Tag: healing

Siren Songs and Healing Balm

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I never thought that an episode of the hit comedy Brooklyn 99 would leave me emotional. The precinct’s new police captain was a little too perfect, so the officers did everything in their power to find out what was really going on with this interloper. But in the end, all their meddling served to do was alienate the only good captain they’d ever had. That storyline hit a little too close to home for me. Have you ever pushed away a good friend or girlfriend? Have you ever committed an irreversible mistake that still haunts you till today? I have.

As I’ve quoted so often in this blog, “to err is human.” To be a member of mankind is to make mistakes, but to live with the consequences feels so inhumane. There were whole months earlier this year when I woke up every day wishing for a redo button, a groundhog day switch, that’d allow me to undo all of my poor choices. Before I knew it, I’d sunk deep into the dark tendrils of regret and bitterness.

The Siren Song of Regret and Bitterness

Why is the sorrowful siren song of regret so alluring? Because regret is a time travel tonic; sipping on it enables you to teleport yourself back to yesterday and rustle through its shattered remains looking for answers. With 20-20 hindsight you can see the better actions you could have taken and the superior words you could have spoken. You can leverage your present self to beat down your former self.

The second sickly sweet serenade comes from bitterness. Instead of internalizing blame, we unleash it on others. We blame our parents for the way they raised us (or failed to do so). We blame our life circumstances for dealing us an unfair hand. Or we blame God because with His sovereignty and divine purview, surely He is responsible for all we’ve gone through.

These two powerful emotions can shackle us to our past, rob us of our joy, and steal our destiny. But is there a third option? Is there a way to rise above the regret and bitterness of yesterday?

The Balm of Forgiveness

I think the answer begins with the balm of forgiveness. The healing power of forgiveness lies in letting go. Regret stems from holding on to unforgiveness against ourselves and bitterness springs from holding on to unforgiveness against others (including God).

However, Scripture says, “If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Forgiving ourselves means believing that we are not the same person we once were and that it’s okay to not have been the person we needed to be back then. Just as our bodily flesh replaces itself every single month, our spirit man regenerates on a day-to-day basis (2 Corinthians 4:16). And we can’t hold our past self captive to our present self’s capabilities.

Forgiving others is based on a similar principle. By maximizing grace toward others, we minimize the pain we carry in ourselves. I’ve had others threaten my friendships, my future, and even my very life, but only later have I come to know the demons they were wrestling within as they lashed out at me (Titus 3:3-6). If we judge others by our best while looking at their worst, it’s all too easy to condemn them. But considering others at their best and forgiving their worst has a way of healing our own pain over time.

The Peace of Wrestling

Lastly, there’s forgiving God, which is a strange, unseemly concept for most of us. But I believe that we can carry past hurts against God that we never deal with because we conclude that either God can’t really be who He says He is (perfect, powerful, and present) or we must be so far gone that He chose not to show us the trifecta of His loving character. But God says, “Come, let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18). The word translated “reason” in Hebrew is “yakach” and it means to “argue for the sake of bringing someone to a point of understanding.”

When God upsets us, He actually wants us to let Him know. He wants us to argue with Him and confront Him, to express the yucky feelings that we feel shouldn’t be spewed on holy ground because then He can roll up His sleeves and clean up the mess. There’s a reason God called the Hebrews the “Israelites”—”those who wrestle with God” by definition. It’s only in the struggle that we can make peace with God.

Conclusion

So, as we move out of 2024, let us not remain entrapped by the siren call of regret and bitterness. Let us choose the healing balm of forgiveness, let us find freedom, and let us practice faith for a better new year.

“Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
(Ephesians 4:32)

Hurt People Heal People

What do you think of when I say the word “pain?” I’m certain that I don’t need to jog your memory for a list of painful circumstances you might have experienced. Your current unemployment, your bout with cancer, or your messy divorce surely come to mind of their own accord. And now that I’ve triggered such unwelcome flashbacks, you must be asking why I would do such a thing. What point is there in reliving pain?

Pain Hurts

But the problem of pain is not the pain itself. From pregnancy to pull-ups, many of us will welcome pain into our lives because we already know the purpose behind it. As many expectant mothers will relate, “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world” (John 16:21). Rather the problem of pain is the problem of meaninglessness.

Meaninglessness Kills

 A close friend of mine and his wife were diagnosed with cancer within a year of one another. Another friend of mine whose been dealing with insomnia and depression recently had a miscarriage. And I had my own fresh hell at the start of this year. When answers are lacking and our wounds haven’t even scabbed over yet, empty platitudes won’t suffice. “God works all things together for good”  (Romans 8:28) doesn’t seem to cut it anymore. What “good” could possibly come from such tremendous loss?

Reframing Heals

One of our greatest superpowers as human beings is our ability to choose how we interpret our past trials. Vulnerability researcher Dr. Brene Brown once said that the power of a story is that it grants us control over our narrative. We are no longer the victim of our experiences but its author. And we can leverage that narrative authority to write a better ending for ourselves and for others.

Conclusion

We don’t have the ability to choose all the hellish things we’ll go through in this life, but we can decide if we pass that hell on to others or leverage it to drag them back from the abyss.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

The Hospital for Punk Rockers (How Christians Kill Christianity Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Punk rock was my childhood. I was deeply familiar with the greats in that space: Fall Out Boy, All Time Low, Mayday Parade and every other headache-inducing rockstar you could name. I also loved the lesser known Christian artists like Emery, Anberlin, and Hawk Nelson. But as the gnarly riffs of the early 2000s gave way to the pop electronic sounds of the 2010s, the faith of many of these Christian rockers gave way as well. I first noticed this trend with Underoath—arguably the most famous Christian screamo band of all time. In 2018, they released a brand new album called Erase Me with a different sound and a different spirit. So I unearthed an interview from their frontman Spencer Chamberlain:

“The Christian community is what ruins Christianity for me…They were putting out magazines about me being a drug addict and stuff. The whole Christian world was like ‘that’s the reason that Underoath is breaking up’…The places I was most accepted and where people would listen to me and talk to me and share stories about how they’re f—d up were the people who weren’t Christians…And they were like ‘let’s talk about it’, but in Christian bands they were like ‘let’s not’- and doesn’t that seem opposite? Doesn’t that seem very unloving and very unaccepting?”

The Museum or the Hospital

There’s good reason many who are suffering avoid the church at all costs. Sometimes we focus a little too much on the high bar of holiness without acknowledging how far we all have fallen from it (Romans 3:23). Even worse, we expect “sinners” to fix themselves before we welcome then into our congregations and homes.

Noticing this problem even in the formative years of the western church, St. Augustine argued, “The church is not a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners.” We can mistakenly believe that what others need is to “get to church” or to “read their Bible.” Now these things are good and essential components of healing, but if Jesus Christ is the Great Physician (Matthew 9:12) and we are His body (1 Corinthians 12:27), doesn’t that mean we are supposed to be little physicians too?

Galatians 6:1-2 says, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” The law of Christ doesn’t just apply when others are at their best but all the more when they’re at their worst.

Conclusion

Some of my lowest moments have been pushed even lower by misguided Christians seeking to squeeze righteousness out of my crushed vessel. But I’ve also overcome many great sins in my life because of the love and longsuffering of my spiritual family. The tempted, the addicted, the stumbling, and the fallen need us to stumble alongside them. If even we refuse to carry their burdens, who else will?

“Jesus answered them, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.'”

(Luke 5:31)

Prayer Changes Us (Prayer Changes Things Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For how “Prayer Changes Things Outside of Us”, click here.

Prayer moves mountains (Mark 11:23), heals nations (2 Chronicles 7:14), and ends droughts (James 5:17)–both physical and spiritual. God grants a dangerous amount of power to mankind through prayer. But if we reduce prayer to simply a means of changing our external circumstances, we may miss an even more amazing work of prayer: It changes us.

The Work of Prayer

I’ve cried out to God for countless prayer requests, and I’ve viscerally experienced God’s silence and God’s no. I’ve prayed for family members and seen them walk away from the faith. I’ve prayed for friends who’ve died weeks later. At times I’ve seen myself fall into the trap of tying my hope to an outcome rather than a Person. And when things don’t go my way, I’ve been tempted to say, “Prayer doesn’t work.” But prayer always works. Its work might just be in the precious, yet invisible space of our souls.

In the Garden of Gethsemane on the night Jesus was betrayed, He told Peter, “‘Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak’” (Matthew 26:41). Therefore, prayer is essential to aligning our flesh with God’s Spirit. And we cannot resist temptation without it.

E.M.  Bounds—an author, attorney, and clergyman fiercely devoted to prayer—once said, “Prayer makes a godly man, and puts within him the mind of Christ, the mind of humility, of self-surrender, of service, of pity, and of prayer. If we really pray, we will become more like God, or else we will quit praying.” I often find it’s only in that unhurried time away from my digital devices that the Holy Spirit reveals myself to me: my fears, my hopes, and my hidden sins. Only in the still place of God’s presence do I become more like Jesus and less like the man I used to be.

Conclusion

No matter how long and how hard we pray, we’re still promised trouble in this world (John 16:33). Trials and tribulation are our portion in this life if we take up our cross and follow Christ daily. But through prayer, we can endure the hardships of this Christian life well. And we will live to see all the good God has in store for us on the other side (Romans 5:3-5).

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

(Hebrews 4:16)

Humanity Was Made for Community

By Ife J. Ibitayo

This pandemic has been a harsh teacher for us all. I’ve seen just how fragile my normal life can be: Parties, holidays, and vacations can be disrupted in an instant. Dreams can been delayed for months and even years. And relationships can dissolve overnight.

There are so many people who I considered friends before the pandemic who aren’t my friends anymore. I haven’t pushed them away; I just haven’t pulled them close. And the tidal waves of time and space have caused us to drift apart. But just like fish were made for the sea and birds for the sky, humanity was made for community. But why do people need people? Why is community not a luxury but a necessity?

Community is Necessary for Conviction

Firstly, community is necessary for conviction. Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.” I love the author’s word choice of “paroxysmon”, here translated “provoke.” That Greek word means, “A provocation which literally cuts someone so they ‘must’ respond.” Love and good works are not my natural go-tos. Pizza and Netflix are more like it. But when I hear about my small group helping someone move or serving at a food pantry or setting up for a church event, I am “provoked” into action.

 Conversely, selfishness and evil deeds flourish in isolation. Proverbs 18:1 says, “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment.” I know that whenever I used to look at pornography, I didn’t go to the nearest library or visit my closest friend and open up my laptop. Rather, I entered my apartment, made sure no one else was home, turned off the lights, and only then typed in that address. But the Apostle John said, “If we walk in the light, as [God] is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin” (1 John 1:7). “Walking in the light” necessarily entails being open and honest about our sins with friends we trust.

Community Is Necessary for Healing

Which leads me to my second point, community is necessary for healing. There is something special about the gathering of believers that brings the power of Jesus near. Jesus Himself said, “Where two or more are gathered together in My name, there I am with them (Matthew 18:20).” Only the power of Jesus can heal broken bones, mends broken hearts, and reunites broken families. And that power is only fully realized in community.

Even Jesus Himself relied on community to bring about the full measure of His miracle working power. After Jesus raised His close friend Lazarus from the dead, “The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, ‘Unbind him, and let him go’” (John 11:44). After having raised this man from the dead, surely Jesus Himself could have unwrapped some meager linen strips. But even He believed that there was an essential aspect to having His community join in restoring Lazarus to full health. And this truth applies to us all. Even if God singlehandedly begins a great work in our lives, there is still a role our community will also play in freeing us from our former bondage.

Community is Necessary for Mission

Lastly, community is necessary for our mission here on this earth. Some of Jesus’ last words to His disciples before He died on the cross were, “‘A new command I give you: Love one another…By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34,35). It’s hard to love Jesus’ brothers and sisters without being around them. But when we make that effort, forming meaningful friendships with others, people’s hearts will be softened to the gospel message. Our greatest witness to the truth of Christianity is the quality of our deepest relationships. And the greatest gift we can give ourselves this new year is the blessing of community.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”

(Psalm 133:1)

Goldfish from Heaven

By Ife J. Ibitayo

There is one snack I’ve never grown tired of. These orange, fish-shaped munchables come equipped with a quirky grin. I even remember the jingle: “The snack that smiles back: Goldfish.” But as I wrapped up my shopping at Wal-Mart this past week, I realized how creepy a concept that is.

We often go out of our way to make food look as little like the original animal as we can. We don’t want to see the strangled chicken or the gutted cow or the suffocated fish with its glassy eyes. When we see such things, it reminds us of the pain the creature experienced to become our sustenance. Yet cheddar goldfish gladly smiles at us as we mangle, pound, and chew away at it.

The Mangling, Pounding and Chewing of Jesus

Using similarly graphic language, Jesus said, “Whoever feeds on My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For My flesh is true food, and My blood is true drink” (John 6:54-55).

In an Old Testament passage on the suffering servant, the prophet Isaiah says, “He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5). In order to become our salvific supper, Jesus’ back was mangled by lashes, His wrists pounded by nails, and His back chewed up by a rough, splintering cross.

The Smile of Jesus

Yet the prophet Isaiah goes on to say, “the Lord was pleased to crush Him severely” (Isaiah 53:10). The Father actually delighted in crushing His Son on the cross. And even Jesus Himself, “for the joy set before Him endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2). What’s going on here?

God loves us so much that He was willing to become our divine goldfish, our sacred snack that smiles back. As He suffered for our sins, He smiled because He knew that His beating would mean our healing (Isaiah 53:5), His abandonment our adoption (Galatians 4:4-5), and His death our life (Romans 6:4).

Conclusion

I lied. There are actually two snacks I’ve never grown tired of throughout the years. The second, the goldfish from heaven, is not a meal to be partaken once but every day. As we enter into this coming month of November, let’s start—not end—with Thanksgiving. Let’s appreciate and worship our Savior who rejoiced as He suffered for sinners like you and me.

“Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered Him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by his wounds we are healed.

“Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer, and though the Lord makes His life an offering for sin, He will see His offspring and prolong His days,
and the will of the Lord will prosper in His hand.”

(Isaiah 53:4-5, 11)

A United Faith or a Divided House

By Ife J. Ibitayo

In Jesus’ final prayer for His disciples, the son of God says, “I have given them the glory that You gave Me, that they may be one as We are one—I in them and You in Me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that You sent Me and have loved them even as You have loved Me” (John 17:22-23 NIV). The world is meant to believe Jesus is God’s Son through the unity of His church.

Yet we live in a time where the church is more divided than ever. Recent events have sent a deep fissure into the bedrock of the American church. The tremors have revealed its shaky foundation and raised some critical questions: What is the church? And why is it still important?

What is the Church?

The church consists of all those on earth who believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. But it’s also far more than this. It’s the vehicle that spreads the good news of Jesus Christ to the nations (Matthew 28:19-20). It is a charitable organization that extends God’s mission of healing the broken and helping the disenfranchised (James 1:27). And it is also the visible manifestation of Jesus Christ living and acting in the world today (Ephesians 1:22-23).

Something I’ve discovered through rereading the gospels is how much the Son and the Father love one another. The Father’s first public words to Jesus Christ were “‘This is My beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased’” (Matthew 3:17 ESV). Every other time the Father speaks in the gospels, He affirms His beloved Son (Luke 9:35; John 12:28). The Father and the Son never bickered. They were never irritated with one another. They never gave up on each other. They perfectly manifested the love the church is supposed to (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Why is the Church Still Important?

At the start of His ministry, Jesus quoted His God-given mission from the Old Testament: “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed Me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners” (Isaiah 61:1 NIV). And this mission is supposed to be carried on by His church today. The world is filled with more poor, broken people now than we’ve seen in a very long time. They need good news, freedom, and light. But how are we supposed to share good news with others when we’re constantly bad-talking each other? How are we supposed to bind up the brokenhearted when we’re tearing down our brothers?

Conclusion

One hundred fifty years ago, Abraham Lincoln said, “A house divided against itself cannot stand”. Seven years later he stood amongst the smoking ashes of a nation that learned that lesson the hard way. If the American church is to survive, we must be unified.

“I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.”

(1 Corinthians 1:10 NIV)