult undertaking such as going to college, kicking a bad habit, or winning a woman’s heart, convincing ourselves failure is inevitable can be far easier than chasing after success.

The People’s Response

When the Israelites were told this tall tale, they flipped out. “All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, ‘If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword’” (Numbers 14:2-3a)?

Some of us share this same tendency. We trust God when times are good but doubt Him when times get tough. We suspect He is like the sun: Present with clear skies but vanishing with the rain.

The Two Spies’ Response

The report of those ten spies drove the Israelites to hysteria. They were ready to turn tail and run all the way back to Egypt (Numbers 14:3-4)! But there was a brave remnant that did not share their terror. Joshua and Caleb, two of the twelve spies, rose up and said, “‘If the Lord is pleased with us, He will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will devour them. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them’” (Numbers 14:8-9 NIV).

Joshua and Caleb understood something about God the others did not: God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). The same God that sustained their forefathers, blasted open Pharaoh’s palace doors, and protected them in the blazing desert would topple giants before them. He would bring them into the Promised Land because He promised He would. God always keeps His promises (Hebrews 6:17-18).

God’s Response

Hearing the Israelites’ muttering, God asked Moses, “‘How long will these people treat me with contempt? Will they never believe me, even after all the miraculous signs I have done among them’” (Numbers 14:11 NLT)?

It shouldn’t take long for us to remember the amazing miracles God has done in our own lives: the illnesses He’s healed, the blessings He’s given, the hearts He’s changed, including our own. We mustn’t give in to lies about the challenges that lay before us or doubts about the God who walks along side us. If we take Him at His word, we will enter the Promised Land.

“He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it.”

(1 Thessalonians 5:24 ESV)