Tag: endurance

Learning the Art of Rejectomancy

By Ife J. Ibitayo

A leadership development program rejected me last week. I was doubly surprised, first at my pride for assuming I’d be accepted in the first place and second that I took it so hard. I’ve been rejected by hundreds of magazine editors, dozens of schools, and plenty of women. I’d assumed that by now I’ve become an expert at “rejectomancy.” Yet every fresh refusal still doubles me over like Mike Tyson’s body blow.

Am I Worthy?

The first thing rejection challenges is our worthiness: “Am I deserving of your time, attention, and interest?” When a person, friend group, or company rejects us, we can be tempted to doubt our self-worth. We can struggle to distance our resume from the person God made. And we can struggle to imagine a future apart from the opportunity that just slammed in our faces.

But God says, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). This verse doesn’t mean that “when one door closes another opens.” There are worthwhile opportunities that for whatever reason we end up missing out on in this life. However, it does mean that there is “an expected end” that God has qualified us for regardless of the opportunities we miss.

Am I Special?

The second thing rejection touches on is specialness: “Am I beyond the ordinary?” From the day I was born, I reveled in my unique qualities. I was happy being the only black boy among a see of Mexican faces in the Rio Grande Valley. I always identified in contrast to the crowd rather than with it. But rejections fly in the face of that illusion. For example, “We received so many strong applicants this year…” but apparently, I wasn’t one of them.  

Every striver on the face of this planet will encounter this situation at least once in their lives. They were once a big fish in a small pond, then they’re plopped into the ocean filled with sharks and humpback whales. We stumble across giants, and we can’t help but compare ourselves to them.

This truth is why Ephesians 2:10 resonates so deeply within me, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” We may not be the best public speaker in our family, but there’s someone who needs our encouragement today. We may not be the world’s most talented businessperson, but there is work God has uniquely fashioned for us to champion. Our specialness is derived from the special plan God has in store for us, not the other way around.

Conclusion

According to writer Aeryn Rudel–who popularized the term “rejectomancy,” “Rejectomancy is the skill writers must master in order to weather the slings and arrows that come from putting their work out for public consumption. It’s the skill of accepting rejection letters, bad reviews, negative comments—all with grace and dignity—and still having the gumption to carry on writing.”

We all must learn how to apply a bit of rejectomancy to our lives as creators, entrepreneurs, and regular human beings. Rejection will come. But having the grace and dignity to accept it and keep on pursuing our passions, is a decision each of us must make.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.”

(Hebrews 10:35-36)

Abide in Me

By Ife J. Ibitayo

A couple weeks ago, I heard a powerful message about “Abiding in the Presence” of God. Before His death on the cross, Jesus commanded His disciples, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me” (John 15:4). In essence, Jesus said there is one thing you must do in order to live a fruitful life: Abide in Him. Hearing that simple charge, I was pumped. If I can check off the “Abide in Jesus” box each day, I’ll be good to go. But then I realized, I have no idea what “abiding in Christ” really means.

So resorting to the same measures as any other proselyte, I dug into Thayer’s Greek Lexicon. And I discovered the manifold richness captured in this puzzling world.

Abiding is Lodging

First, to abide means “to lodge somewhere, to tarry as a guest.” I.e. abiding means to make a place home. As a child that moved as often as an All American military brat, I struggled to call any place home. My home was never a particular house or neighborhood. Rather, it was the faith I carried with me and used to orient myself wherever I lived. So my first order of business every time I move is to find a church to get plugged into. It provides an old sense of familiarity in a bewildering new environment.

Abiding is Remaining

Secondly, to abide means “to remain as one thing and not become something different.” Coming to LA, there are so many things I want to do and so many me’s I want to be. I’m a student, an author, an entrepreneur, a wannabe socialite and many other labels that I’m trying on for size like fall sweaters. And I often find myself frustrated as I attempt to disentangle my overscheduled, conflict-ridden calendar. But God says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let Me transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know My will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” (Romans 12:2). Just because I’m in Rome doesn’t mean I have to do as the Romans do. My residency is still in Christ no matter what city I move to.

Abiding is Enduring

Lastly, to abide means “to endure through time.” I’ve only been in this new city a couple months, yet I’ve already found myself wondering if I should throw in the towel. I already have so much to do and so little energy left to finish it all. But that is why Jesus went on to say, “Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:6).

Just as my Apple Watch is useless unless it retains its Bluetooth connection with my iPhone, I am useless unless I retain my spiritual connection with Jesus. We have little capacity because we were never meant to be reservoirs. God is the source. Rather, we’re meant to be conduits, and a conduit can only remain useful if it stays connected to its source.

Abiding is Obeying

Jesus said, “Abide in my love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love” (John 15:9-10). The outworking of the super spiritual word “abide” is culminated in the very practical word “obey.” When we love God and love others, we walk in closest communion with Him. And from those seeds of obedience will surely grow the fruit of faithfulness.

Go Back the Way You Came

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I’ve been receiving a lot of critical feedback recently, both solicited and unsolicited. Concerning my forthcoming book, critics have said: “I think about half of what you have so far is deadweight.” And “Your characters sound like uneducated savages.” Concerning my startup idea, I’ve heard: “You don’t have the necessary industry experience.” “You don’t have the right leadership experience.” And even, “What is your role again?”

I was surprised at how deeply these verbal shards cut even when they were spewed with the best of intentions. I began to ask myself: Why is discouragement such a powerful tool to keep us from our destiny? And why is encouragement so crucial to achieving it?

My contemplation led me to the story of Elijah in the Bible, the greatest prophet of the Old Testament. This man’s prayers caused nationwide droughts (James 5:17). He called down fire from heaven on soldiers (2 Kings 1) and sacrifices alike 1 Kings 18). Elijah was the Biblical equivalent of Aang the Last Airbender. He was set apart in his generation, imbued with enviable divine power, and achieved glorious exploits.Yet even Elijah grew discouraged.

When Jezebel, the evil queen of Israel, threatened his life, Elijah fled into the wilderness. While there, Elijah said two things that reveal the dangers of discouragement.

Going Out Into the Wilderness

First, he said, “‘I’ve had enough, LORD. Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers’” (1 Kings 19:4). When we’re discouraged, we will be tempted to compare our journey with those who’ve come before us. And prophets did not have a good track record in Israel. Nearly across the board, they were persecuted, betrayed, and murdered (Acts 7:52). So what made Elijah special?

Likewise, if we ever want to achieve anything meaningful in our lives, the stats will never be in our favor. For example, only 1 in 4 authors will find a publisher for their completed manuscript. And of these lucky few, only 1 in 100 will turn a profit. Similarly, 90% of all startups fail. Comparison to others can provide a useful dose of reality, but it can also be the quickest way to kill our ambitions before they leave the ground.

Secondly, Elijah said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected Your covenant, torn down your altars, and put Your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too” (1 Kings 19:14). When we’re discouraged, we tend to magnify our problems and minimize our progress. In so doing, we transform challenging circumstances into impossible ones.

Going Back the Way You Came

But God spoke the encouraging words this beaten down man desperately needed to hear. First, God said, “Go back the way you came,”  then He commissioned him to complete his mission (1 Kings 19:15). We will all get derailed in this life. We’ll make a string of fatal errors like Winston Churchill, or we’ll get hit by a string of unlucky breaks like Klay Thompson. But we need someone to remind us why we were taking the journey in the first place. We need someone to tell us, “Go back the way you came” if we want to end the war or win the championship.

Secondly, God told Elijah, “‘I have reserved seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him’” (1 Kings 19:18). When the voices of discouragement tell us that we will fail like everyone else did, we must remind ourselves that there are still those who’ve succeeded. And we could very well become one of them.

A number of stories written by people just like us do breakthrough. They win Pulitzer’s and Nobel Prizes. They change culture and inspire young children to dream of a brighter future. And they even inspire spinoffs, fan fiction, and subreddits.

Conclusion

When discouragement comes, we have only two options. We can stay in the wilderness and lament the loss of the naïve dream we once cherished. Or we can “go back the way we came” and keep on fighting.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

(Galatians 6:9)

Biking Up the Hills of Life

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I lived in Austin, Texas for three years. I never owned a car. Biking was my favorite mode of locomotion, and I remember many Saturday afternoons where I cursed myself as I returned from Half Price Books with a backpack weighed down by novels. The city is built on hilly terrain, and those knee-straining, sweat-inducing heartbreakers taught me many valuable life lessons.

Position Warps Perspective

Firstly, position warps perspective. Asaph the Psalmist once said, “When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before You” (Psalm 73:21-22). That was certainly true for me as I labored up those merciless mountains. Two thousand feet felt more like two thousand miles. As joggers galloped past me, I would lament, “This hill never ends.” But no hill in the world extends forever.

Oxford defines a valley as “a low area of land between hills or mountains.” This may seem pretty obvious, but all too often, we struggle out of valleys without remembering that a mountaintop awaits us if we keep on climbing.

Hills Build Endurance

Secondly, hills build endurance. My perfect city would have biking lanes you can drive a bus through, speed limits of thirty or lower (even on highways), and roads flatter than the horizon. Flat streets are my biking Red Bull: They give me wings. I fly down them, cranking up the gears as I zoom through green lights. But running (which shares many commonalities with biking) coach Laura Fountain said, “Running up hills builds strength and power in your legs, which, as well as helping you bound up hills like a mountain goat, will transfer into faster speeds on flats too.”

This principle is not just true in exercise but in life as well. The Apostle James said, “Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:2-4). If we never train ourselves to endure challenging circumstances now, we’ll remain unprepared for them when they arise in the future. And they will come, steep mountains that no loved one can carry us over and no one can be paid to scale for us.

Descents Grant Rest

Lastly, descents grant rest. If you are riding a bike without a gear system, you’ll quickly realize that pedaling while traveling downhill is a wasted venture. You should just rest your legs and let gravity do the work. This same truth also applies to life. When we spend our vacations catching up on work or off days running errands, we are trying to furiously pedal downhill. The sage King Solomon once said, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). There is a time to work and a time to rest, a time to strive and a time to recline. We bike the race of life the best when we learn how to distinguish which is which.

Conclusion

Since I’ve moved out of Austin, I’ve lived in many cities and owned many bikes. Much to my consternation, I’ve discovered that hills are everywhere! They’re found in sunny California and windy Indiana, in steaming Texas and storming Virginia. And no matter how long we live, the hills of life will keep on popping up. But if we learn how to approach them with right perspective, climb them with right endurance, and descend them with right repose, we may just live to bike another day.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

(James 1:12-14)

Door of Delayed Gratification (Healing House Pt. 3)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Pt. 1, “Reframing”, click here. For Pt. 2, “Foundation of Forgiveness”, click here.

One of the most important concepts my father taught me was the principle of delayed gratification. I learned that some of the best things in life can only be received by enduring patiently. This principle has served me well throughout my life. Study now, party later. Work now, rest later. Invest now, spend later. But somewhere along the way, this principle became my eleventh commandment: “Thou shalt not enjoy now. Thou shalt reap later.”

Abiding by this commandment is like being trapped inside on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The front door of opportunity is locked. And you know it’ll open some time, but you don’t know when.

Three of the most common mistakes people make when they are stuck in this situation are: 1. Wallowing in self-pity; 2. Trying to escape; 3. Working the day away.

Self-Pity

Self-pity is a temptation for all of us, especially for those who spend most of our time consumed by work. We’ve worked through the week. Heck, we’ve worked through most of the weekend too. But now we want to step into a much needed break, and the kid gets sick, COVID strikes, or that deadline bears down on us with a vengeance. Through our windows we can see everyone else walking their dogs, kissing their sweethearts, and lounging in the sun. Why can’t that be us? Why is that never us?

King David once said a simple yet profound statement, “My times are in your hands” (Psalm 31:15). He said this because he trusted in the LORD’s absolute sovereignty. We don’t fully understand what lies beyond that door even when we really think we do. Even the most prescient among us can only predict the future with limited accuracy, but God knows it definitively. And He is working toward the one that will bring us the most joy and Him the most glory.

Escape

Secondly, we may be tempted to try to escape our situation. If we apply to enough job postings, we’re sure to find a better gig. If we buy a ticket to the west coast, we’re sure to find our way. As people say, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” But your will may not be God’s way.

For instance, it was not Joseph’s will to be sold into slavery (Genesis 37) or to be imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit (Genesis 39). But instead of chafing at his present circumstances, he made the best of them. Joseph was the best servant and the best prisoner because he understood that that was God’s lot for him at the moment. And God rewarded his faithfulness by making him prime minster of the most powerful nation in the world (Genesis 41)!

Slaving Away

Lastly, when the door we’re looking to step through remains shut, we may be tempted to dedicate all of our resources to work. We may think that our perpetual slaving away is the true mark of faithfulness. But King Solomon, one of the hardest working, most accomplished men in the Bible said, “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for He gives to His beloved sleep” (Psalm 127:2). For years, I lived under the lie that “rest is for the blessed”, that rest is a luxury. But there’s a reason that God included the Sabbath in the original ten commandments (Exodus 20:8).

We must remember that the house that we’re trapped in has windows. Even if we can’t go outside, we can appreciate the view. We can dust off the neglected treasures God has stored up for us in the attic of our homes. We can even take a nap. Even though some options are cut off from us right now, that doesn’t mean that we are left with none.

Conclusion

We cannot wrestle open the doors of opportunities in our life through self-pity, desertion, or overworking. The Bible says, “All my days were written in your book before I even came to be” (Psalm 139:16). This means that God knows when we entered this house, and He knows when we’re supposed to leave it. Until He opens that door, we should cherish all that we can today. And we should trust in the bright hope of another beautiful Sunday afternoon tomorrow.

“But as for you, be strong; do not be discouraged, for your work will be rewarded.”

(2 Chronicles 15:7)

Bad Pain, Good God, Righteous People

By Ife J. Ibitayo

“Why does a good God allow bad pain?” Christians and unbelievers alike have grappled with this tough question for generations. Our human condition makes us struggle to find purpose in pain. That is why in a parable Jesus said, “The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word” (Matthew 13:20-21 NLT). We all have a Judas within us, and this traitor reveals himself when suffering arises.

Bad Pain

Judas cuts right to the heart of one of the main reasons we suffer. We are broken people living in a broken world with broken hearts. The English poet Alexander Pope once said, “To err is human.” The only consistent thing about us is that we’ll consistently fall short of other people’s standards, our own, and—above all—God’s.

Romans 3:23 says, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” And to fall short of God’s glorious standard is to be subject to His holy wrath. As Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and were condemned to death, we all have also taken a bite, and we’re subject to a thousand little deaths each day. We chronically overeat and, and the doctor diagnoses us with diabetes. Our friend sleeps in, and we miss our final exam. A stranger is texting while they’re driving, and they swerve into our lane. We suffer bad consequences because we commit evil deeds.

Good God

Yet bad things in this life cannot nullify God’s good promises. “I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” (Jeremiah 29:11 KJV). This promise means that all suffering—caused by our sins, the sins of others, or unlucky happenstance—are part of God’s “expected end”–plan for our lives.

Romans 8:28, one of the most famous passages of scripture, reads, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Unfortunately, it is often divorced from the following verse: “For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters” (Romans 8:29 NLT).

Righteous People

The crucible of suffering, tuned to the right heat and extended for the correct duration, most quickly produces righteousness in us. Consider some of the most famous moral leaders of the past century–Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King Jr.). These leaders did not become the spiritual compasses of their respective nations in spite of the suffering they endured but because of it.

Mother Teresa ministered her whole life in some of the greatest squalor in the world. And she struggled for decades with an acute sense of abandonment by the same God she professed to serve. Martin Luther King Jr. was beaten by cops, bombed by segregationists, and terminated by a bullet to the brain.

The Son of God too was subject to a hard life. He had no place to call home (Matthew 8:20). He was rejected by his family and hometown (Mark 6:4) and persecuted by the religious leaders of His day (Matthew 12:23-24). And that’s not even mentioning the crux of Jesus’ greatest suffering here on this earth: the crucifixion.

If the Father found the crucible of suffering to be meaningful for His own perfect Son (Hebrews 5:8), how much more for His other imperfect children like us?

Conclusion

The world we live in is broken, and we are too. Bad news and bad circumstances may threaten to kill our faith. But if we can come to trust our heavenly Father “who works all things according to the counsel of His will” (Ephesians 1:11), our faith can grow along with our character.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

(James 1:2-4 NLT)

Love is Patient (Love Is… Part 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

As we slide into the month of February, I think it is an especially relevant time to consider love. What is love? What isn’t it? These are the questions I’ll be considering as we dive into 1 Corinthians 13.

When the Apostle Paul began to describe the characteristics of love, the first one he listed was “Love is patient” (1 Corinthians NIV). I believe this choice was very intentional and is an essential attribute of love.

Love or Lust

“An intense yearning for another.” Does this definition describe love or lust? Love is a powerful emotion. The Song of Solomon says that “love is as strong as death, its jealousy as unyielding as the grave” (Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV). But once again, this description could be applied just as accurately to lust. However, when lust is forced to wait, it will exact its vengeance on the object of its affection.

Consider Amnon, son of King David. He had a gorgeous, virgin half-sister named Tamar. His feelings ran so deep that he was depressed morning after morning (2 Samuel 13:4). The NKJV even says that he was losing weight over his lovesickness! After an eternity of waiting, Amnon tricked his half-sister into coming into his bedroom alone, and he raped her (2 Samuel 13:14).

When Amnon finally acquired the focus of his desire, he took out all his agonizing months of waiting upon her. Then he kicked her to the curb and went on with his life (2 Samuel 13:15-19). Amnon’s emotions were clearly lust because of the damage they wreaked upon the one he wanted.

Love, on the other hand, is longsuffering. 1 Corinthians 13 goes on to say that “love doesn’t insist on its own way”. Rather it “bears all things” and “endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:5, 7 ESV). True love takes that debt of pain that accrues while waiting and absorbs it.

Love or Wrath

In a letter to his dearly beloved son in the faith Timothy, Apostle Paul said, “This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: ‘Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners’—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life” (1 Timothy 1:15-16 NLT).

Apostle Paul truly was one of the worst sinners who has ever walked this earth. He was a notorious terrorist, going door to door and dragging off believers to prison and their deaths (Acts 26:10)! He presided over their murders in broad daylight (Acts 7:57-8:1) and extended his zeal even beyond the borders of his own country (Acts 9:1-2)! But the Brother and Father of the men and women Paul destroyed waited patiently for him to see the light. They suffered long his raging persecution. And when they finally won his heart, they didn’t destroy him. Jesus welcomed this terrorist as His brother, and the Father invited this murderer into His household as His son (Romans 8:16-17).

God never exacted vengeance on Paul. Instead, He absorbed the wrath Paul deserved for his sins, and the wrath we deserve for our own, and poured it out on His beloved Son. That, that is love.

Conclusion

Love is patient. I am convinced that very few of us naturally possess this gift of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22), and none of us possess it in the measure we should. But we can start afresh today. Instead of lashing out, we can embrace. Instead of coercing more, we can demand less. And we can take the agonizing debt of pain that’s accruing and give it to God.

“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.”

(Ephesians 4:2 NLT)

Running On Empty (My Embarrassing Life Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For my first article on passing my driving test on my first (fifth) try, click here.

I’ve never been a fan of long-distance running. Whenever I’m asked to participate in a walk-a-thon with an entry fee, I reply, “So they’re paying me to run, right?” But some time in college, I decided I needed to improve my cardio. I bit the bullet, purchased a solid pair of running shoes, and hit the track.

One day, a few of my friends decided to jog from main campus to the recreation fields. The distance was a little farther than I was used to jogging, but I was confident I’d be up to the challenge. However, three-fourths of the way through the jog, I drained my water bottle. I jogged about another quarter mile before my vision began to darken. I sank to the curb, panting.

Running Out

Randy Alcorn said, “The Christian life is not a 100-meter dash but a marathon. Those who lack patience, endurance and discipline will drop out of the race.” Just as most people can dash one-hundred meters, many start the Christian journey well but very few finish.

Jesus Himself said, “‘Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him'” (Luke 14:27-29 NASB).

My friends–thankfully–did not mock me when I plopped down. But the shame was real. I was unable to continue that jog on my own.

Filling Up

A few minutes later, a friend of mine came by and gave me a cup of water he’d retrieved from a nearby house. Once I gulped that water down, I was refreshed and able to finish the jog we had started. Similarly, we have no hope of finishing the marathon of the Christian life without the fount of living water refreshing us (John 4:10).

The Holy Spirit is this conduit through whom we tap into the river of God’s blessings. Through Him we receive the truth we need to counteract Satan’s lies (John 16:13), the comfort we need to face the world’s pain (2 Corinthians 1:3-4), and the freedom we need to run this lifetime marathon well (2 Corinthians 3:17).

Conclusion

We will all stumble along the way. We will disrespect our parents or let down our friends or disappoint ourselves. But we have a choice: Remain in that puddle of sweat and defeat or get back up, accept a refreshing drink of the power of the Holy Spirit, and keep on running.

“‘I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.'”

(John 15:5 NIV)