Tag: wrestling

Siren Songs and Healing Balm

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I never thought that an episode of the hit comedy Brooklyn 99 would leave me emotional. The precinct’s new police captain was a little too perfect, so the officers did everything in their power to find out what was really going on with this interloper. But in the end, all their meddling served to do was alienate the only good captain they’d ever had. That storyline hit a little too close to home for me. Have you ever pushed away a good friend or girlfriend? Have you ever committed an irreversible mistake that still haunts you till today? I have.

As I’ve quoted so often in this blog, “to err is human.” To be a member of mankind is to make mistakes, but to live with the consequences feels so inhumane. There were whole months earlier this year when I woke up every day wishing for a redo button, a groundhog day switch, that’d allow me to undo all of my poor choices. Before I knew it, I’d sunk deep into the dark tendrils of regret and bitterness.

The Siren Song of Regret and Bitterness

Why is the sorrowful siren song of regret so alluring? Because regret is a time travel tonic; sipping on it enables you to teleport yourself back to yesterday and rustle through its shattered remains looking for answers. With 20-20 hindsight you can see the better actions you could have taken and the superior words you could have spoken. You can leverage your present self to beat down your former self.

The second sickly sweet serenade comes from bitterness. Instead of internalizing blame, we unleash it on others. We blame our parents for the way they raised us (or failed to do so). We blame our life circumstances for dealing us an unfair hand. Or we blame God because with His sovereignty and divine purview, surely He is responsible for all we’ve gone through.

These two powerful emotions can shackle us to our past, rob us of our joy, and steal our destiny. But is there a third option? Is there a way to rise above the regret and bitterness of yesterday?

The Balm of Forgiveness

I think the answer begins with the balm of forgiveness. The healing power of forgiveness lies in letting go. Regret stems from holding on to unforgiveness against ourselves and bitterness springs from holding on to unforgiveness against others (including God).

However, Scripture says, “If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Forgiving ourselves means believing that we are not the same person we once were and that it’s okay to not have been the person we needed to be back then. Just as our bodily flesh replaces itself every single month, our spirit man regenerates on a day-to-day basis (2 Corinthians 4:16). And we can’t hold our past self captive to our present self’s capabilities.

Forgiving others is based on a similar principle. By maximizing grace toward others, we minimize the pain we carry in ourselves. I’ve had others threaten my friendships, my future, and even my very life, but only later have I come to know the demons they were wrestling within as they lashed out at me (Titus 3:3-6). If we judge others by our best while looking at their worst, it’s all too easy to condemn them. But considering others at their best and forgiving their worst has a way of healing our own pain over time.

The Peace of Wrestling

Lastly, there’s forgiving God, which is a strange, unseemly concept for most of us. But I believe that we can carry past hurts against God that we never deal with because we conclude that either God can’t really be who He says He is (perfect, powerful, and present) or we must be so far gone that He chose not to show us the trifecta of His loving character. But God says, “Come, let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18). The word translated “reason” in Hebrew is “yakach” and it means to “argue for the sake of bringing someone to a point of understanding.”

When God upsets us, He actually wants us to let Him know. He wants us to argue with Him and confront Him, to express the yucky feelings that we feel shouldn’t be spewed on holy ground because then He can roll up His sleeves and clean up the mess. There’s a reason God called the Hebrews the “Israelites”—”those who wrestle with God” by definition. It’s only in the struggle that we can make peace with God.

Conclusion

So, as we move out of 2024, let us not remain entrapped by the siren call of regret and bitterness. Let us choose the healing balm of forgiveness, let us find freedom, and let us practice faith for a better new year.

“Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
(Ephesians 4:32)

Wrestling with God (The Jacob Within Pt. 3)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

This is the last entry in a trilogy of articles on the wrestlings of Jacob. For part 1 on “Wrestling with Esau”, click here. For part 2 on “Wrestling with Laban”, click here.

Over the past few weeks, we’ve seen Jacob’s bouts with his brother Esau and his Uncle Laban. But the story Jacob might be most well known for is his wrestling match with God Himself. Jacob’s struggles with God were the most important encounters of his life.

The Promise to Jacob

Jacob’s first recorded clash with God was on his journey to Haran, where he hoped to escape from his furious brother Esau. On the trip there, he had a dream where God spoke to him. God said, “‘ Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth…I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you'” (Genesis 28:14-15 NIV). The significance of God’s words here cannot be overstated. He promised Jacob blessing, protection, and comfort regardless of what Jacob did.

The Vow of Jacob

However, Jacob responded to God’s promise with this vow: “‘If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father’s household, then the Lord will be my God and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth'” (Genesis 28:20-22 NIV). A modern rendering of Jacob’s vow might read, “If God is good to me, then I will call myself a Christian, attend church, and tithe faithfully.” With this one statement, Jacob transformed God’s promise of a relationship with him into a job for Him.

Many might wonder why Jacob vowed to pay for what God had promised him for free, but we have been hardwired to act the same way. Living in our modern world of big business and consumer goods, we’ve learned that nothing is free. No one anywhere will give you what you desire without demanding something in return.

The Breaking Point of Jacob

This debased philosophy worked for Jacob up until he faced real adversity. When his older brother was marching in to meet him with four hundred troops, Jacob cried out to God, “‘Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me…But you have said, “I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted”‘” (Genesis 32:11-12 NIV). In his moment of helplessness, Jacob didn’t recall the vow he’d made to God but the promise God had made to him. He knew the only thing that stood between his life and death was God being true to His word.

But the old self never goes down without a fight. The LORD spent the night literally wrestling Jacob into submission. As morning dawned, the angel of the LORD wrenched Jacob’s leg out of its socket and demanded that Jacob release Him. But Jacob cried he would not release Him until God blessed him (Genesis 32:24-26).

This cry sounds like an assertion of the old Jacob, the Jacob that would use every means necessary to get his own way. But the prophet Hosea, speaking of this encounter, said, “He wrestled with the angel and won. He wept and pleaded for a blessing from Him” (Hosea 12:4).

Jacob’s cry was not an arrogant demand but a desperate plea. Here is a man who had finally come to the end of himself.  By admitting defeat, Jacob won the Lord’s blessing (Genesis 32:28).

Conclusion

Many of us are still wrestling with God, trying to force Him to cry “uncle” in an epic battle of cosmic proportions. But we have no hope of overpowering an omnipotent God, and we can never cut Him a sweet enough deal. God does not want to be our manager; He wants to be our Father. The only way we can do that is by accepting His promises, no strings attached.

“He called a little child to Him and placed the child among them. And He said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'”

(Matthew 18:3-4 NIV)

Wrestling with Laban (The Jacob Within Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For part 1, “Wrestling with Esau”, click here.

Jacob is by far the most treacherous, backstabbing person I encountered in the book of Genesis, until I read about his uncle Laban. Laban took the tools of the trade to a whole new level.

First, he agreed for Jacob to marry his younger daughter Rachel after serving him for seven years. But he swapped out Rachel for her older sister Leah on her wedding night. Then he forces Jacob to serve him for another seven years to marry Rachel (Genesis 29:15-30). After that, Laban agreed that Jacob would serve him for seven more years for the mottled members of his flocks. But the very day they make this deal, Laban set all the mottled members of his flock with his own sons and left the whole-colored ones with Jacob (Genesis 30:31-36). Seven years later, after Laban has changed the terms of their agreement ten times, Jacob finally confronts Laban about how he’s treated him for the past two decades.

 Like Jacob, many of us may be facing unfair circumstances at the moment: a cruel boss, ungrateful children, or an irritable spouse. The way Jacob responded to Laban’s mistreatment taught me a number of valuable lessons about handling similar adversity.

Integrity

To begin his hot-blooded litany of indignation, Jacob said, “‘For twenty years I have been with you, caring for your flocks. In all that time your sheep and goats never miscarried. In all those years I never used a single ram of yours for food. If any were attacked and killed by wild animals, I never showed you the carcass and asked you to reduce the count of your flock. No, I took the loss myself'” (Genesis 31:38-39a NLT)!

Bitter circumstances can strongly tempt us to cut corners. It can be easy to claim a handful of hours we didn’t work or embellish the effort we put into a project, but Jacob didn’t allow his frustration to pervert his integrity. He was honest about the mistakes he made and fulfilled the work he was called to do.

Dedication

Jacob continued, “‘I worked for you through the scorching heat of the day and through cold and sleepless nights'” (Genesis 31:40 NLT). Jacob worked so hard that he spent many sleepless nights vigilantly watching Laban’s flock. Going the extra mile for a good person is always good. But the measure of every man and woman is not how they serve those who treat them well, but those who treat them like yesterday’s garbage (Matthew 5:44-46).

Grace

Jacob wrapped up his harangue by saying, “‘If the God of my father had not been on my side…you would have sent me away empty-handed'” (Genesis 31:42a NLT). Jacob knew the reason for his success was not his hard work itself but the God who blessed his hard work. He understood that God was the ultimate leveler. Only He can consistently bring joy out of our pain and transform injustice into good fortune.

Conclusion

After this speech, Jacob and Laban made a peace treaty (Genesis 31:51-52). It’s astounding that Laban let’s Jacob go after his frustrated diatribe. But what I find even more amazing is that once he becomes rich and powerful, Jacob never returned to exact revenge on Laban. Years later, Jacob said that God was the one who answered his prayers when he was distressed and had been with him wherever he went (Genesis 35:3). He learned over time to let God be God, guiding him, providing for him, and vindicating him in His own time.

“Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly.”

(1 Peter 2:18-19 ESV)

Wrestling with Esau (The Jacob Within Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Jacob was the grandson of Abraham. He was Isaac’s second son, but God chose him above his older brother Esau, before he was even born, to carry on the lineage of his grandfather (Romans 9:10-13). Yet Jacob spent his entire life wrestling with his brother, his uncle, and even God Himself. Jacob’s epic wrestling match with his brother is where we will pick up today.

Background

Jacob and his brother Esau were twins, born minutes apart. But by virtue of being the firstborn, Esau inherited the familial birthright. The value of the birthright included headship over his siblings, an inheritance far larger than his brothers, and many other benefits. But from the day of his birth, grasping the heel of his older brother, Jacob sought to usurp Esau.

First, he exacted Esau’s birthright from him in exchange for a bowl of stew (Genesis 25:29-33). Then Jacob pretended to be his older brother and robbed Esau of Isaac’s deathbed blessing for him (Genesis 27:1-40)! These acts sent Esau into an insatiable rage that he only controlled by vowing to murder Jacob once their father passed away (Genesis 27:41).

Jacob was forced to flee to a far away country and stay with his uncle for twenty years. On his way back to his family and his homeland, he sent word to Esau that he was coming back, and Esau marched out to meet him with four hundred warriors galloping in his wake.

This story resonated with me during our present-day situation. We have two parties divided by deep wounds: one side filled with quaking terror, the other with burning anger. The only natural resolution seems to be violence, but I believe we can glean some knowledge about the right path to reconciliation from Jacob’s encounter with his older brother.

Appeasement

Jacob’s first response was to send his brother a bribe. He sent Esau “two hundred female goats and twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, thirty female camels with their young, forty cows and ten bulls, and twenty female donkeys and ten male donkeys. He put them in the care of his servants, each herd by itself, and said to his servants, ‘Go ahead of me, and keep some space between the herds'” (Genesis 32:14-16 NIV).

The gift that Jacob sent Esau was of immense value back then. It was like the twelve days of Christmas with the first present being a priceless, gold Rolex and it only getting better from there! But Esau didn’t send a messenger ahead to thank Jacob for this lavish gesture. As these presents arrived, he set them in tow behind him as his warriors galloped closer.

In parallel manner, neither trinkets nor tokenism can heal the damage of hundreds of years of slavery nor can it fix decades of police brutality. At worse, these gestures can inflame those they are trying to appease.

Damage Control

Next, Jacob divided all he had into two camps thinking, “‘If Esau comes and attacks one group, the group that is left may escape'” (Genesis 32:8 NIV).

This strategy may possess a shred of hope in an open space where one has room to flee. But where do you run when your locked in the same cell as your executioner? Black people, white people, and police officers are all Americans. We are bound by our shared heritage. Further, the riots and property damage that have already bubbled up show that mitigation can only go so far in quelling the furious masses.

Conclusion

At this point in the story, it seems like Jacob was just waiting to be slaughtered. Esau arrived the next morning with his army of warriors, and Jacob went out to meet him. He bowed before his brother seven times, not sure if he’d live to see the next hour, but Esau’s response is remarkable. He ran to his brother and hugged him (Genesis 33:4)! The Bible never explicitly says what transformed Esau’s boiling rage to gushing affection, but it is clear he needed to see his brother face-to-face.

If these past several weeks, these past several decades even, have revealed anything, it’s that the ugly beast of racism cannot be ignored, appeased, or contained. We must come to one another, face to face, and dialogue if we are to ever embrace brotherhood.

“’Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.'”

(Matthew 5:23-24 NIV)