Tag: wisdom

Happy Heart, Happy Life

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I read a proverb last week that said, “For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast” (Proverbs 15:15). And I paused to soak in this truth.

Five years ago, I would have said that 60% of happiness is caused by circumstances, 30% genetics, and 10% or less by choice. And many people would agree with this sentiment. “I’m unhappy because I have an anal boss, a horrible wife, and terrible kids.” “I’m unhappy because I’m not married yet and I don’t have a six-figure salary yet and I haven’t retired yet.” We believe our emotions are tethered to our wind-blown circumstances.

But science has shown that only 10% of our happiness is tied to our circumstances. Of the remaining 90%, 50% is related to our genes, and the remaining 40% is up to our conscious choices.

There are many articles out there that list ways to feel happier. A quick Google search will reveal titles like “25 Ways to Feel Happier in the Next Five Minutes” and “4 Proven Ways You Can Feel Happier.” But we often don’t spend enough time diagnosing why we’re feeling sad in the first place.

A Complaining Heart

A major culprit is complaining. Complaining is more than the words we say or the thoughts we harbor. Grumbling is an attitude of the spirit that silently paints the way we view the world. When I allow my mind to focus on the negative aspects of my life, I will minimize the positive. Most of us can allow one single thing going wrong in our lives to negate all the things that are going well. We may have amazing work-life balance but not be making as much as our wealthy neighbors. We might have two children who are successful but one who is struggling to find their way. God’s grace is so emphatic that most things tend to be going well at most times, but we struggle to thank Him because not everything is going well all the time.

A Jealous Heart

The second major culprit is comparison. One of the most gripping stories in the New Testament takes place after Jesus’ resurrection. As He’s walking by the Sea of Galilee with His disciples, Jesus told Peter he would suffer a horrible death. Peter immediately pointed at another disciple and asked, “What about him?”

Jesus replied, “What does that have to do with you? You follow me” (John 21:18-22)!

God has a chosen lot for each of us: Poverty or riches, sickness or health, tragedy or glory. Forest Gump really was right to say, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’ll get.” But God fashioned us specially for the box we received. Even though we think that trading our box for another’s will make us happier, we don’t know if it will make us better. And, just maybe, forcing down a couple bittersweet squares is the only way our palate can be prepared to savor a Maltese truffle.

Conclusion

The title for this article was inspired by the popular saying: “Happy wife, happy life.” As the saying implies, good life circumstances can buoy our emotions. Getting married, winning the lottery, or having a baby can all temporarily increase our happiness. But if your heart holds onto sadness, your quality of life will plummet back down to earth eventually. However, if your heart stores up joy, come rain or sunshine, you really can have a happy life.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Money + Success + Wisdom = Happiness?

By Ife J. Ibitayo

If you had all the money, success, and wisdom in the world, would you be happy? This is the questions posed by the story of Solomon, the son of the giant-slaying King David.

Money

Solomon was filthy rich, and that’s an understatement. “Each year Solomon received about 25 tons of gold…All of King Solomon’s drinking cups were solid gold, as were all the utensils in the Palace of the Forest of Lebanon. They were not made of silver, for silver was considered worthless in Solomon’s day” (1 Kings 10:14,21 NLT)!

Solomon is your friend who only keeps Benjamins in his wallet. If you wanted McDonald’s, he’d ask you if you wanted the whole menu or the whole franchise! As we consider that kind of ridiculous wealth, visions of yachts, supercars, and mansions can wash over us, and we might be convinced that this kind of life must be a happy one.

But Solomon certainly didn’t think so. He said, “Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness! The more you have, the more people come to help you spend it. So what good is wealth—except perhaps to watch it slip through your fingers” (Ecclesiastes 5:10-11 NLT)! Something about wealth makes it elusive. When it comes into our lap, we’ll do everything we can to cling tight to it. Yet it’ll still find a way to slip back out of our grasp. We strive after it to our detriment, hold on to it to our hurt, and agonize over its loss. Because of these truths, riches can make happiness harder to find, not easier.

Success

Now what about success? We all have innate desire to be someone, to matter. And the fulfillment of that longing is what NBA superstars and virtuoso pianists slave night and day to lay hold of. King Solomon can certainly be considered successful. He expanded his father’s empire, finished the LORD’s temple, and achieved international recognition. “King Solomon became richer and wiser than any other king on earth. People from every nation came to consult him and to hear the wisdom God had given him” (1 Kings 10:23-24 NLT). Yet this too did not satisfy Solomon.

He said, “No one remembers the former generations, and even those yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow them” (Ecclesiastes 1:11 NIV). He realized deep down that no matter how famous anyone becomes now, they will be forgotten later. Britney Spears, Donald Trump, and Michael Jordan will all be buried by the sands of time. All success is temporary and short-lived.

Wisdom

Lastly, what about wisdom? If earthly belongings or social standing don’t satisfy, what about mental acuity? Solomon definitely had this in spades. To call him a know-it-all would be a fair description because he literally knew everything. From physical nature (1 Kings 4:33) to spiritual truth (Proverbs), King Solomon had the answer to every question.

Yet he said about wisdom “I concluded that even this endeavor is like trying to chase the wind! For with great wisdom comes great frustration; whoever increases his knowledge merely increases his heartache” (Ecclesiastes 1:17b-18 NET).

For the most knowledgeable people are those who realize how little they truly know, and they are the ones that wrestle with the irreconcilable incongruities of this world. Who’s right, Einstein or Newton? What is the solution to the mind-body problem? How do you reconcile God’s complete sovereignty with man’s free will? No wonder intelligent people are the most depressed among us. Finite minds faced with infinitely complex issues are guaranteed frustration.

Happiness?

With money, success, and wisdom, the problem is the same. We can only obtain finite amounts of them to fill an infinite void within ourselves. Only an infinite source can fill an infinite sink, and there’s only one that exists. That is why Augustine said, “Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.”

“Taste and see that the LORD is good. How happy is the person who takes refuge in him!”

(Psalm 34:8 CSB)

Actions Speak Louder than Proverbs (Power of Legacy Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

As I said in Part 1, “Like Father, Like Son”, King David was a truly epic king. He was one of the greatest leaders the world has ever known, but he also committed one of the gravest sins recorded in the Bible. He slept with the wife of one of his most valiant warriors. Then he murdered the man, so he could make the woman his own (2 Samuel 11). These acts plummeted the last years of King David’s life into familial catastrophe containing incest (2 Samuel 13:1-14) and the death of three of his sons (2 Samuel 12:15-18; 2 Samuel 13:23-29; 2 Samuel 14-17:18) .

Lessons Learned

King David regretted these sins for the rest of his life, and he taught his son Solomon not to follow in his footsteps. The beginning of the book of Proverbs—chapters 1 to 9—is the wisdom Solomon gained from his father. King Solomon dedicated nearly 75 verses to the warnings his father gave him about women alone (Proverbs 2:16-19; 5:1-23; 6:20-35; 7:1-27). Words such as, “The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword” (Proverbs 5:3-4 NLT) must have been seared into Solomon’s soul by the time he became king.

And Solomon was an amazing king. He established the Israeli-equivalent of the Pax Romana, forty years of uninterrupted commercial success, martial stability, and technological advancement (1 Kings 10:14-29). He brokered piece with Egypt (1 Kings 3:1) and Ethiopia (1 Kings 10:1-13). And he was the wisest men who ever lived (1 Kings 4:29-31).

Lessons Spurned

Yet Solomon too had a demon he couldn’t slay: his insatiable appetite for the ladies. He married 1,000 women (1 Kings 11:3)! To put that into perspective, he could sleep with a different beautiful lady each night for nearly three years without coming to the same woman again!

Many commentaries mention that politics motivated these marriage alliances. But these alliances caused Solomon to not only make peace with these foreign nations but also with their foreign gods. “So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done. On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods” (1 Kings 11:6-8 NIV).

As punishment for his lustful passion, the LORD raised up several powerful adversaries against Solomon (1 Kings 11:14-40). And his heir, King Rehaboam, lost control of most of the Israelite empire (1 Kings 11:11-13).

Conclusion

King Solomon heard all the words his father said about chasing after women, but as the old adage goes, actions speak louder than proverbs. He emulated the iniquity his father committed rather than the wise words he preached. Just as Solomon’s success was catalyzed by his father, so was his failure.

“You, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples?”

(Romans 2:21-22 NIV)