Tag: encouragement

Reasons I’m Grateful for My Mom’s Life

Ife J. Ibitayo

If you asked me to fly to a new country to shelve my Ph. D. for a couple decades to raise three rambunctious boys, I would have laughed in your face.  The depth of that sacrifice, the height of that love mystifies me. And yet that is exactly what my mom did. This year, I was moved to write the 57 58 Reasons I’m Grateful for My Mom’s Life. And I wanted to highlight a few key items from that list.

She Showed Up for Every Big Moment

I attended a boarding school for the last two years of high school. I spent several weeks explaining to my parents why there was no need for them to come up for my graduation. But that morning, as I was preparing to walk the stage alone, I received a random call from my mom. She was asking for directions, and I was frustratedly trying to figure out why she needed them right now until she revealed the whole family had just arrived in town. That day was one of the happiest moments of my life, and my friends relayed how loudly I paraded my family around my old stomping grounds.

She Rises Early Every Morning

Ever since I was young, my mom would disappear for hours on end early in the morning. If I couldn’t find her, I’d tiptoe into her study and see her praying, reading her Bible, or praising God. Day in and day out, she prioritized God’s presence. And because of her example, I began to prioritize God’s presence too.

She Supports My Dreams

No matter the dream or passion I’ve had on my heart, my mom has always supported it. I was a bench player on the junior varsity basketball team in my small high school. When the entire team consists of seven players, that is definitely saying something! And yet, my mom would pick me up day after day, week after week from our late basketball practices. I never did become the next Jordan, but I did learn the value of commitment. My mom wouldn’t stop putting in the effort to support me as long as I dedicated myself to improving my craft.

She Forgives My Mistakes

One particular winter during college, I committed the cardinal sin of misdating my mom’s birthday. I called her up and excitedly wished her a special day. I could hear the pain in her voice as she thanked me and said it was actually two days from now.

Forgotten birthdays, neglected dishes, and broken washing machines can tally up to a mighty mountain of resentment, but my mom has forgiven me for every little mistake and every big one too.

So I say happy birthday, Mom, and thank you for everything!

“Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: ‘There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!'”

(Proverbs 31:29)

Go Back the Way You Came

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I’ve been receiving a lot of critical feedback recently, both solicited and unsolicited. Concerning my forthcoming book, critics have said: “I think about half of what you have so far is deadweight.” And “Your characters sound like uneducated savages.” Concerning my startup idea, I’ve heard: “You don’t have the necessary industry experience.” “You don’t have the right leadership experience.” And even, “What is your role again?”

I was surprised at how deeply these verbal shards cut even when they were spewed with the best of intentions. I began to ask myself: Why is discouragement such a powerful tool to keep us from our destiny? And why is encouragement so crucial to achieving it?

My contemplation led me to the story of Elijah in the Bible, the greatest prophet of the Old Testament. This man’s prayers caused nationwide droughts (James 5:17). He called down fire from heaven on soldiers (2 Kings 1) and sacrifices alike 1 Kings 18). Elijah was the Biblical equivalent of Aang the Last Airbender. He was set apart in his generation, imbued with enviable divine power, and achieved glorious exploits.Yet even Elijah grew discouraged.

When Jezebel, the evil queen of Israel, threatened his life, Elijah fled into the wilderness. While there, Elijah said two things that reveal the dangers of discouragement.

Going Out Into the Wilderness

First, he said, “‘I’ve had enough, LORD. Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers’” (1 Kings 19:4). When we’re discouraged, we will be tempted to compare our journey with those who’ve come before us. And prophets did not have a good track record in Israel. Nearly across the board, they were persecuted, betrayed, and murdered (Acts 7:52). So what made Elijah special?

Likewise, if we ever want to achieve anything meaningful in our lives, the stats will never be in our favor. For example, only 1 in 4 authors will find a publisher for their completed manuscript. And of these lucky few, only 1 in 100 will turn a profit. Similarly, 90% of all startups fail. Comparison to others can provide a useful dose of reality, but it can also be the quickest way to kill our ambitions before they leave the ground.

Secondly, Elijah said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected Your covenant, torn down your altars, and put Your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too” (1 Kings 19:14). When we’re discouraged, we tend to magnify our problems and minimize our progress. In so doing, we transform challenging circumstances into impossible ones.

Going Back the Way You Came

But God spoke the encouraging words this beaten down man desperately needed to hear. First, God said, “Go back the way you came,”  then He commissioned him to complete his mission (1 Kings 19:15). We will all get derailed in this life. We’ll make a string of fatal errors like Winston Churchill, or we’ll get hit by a string of unlucky breaks like Klay Thompson. But we need someone to remind us why we were taking the journey in the first place. We need someone to tell us, “Go back the way you came” if we want to end the war or win the championship.

Secondly, God told Elijah, “‘I have reserved seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him’” (1 Kings 19:18). When the voices of discouragement tell us that we will fail like everyone else did, we must remind ourselves that there are still those who’ve succeeded. And we could very well become one of them.

A number of stories written by people just like us do breakthrough. They win Pulitzer’s and Nobel Prizes. They change culture and inspire young children to dream of a brighter future. And they even inspire spinoffs, fan fiction, and subreddits.

Conclusion

When discouragement comes, we have only two options. We can stay in the wilderness and lament the loss of the naïve dream we once cherished. Or we can “go back the way we came” and keep on fighting.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

(Galatians 6:9)

The Better Testimony (Returning from Exile Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, “Exile Mentality”, click here.

I’m still a young man, yet I’m already haunted by some of my past mistakes. I was a horrible roommate back in college. I’ve had so many snafus with my little brother that it’s a wonder he still (sort of) likes me. And I’ve failed as a leader so many times that I’ve lost count. But while I was mulling over my mistakes, a little-known story from the Bible came to my mind.

Terrible Testimony

After the Israelites returned from exile, a prophet named Zechariah began to receive visions from God. In one of these, he saw Joshua, their high priest, standing before the LORD. He was covered with feces, and Satan stood right beside him, prosecuting him in God’s courtroom (Zechariah 3:1).

Just like Satan, our haters cut us down with hurtful words. A father glowers at his son and mutters, “You really are useless.” A coach snipes at one of her bench players, “You’re always going to be sitting there, so why don’t you just quit?” And that’s just the voices without. The voices within tell us far nastier things. Every voice we hear seams to have a worse message than the last.

Transformative Testimony

But there is one voice that has a far better testimony. God verbally backhanded Satan, declaring, “The Lord rebuke you, Satan! Indeed, the Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you” (Zechariah 3:2)! God silences all the voices that speak against us because He speaks for us. As Apostle Paul said, “If God is for us, who can be against us” (Romans 8:31)! If God, the righteous Judge of all creation, doesn’t condemn us even Satan himself can’t!

Secondly, God doesn’t just silence our enemies, He speaks kind words of encouragement over us. Note that God is the “Lord who has chosen Jerusalem.” Just like God chose Jerusalem as His holy city, He’s chosen us too. We are His adopted children (1 John 3:1) and His beloved bride (Revelation 19:7-8). We are His prized possession and the apple of His eye.

And there’s still more. God doesn’t just change what we’re called, He transforms who we are. God told the heavenly beings standing by the excrement-covered high priest, “Take away his filthy garments and clothe him in pure vestments (Zechariah 3:4).” He trades our rags for riches. He grabs us off the bench and thrusts us into the game. He changes our story.

Conclusion

But in spite of our new identity in Christ, we are free to return to our filthy rags. We’re like dogs licking up their own vomit when we torment ourselves with memories of our past mistakes. Just as God cast our sins and mistakes as far away from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12), we must fling away the labels that others put on us. We must remember, daily, who God’s called us to be. We must encourage ourselves with the better word God speaks over us: “my friend, my child, my beloved.”

“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”

(Romans 8:15-16)

Hope Deferred (Time & Timing Part 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1 on “Living in the Present”, click here.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13:12a NIV). The truth of this proverb resonates deep within me. I’ve waited for sicknesses to be healed, relationships to be redeemed, and dreams to be realized. Some of these have come to pass, but all too many are still waiting in the wings. This season of waiting has given me an opportunity to reflect on the stages of waiting I’ve experienced with my writing.

Hope Deferred

I’ve written stories, poems, and essays throughout my life. I’ve always had a bit of a knack for stringing words together. But it wasn’t until I reached college that I became serious about writing. I transitioned from a person who writes “seasonally” to a consistent writer.

I still remember the thrill of sending out my first short story, “An Oculus for An Oculus”, to The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. With unbridled hope and unrealistic optimism, I mailed my piece off and excitedly looked forward to securing my first publication.

A month later, I received my first rejection. I was a bit discouraged, but I shook it off and sent out my story again, and again, and again. Soon I found I had submitted my story everywhere under the sun and then some, but I had turned up empty handed.

I convinced myself that it must have been just that story. I was a new writer after all, so I had a lot to learn. So I wrote more stories, sent them out, and received yet more rejections. No matter how hard I tried or how much I wrote, I could never break through.

Hope Fulfilled

My faith went through stages. It began with zealous prayer and great expectation. Then it transitioned into bargaining. I promised God I’d give Him the proceeds from my first publication, then the first $100 bucks I made from my writing. Then it degraded to tearful pleading as my hope sunk into the morass of disappointment.

I nearly gave up several times along the journey. Disillusionment discouraged me from wasting any more time writing. But a timely word from my parents or an encouraging personal rejection such as this one—”I see potential in your writing (which is why I pulled this one out of the slush pile to read myself instead of assigning it to an associate editor and why I provided some feedback) so please keep writing and keep submitting! I suspect you will have pro sales under your belt by the time we reopen next year.”—gave me the nudge I needed to try “just one more time.”

After seven years, over a dozen polished pieces, and hundreds of letters of rejection, I am finally published! I feel no shame saying that tears came to my eyes when I received it. Like Proverbs 13:12 goes on to say, “a dream fulfilled is a tree of life”, and this accomplishment has brought me much needed comfort and encouragement.

Conclusion

Now I’ve spent this article talking about my writing. Although it is an important passion to me, it may not be nearly as important to you as your health, finances, or your relationships. But the same principle applies.

You too probably have dreams that have been deferred far longer than you ever imagined. You might have even given up on them. But we must be careful to not interpret God’s “wait” as a “no”. If God asks us to wait on Him, to tarry long in His presence, we must not give up. God always keeps His promises. It might just take a little longer than we expected.

“‘And will not God bring about justice for His chosen ones, who cry out to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?’”

(Luke 18:7-8 NIV)

To read my first publication, “Untraditional”, click here to purchase a copy of Andromeda Spaceways Magazine Issue #81.