fear Archives - Being Me, Myself.

The Long Middle

By Ife J. Ibitayo

A Kickstarter launch is like the start of a new relationship. The hot rush of anticipation and trepidation flooded my system as I embarked on this exciting adventure. Everyone I know and even some people I don’t took notice as we blasted off.

But like all glittery new things, my Kickstarter too has grown a little old. A couple weeks in, the initial adrenal rush of backers has puttered out; the money has dried up; and I’m left with a gap to fill both temporally and financially. When this moment arrived, I knew I’d hit the Long Middle of my campaign.

The Kickstarter Stages of Grief

To continue with the relationship metaphor, the Long Middle can be like a very painful, very visible breakup. The world watches as you flail about, trying to salvage the sinking ship of your grandiose ideals of instant fame and fortune. (Well, as much fame and fortune as 500 fans and $5,000 dollars can get you.) You’ll tailspin through the stages of grief:

Denial—“There’s no way this will fail. God won’t let this fail. I won’t let this fail. No matter what, we’ll find a way to make this work.”

Anger—“How could this be happening to me? I did everything right! I don’t deserve this!”

Bargaining—“If only I’d spent more time on this, tried a little harder, done a little more, we wouldn’t be here.”

Depression—“We’re never going to make it. It’s all over.”

I’m pretty sure I’d already hit all these major notes by Day 2.

While this might sound a little premature, I think that we all spend most of our lives navigating this nebulous gray region that is the Long Middle. Life is not so much full of beginnings and endings as it is middles. Our new job, new spouse, and new child will all eventually become just our job, spouse, and child. The newness will fade, and we will have to grapple with the choices we’ve made that led to where we are today.

When the new inevitably grows old, we have a very important question to answer, will we thrash or will we trust?

Thrashing vs. Trusting

I, for one, have spent a lot of time thrashing. I think to myself, if I send out one more post or release one more TikTok video or email one more influencer, maybe that’ll unlock the key to reaching our funding goal. Many of my friends have been quick to correct me saying, “That’s not thrashing, that’s hustling. You got to do what you’ve got to do.” But when my project makes me have trouble falling asleep at night, and I find myself contemplating it as soon as I wake up in the morning, and I feel guilty stepping away from my computer during the day, I don’t think there’s a meaningful distinction between the two. It’s far less about what I do and far more about how I feel.

Conversely, trust is not a cessation of activity, but finding peace in the midst of it. In the words of an Old Testament prophet, “Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit” (Jeremiah 17:7-8). Or to put it in the slightly more modern terms of the Philadelphia 76ers, “Trust the process.”

Conclusion

With less than two weeks left to go in our Kickstarter campaign, I’m still holding out hope that we can make our dream a reality. And I’m continuing to work toward that goal every day. But I’m trying to strive toward it from a place of faith over fear and by trusting rather than thrashing.

Let My People Ball Kickstarter Progress as of August 24th, 2023.

Our Kickstarter for the first issue of Let My People Ball is live from August 15th, 2023 to September 14th, 2023. If you’re as captured by the vision as we are, you can support us here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/let-my-people-ball-1/the-biballical-chronicles-let-my-people-ball-issue-1

Come Fund Me

By Ife J. Ibitayo

As a child, I never went door-to-door to “Save the Whales”. And for slightly more obvious reasons, you’d never find me selling Girl Scout cookies. Charity was something I gave (out of my $10 a month allowance), not something I received. But then I grew up, started a company, and realized that fundraising is probably my most important job of all. And the wellspring for any successful fundraiser begins with friends and family.

Let My People Ball Kickstarter Launch — Let My People Ball Kickstarter Page on Launch

Hey Friend!

In the weeks leading up to our first Kickstarter, I made a comprehensive list of all the friends I’ve accumulated over the years. As the list ballooned into the hundreds, I realized that there was one profound benefit that had arisen from having moved every few years since childhood: I had come to know and be known by a lot of people. A few of these friends I’ve remained in contact with throughout the years. But most of my conversations began a bit like this:

Hello Mrs. Jackson! I was a student in your English class in middle school! I know it’s been a decade since we last spoke, but…

Hey Chris! I heard about the new job! It’s awesome to see that you’re finally pursuing your dream! You know I also recently made a career change…

Hi Marisol! Congrats on the new baby! Do you want to know what I’ve been working on for the past 9 months…

Alright, my words might not have been so tongue-in-cheek, but it felt pretty darn close sometimes.

Will You Fund Me?

I was reaching out to people who I used to have a meaningful connection to long ago. But the sands of time had eroded our friendship over the years. Before each text, Facebook message, or email I wondered if many of these people would even remember me, or worse still I worried if my outreach would destroy any vestige of goodwill that might have lasted between us.

But instead of my deep-seated fears, the overwhelming response was deeply encouraging. From grad school, college, high school, and even touching back to elementary, friends of mine acknowledged my plea. They hadn’t forgotten me and further, they were happy to contribute to my vision.

Conclusion

One of the greatest highlights of this Kickstarter campaign has simply been the opportunity to reconnect. Some of my friends have changed drastically over the years. They’re living in new states with new careers and young families. But still much has remained the same. I had the opportunity to commiserate with a number of my rekindled compadres over our shared memories and made up a tiny bit for the lost time between us. And if nothing else arises from this venture, I’m eternally grateful for that.

Our Kickstarter for the first issue of Let My People Ball is live from August 15^th, 2023 to September 14^th, 2023 and can be accessed here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/let-my-people-ball-1/the-biballical-chronicles-let-my-people-ball-issue-1

Let My People Ball Kickstarter Just Launched!

Protests and Celebration

By Ife J. Ibitayo

The title of an NBC article well-captures the polarizing nature of the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling last week: “Protests and celebrations as Supreme Court Overturns Roe v. Wade”. For many, this ruling marks the culmination of decades of faith, prayer, and activism. And the hope that bubbles up from this decision serves as an encouraging signpost for the future. But for others, this marks the beginning of the end. A generation of progress has come to a grinding halt, and other women’s rights may be on the chopping block in the years–or even months–to come.

Abortion is a deeply personal issue for most of us. Many who are pro-life ask: “Who’s going to speak up for the unborn? Who, after having carried a beloved being to term, can stand aside while millions of other precious children are slaughtered wholesale?” Yet on the other side of the fence, many who are pro-choice ask: “Why do I not get to choose what I do with my body and my life? Why must I sacrifice everything for something to which I owe nothing?” Because of how intimate this issue is, I struggle to dialogue with others who disagree with me on this topic.

Celebration

I believe that life is sacred from conception. This isn’t just a Biblical principal I accept, it’s a truth that resonates viscerally in my bones. I’ve served with children at summer camps and YMCA ever since I was a teenager. I donate to America World Adoption Agency every month because I deeply desire for children to be raised by loving parents. I also intend to adopt someday myself.

The more time I spend with children, the more I realize that they can touch my heart at younger and younger ages. I’ve had stimulating conversations with my kindergarten age nieces and nephews. I played games with my little brother when he was still a toddler. I still remember the intimate stories my mother told me of her unique pregnancy experiences carrying my siblings and I to term. And so I rejoice at the overturning of Roe v. Wade.

Protest

Yet I’m also beginning to understand how often the rights of women have been nullified in the name of “the greater good.” It would be easy to site stats and statistics; however, there is one historical fact that rocks me: Women were only granted the right to vote in the 1920s. There are nearly 100,000 Americans alive today who were born during a time when half of all US citizens were disenfranchised. And this disenfranchisement continues today. A plethora of systemic issues prevent women from speaking up and demonizes them when they do. Add on top of that the loss of the right to choose whom they birth with their bodies and when they start their families, and I can see why their newfound situation hurts grievously.

Conclusion

Many reading this article may have skimmed over half of it. Or they may have read it all intently with a “Yes, but” on the tip of their tongues. But the point of this piece is not to ignite another argument. We already have enough of those blasting on social media and the nightly news. I’m trying my best to understand, to let others know I hear them and I’m listening, even if I don’t understand them as well as I wish I could. Because we must build more bridges to one another, or we risk burning the whole house down.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

(James 1:19)

All Eyes on You (The Terrifying Trio Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, “Doubt”, click here.

Joshua was Moses’s successor. This was the same Moses parted the Red Sea (Exodus 14:21), spoke with God face to face (Exodus 33:11), built God’s first earthly dwelling place (Exodus 40), and led the Israelite community for forty years. And it was this same Moses who was not able to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land (Numbers 20:12). Now Joshua was being called to complete the challenge his predecessor never could. With Moses dead, a million eyes now locked onto the son of Nun. And he must have been petrified!

The Fear That Freezes Us

The Brown-Driver-Briggs lexicon defines fear as “dread, making one unfit for action.” We all know that feeling. Our heart races, our hands shake, and our knees tremble uncontrollably. In that grip of that powerful emotion, we find ourselves frozen, unable to save ourselves or anyone else. A fearful person will never make a good salesperson, spokesman, or soldier, let alone a good leader.

The Courage That Releases Us

That is why God commissioned Joshua with these famous words, “‘Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go’” (Joshua 1:9).

With this powerful message, God released Joshua from the clutches of fear. Because He knows a truth that we need to internalize as well: our emotions are tied to what we fix our eyes on. If we fix them on the wrong target–waves too high for us to crest, burdens too heavy for us to bear, or forces too strong for us to fight–we’ll tremble in the shadow of that looming giant.. But when we fix our eyes on God, we can remember that He shushes the waves (Mark 4:39) ,shoulders our burdens (Matthew 11:28); and topples giants (1 Samuel 17)!

It was in the strength of this word that Joshua prophesied to the Israelites, “‘In three days you will cross the Jordan River and take possession of the land the Lord your God is giving you’” (Joshua 1:11). And just as Joshua had promised, three days later, they entered the Promised Land (Joshua 3)!

Conclusion

We cannot live in fear and walk in God’s plan for our lives. We can only hold on to one or the other. We must let go of our fear of the future, of failure, and any other thing in this world that is not God if we want to conquer the Promised Land He has in store for us. Because entering the Promised Land is not the end of the journey; it’s only the beginning.

“‘Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.’”
(Isaiah 41:10)

Where I Am

By Ife J. Ibitayo

When I approached my laptop to start this article, I had no idea what I’d write about. I spent some time scrolling back through the articles I’ve written over the past several months, and I was surprised to see just how many of them were written in the spur of the moment. For some writers, this may be fairly normal, but it isn’t for me.

Where I Came From

When I first started this blog a little over two years ago, I was struggling with crippling anxiety. The only thing that calmed my fears was clarity. Knowing what tomorrow held was the answer to my fears today.

That terrible fear of the unknown seeped into every inch of my life: what work I’d finish on the job tomorrow, where I’d be going this coming weekend, and even what article I’d be writing next week. If any space in my life became even slightly murky, panic would surge up like a roaring wave and threaten to drown my peace of mind.

Where I Was Going

But slowly something began to change. Week after week, month after month, fresh idea or no idea, I’d approach this computer screen, and I was forced to trust that God had a plan and a purpose for my fingers that morning. And every day I’d walk away with something I could stamp my seal of approval on. My writings will never be engraved in the annals of man as the greatest blog posts in history. But they have been an authentic and raw exploration of the traumas of my past, my struggles in the present, and my fears for the future.

I still remember when God first laid this blog on my heart. A month had passed since we’d received the decree that “thou shalt work from home indefinitely.” I had more time on my hands than I’d had in years. I spent many hours thinking through my pain, frustration, and grief, and I knew that the only path forward was to write my thoughts down. But then I felt led to publish my diary before the eyes of the world, to place my private musings where everyone else could read them. And I was petrified. But God ministered to my heart that the healing He was devising for me was not just for me. There would be many hurting people who’d read my words and receive the same grace I needed.

Where I Am

Through this blog I’ve learned so much about my own brokenness: my insecurity, my need for affirmation, my predisposition to please people. But I’ve also seen the faithful hand of my heavenly Father through the years. I survived undergrad and grad school, my first job and my first pandemic, true love and genuine heartbreak. I enjoy life at a deeper level now than I could while trapped in the labyrinth of my unprocessed emotions. And I know a key part of that has been untangling my thoughts before all of you who’ve read my words over the years.

When next week comes, I again might have no idea what I’m going to write about. I might not know what work holds for me tomorrow or what God has planned for my future. But I’ve come to trust—just a little better—that God is penning a story that I can’t wait to read in my life and surely in yours as well.

“Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, He will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go,’ whether to the right or to the left.”

(Isaiah 30:20-21)

The Courage Leadership of Volodymyr Zelenskyy (Shared History, Broken Promises Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Living here in the United States, I honestly scoffed at the concept of a country having both a president and a prime minister. In ignorance, I always saw such “presidents” as glorified figureheads. It wasn’t until Zelenskyy stood up when the rest of the world expected him to fly out–like Afghanistan’s former president Ashraf Ghani–that I realized how wrong I was.

This article is not meant to lionize Zelenskyy at the expense of condemning Ghani. Both leaders were dealt horrible hands, and I still lament the deplorable way the United States concluded the War in Afghanistan. But I hope that by contrasting their divergent responses to the crises they faced, we can learn some valuable lessons about leadership.

Set the Tone

The first words I heard from the Ukrainian president were: “The fight is here; I need ammunition, not a ride.” His words touched something deep within me, and rallied the world in support of his beleaguered nation. His statement stands in stark contrast to Ashraf Ghani’s: “Now is not the moment for a long assessment of the events leading up to my departure.”

There are countless differences between the takeover in Afghanistan and the invasion of Ukraine, but one of the most important distinctions is how their presidents responded. A primary reason Ukraine has still not capitulated to Russia’s might is that Zelenskyy hasn’t given up on his nation. His country’s war is his war. Their fight is his fight.

It may seem like that should be a given for any leader, but far too often, leaders take their bag of money and escape down the nearest safety chute. When times get tough for our church, our company, or our country, where are we? As leaders, we set the tone, and those under us follow suit.

Dictate the Terms

Secondly, Zelenskyy did not let others choose his decisions for him. Zelenskyy insisted on staying in Ukraine because he believed his presence during this crisis was more valuable than his safety. Returning to former president Ghani, he told the BBC, “My instructions had been to prepare for departure for [the city of] Khost. [My national security adviser] told me that Khost had fallen and so had Jalalabad. I did not know where we will go. Only when we took off, it became clear that we were leaving [Afghanistan].” But as president of Afghanistan, he had the authority to stay if he insisted.

We choose leaders because at the end of the day, we hope that they will have the courage to make decisions and own up to them, even when their wrong. But when our leaders let others lead them, they are abdicating their duty and relinquishing the authority we entrusted them with in the first place.

Conclusion

The greatest men and women in history were leaders. They steered the course of millions of lives toward glory or the grave through the decisions they made. As we step into leadership in our households, our workplaces, or our governments, we’re faced with the same responsibility and opportunity these leaders faced. I pray we lead well; the future depends on it.

“When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.”

(Luke 12:48)

The Fear and Pride of Vladimir Putin (Shared History, Broken Promises Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

As bombs burst, rifles blast, and fires blaze in Ukraine—a nation with a larger population than California—I find myself with a long list of questions and too few answers. Top among them is: What is motivating Vladimir Putin to invade another sovereign nation?

Fear

One of Putin’s primary motivators is fear. “In a pre-dawn TV address on 24 February, he declared Russia could not feel ‘safe, develop, and exist’ because of what he claimed was a constant threat from modern Ukraine.” Considering that Russia’s army alone is larger than the entire Ukrainian armed forces, this is a patently ridiculous claim. But fear drives irrationality.

Whether it be Brexit overseas or Trumpism here at home, fear of others brings out the worst in all of us. But love brings out the best. That is why love and fear cannot coexist. As the Apostle John said, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). True love casts out fear, not other people. It doesn’t invade their homeland but invites them into our own.

Pride

Secondly, Putin is motivated by pride. “The Russian dictator has grown to see himself as not another middling, kleptocratic dictator, but as a figure of historic import, dedicated to restoring Russian greatness.” Here in the United States, we’ve seen the tremendous amount of damage attempting to make a nation “great again” can wreak. All too often, those who lift themselves up do so by pushing others down. They reduce greatness to a zero-sum game where in order to win, everyone else must lose. But that was never God’s intent for greatness.

Jesus said, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26-28). We were made for greatness, but it can only be found by putting others first. Our selfish desires must give way to selfless ones. Our backs must bend to scrub other people’s feet, just like Jesus did (John 13:4-5). Only then will we lay hold of true greatness rather than egotistical self-aggrandizement.

Conclusion

Fear and pride lay close at hand for all of us. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, a former prisoner of Russia’s Gulag once said, “The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either — but right through every human heart.” The only thing that separates you and me from a tyrannical dictator is not culture, education, or power. It’s grace.

“But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: ‘God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.’”

(James 4:6)

Naked and Unashamed (The Genesis Archives Pt. 3)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, “Let There Be Light”, click here. For Part 2, “Recycling and the Image of God”, click here.

“Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (Genesis 2:25).

Naked is not only a provocative word today, but it’s also a rare word. We live in a cover-up culture. Women cover up their faces with foundation, concealer, blush, and mascara. Men cover up their true personalities with brash jokes and crude humor. We all cover up our true selves with carefully crafted photos on Instagram and clips on TikTok. Why is one of the few universal truths of life the need to play make believe?

Naked Before Man

The Bible’s answer is sin. As soon as Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, “Their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves” (Genesis 3:7). Shame only exists when we have something to hide. And from that day on, we’ve been trying to hide from God and from each other.

Yet God hasn’t taken away our desire for intimacy. In many books I’ve read, men have poured out their hearts to their lovers. They know they must expose the skeletons in their closets to the eyes of their special someone. We want to know that our sweetheart can love our unloveliness because instinctively we all know that love can only thrive in exposure, with unclothed hearts and bodies, with the very real threat of rejection overcome by acceptance.

Naked Before God

We know this is true with those we love here on earth, but we act as if it’s not true with God. The author of the book of Hebrews said, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked before His eyes” (Hebrews 4:13). God possesses true x-ray vision. He sees every part of us, from our physical form to our invisible spirit. Yet I’m moved by His response to Adam and Eve after the Fall. Genesis 3 says that God went for His daily walk in the garden of Eden. Not seeing His friends, He asks them, “Where are you?” In reply, Adam says, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.” But God said, “Who told you that you were naked” (Genesis 3:10-11)?

God is not playing dumb in this conversation. He is making a crucial point here. He’s saying, “I didn’t say you were naked, so who told you that you were?” He already knew of Adam and Eve’s nakedness when they exposed themselves to sin. But His first response was not condemnation but connection. When Adam and Eve hid from God, He drew near. When they eschewed contact, He initiated conversation because God still loves us, broken messes that we are, even when we mess up.

Conclusion

But there is still the matter of sin. Adam and Eve instinctively knew they had to hide from God after they sinned because sin must be paid for. But what recourse did Adam and Eve have to repay God?

This question will be answered in “The Genesis Archives Pt. 4.”

“As Scripture says, ‘Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.'”

(Romans 10:11)

Strolling Through the Storm

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Have you ever wondered why Jesus walked on water? He could have sailed over the Sea of Galilee with His disciples when they left (Matthew 14:22). Or He could have teleported like Philip did, taking the Divine Express to His next destination (Acts 8:39-40). Why did Jesus break the rules of physics to commit such a miracle? And why did He allow Peter to join Him, walking on the waves like steppingstones ((Matthew 14:29)?

On Top of It All

If you’re like me, this pandemic has pushed you to your limit. You’ve been asked to do the impossible for the past year and a half: Watching your kids while wrapping up work on your computer screen, waiting “just one more month” before life can return to normal, finding joy in the middle of a pandemic, and loving others from the midst of isolation. Many days I find myself barely treading water, let alone walking on it!

This experience brought me back to Jesus’ miracle. Keep in mind that this water was not a placid, peaceful surface like you might see in a suburban swimming pool. Gale force winds blasted back and forth. Monster waves heaved the disciples’ boat up and down like a wooden boy toy. But in the midst of this chaos, Jesus was walking.

A better way to translate the Greek word peripateo in this context was that Jesus was “strolling.” He was strolling through the storm. In this way, Jesus demonstrated His mastery over all of life’s circumstances. Whether it be earth, sea, or air, nothing could stop Jesus’ steady, unhurried progress.

The book of Acts is the story of the steady, unhurried progress of the gospel throughout the ancient world. The entire Bible is the story of Jesus’ steady, unhurried progress restoring the entire universe. And your life is the story of Jesus’ steady, unhurried progress transforming you into the person He designed you to be.

Under the Waves

Which brings me to Peter. By asking Jesus to allow him to walk on the waves (Matthew 14:28), Peter was asking Jesus to grant him His perspective. Where everyone else saw a storm to sink into, Jesus saw a surface to stroll on. That is why Jesus didn’t tell him, “Stay back.” Rather, He commanded Peter, “Come here” (Matthew 14:29). He wanted Peter to experience the serenity of His grace, the greatness of His power, and the glory of His provision in the midst of the storm.

But Peter didn’t remain on top of the water for long. He saw the wind and heard the crashing waves. As fear clutched his heart, he plunged beneath the surface (Matthew 14:30). But that was not the end of Peter’s story. He screamed for Jesus to save him, and Jesus didn’t wait for him to “raise his faith.” He grabbed onto Peter and didn’t let him go. He rescued him out of his watery grave and set his feet back on solid ground.

Conclusion

Jesus extends His arms to us as well. He says, “Come, stroll on the sea with Me.” And if we ever start to sink into the waves, He’ll too ask us, “Why did you doubt” (Matthew 14:31)? Because our safety is never in doubt; He’ll always catch us.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”

(Isaiah 43:2)

The Rot of Jealousy (How the Mighty Fall Pt. 3)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, “Mighty Presumption”, click here. For Part 2, “Putting First Things Second”, click here.

The last nail in the coffin of Saul’s leadership followed hot on the heels of a great victory. The shepherd boy David had just defeated the giant Goliath with a sling and a stone. The Israelites had routed the Philistinian army, and the conquering heroes returned home to much singing and fanfare. The women broke out in song, “‘Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands!’ But this made Saul very angry. ‘What’s this?’ he said. ‘They credit David with ten thousands and me with only thousands. Next they’ll be making him their king!’ So from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David (1 Samuel 18:7-9).” Jealousy was the final rot that toppled the tree of Saul’s legacy.

Jealousy Rots Happiness

Firstly, jealousy wreaks havoc on our emotions. Jealous leaders are short-tempered (1 Samuel 20:30), fearful (1 Samuel 18:12), and paranoid (1 Samuel 22:13).

The stability of our emotions is rooted in the source of our identity. If we define our leadership based on something that’s continually evolving like the progress of our graduating class or Fortune’s top 500 CEOs, our emotions will always be in flux. When we feel like we’re ahead, we’ll be on top of the world, riding high on our surging pride. But if we fall behind, which we inevitably will at some point in our journey, we’ll be crushed by the weight of unmet expectations. Our identity must be rooted in something fixed and unchanging if we ever want to develop emotions that are tranquil and harmonious.

Jealousy Rots Friendship

Secondly, a jealous leader will drive away key advisors and associates. David served in Saul’s inner court long before he himself became king. Every day he soothed the king’s frayed nerves by strumming masterful songs on his lyre. But the day following David’s defeat of Goliath, Saul tried to impale the young man on the tip of his spear, twice (1 Samuel 18:11)! He even attacked his very own son, Jonathan, when he protected the shepherd boy (1 Samuel 20:33)!

Jealousy will transform our closest allies into our bitter rivals. If we hold on to this emotion, we’ll soon find that it really is “lonely at the top.”

Jealousy Rots Leadership

Lastly, jealousy prevents leaders from fulfilling their responsibilities as a leader. Saul enlisted Israel’s best and brightest to hunt down one of his most loyal citizens (1 Samuel 24:2). So distracted was he by his hunt for this shepherd boy that a foreign nation was able to penetrated deep into his territory in the meantime (1 Samuel 23:19-27)!

When a leader fixes their gaze on someone else, of course they won’t be in a position to lead their own people well. It’s like you’re driving your family on the highway in your beat-up Prius while staring out your window at the Maserati cruising next to you. It’s just a matter of time before you–and everyone with you–suffers harm. We have to fix our gaze straight ahead on whatever God has called us to do if we want to finish it well.

Conclusion

When Saul fell into jealousy, his kingdom fell as well. His sons died in battle (1 Samuel 31:2). His people fled from their homes for their very lives (1 Samuel 31:7). And his dying moments were ignoble and pitiful (1 Samuel 31:3-5). If we let jealousy consume our leadership, it will consume all we hoped to build as well.

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”

(Proverbs 14:30)