Tag: vulnerability

Heartbreak Hero

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Last week, I had my heart ripped out. Actually, it was a more protracted operation: a piece here, a shard there until it felt like there was nothing left.

When romantic relationships fail, pain follows. It’s the ever-present companion of every heartbreak hero. It threatens to wrap itself around our eyeballs and frame our uncertain future from now on.

There are no easy remedies to mend a broken heart, but there are several things that can make it worse.

Regret

The first is overwhelming regret. When my relationship dissolved, I found myself plagued by the question: “What could I have done better?” Our thoughts will condemn and second guess every decision we made: tulips rather than roses, choosing the action flick over the romantic comedy, or suggesting they meet our parents after the third date.

The Bible affirms that our hearts have a tendency to alternate between condemning and excusing us (Romans 2:15). But that’s no way to live! 1 John 3:20 says that “if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything.” Rather than reliving every past mistake, we must learn from them, and pray that God gives us the strength not to repeat them in our next relationship.

Anger

There is good reason for the saying, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Just as love can bring out the best in us, it can also bring out the worst. I never realized how petty, vindictive, and easily frustrated I was until I fell in love. And when love is lost, all these death blossoms flourish into full bloom.

Anger is a cancer that can pervade every aspect of our lives. It can rob us of physical health, emotional stability, and spiritual peace. And it only has one antidote: forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift we must receive from the Spirit because it is completely unnatural for us.

Jesus said “I’m the vine. You are the branches. Apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). We don’t have it in ourselves to let go of every ghosted text, every missed phone call, every dollar and hour we spent in pursuit of our lover’s heart. But when we forgive, we not only let our past flame go, we let ourselves go as well. We release ourselves from the shackles of hatred and bitterness. We’ll carry those chains into every future relationship if we don’t uncuff ourselves today.

Fear

Lastly, breakups can leave us with two fears about our future: 1. How will I ever find another like her/him? 2. How can I ever let myself be vulnerable again?

Satan will tempt us to believe that that special person we lost was our last shot at a happily every after. But God says, “I know the plans I have for you, to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). God is the ultimate matchmaker for each and every one of us. His process may not be pain free, and it may not run on our schedule. But it is good.

 Secondly, vulnerability is the fruit of a healthy heart. Just as we only use a cast on a broken arm, we only wall up our hearts when they’re still wounded. This healing, once again, only comes from God. God says He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). That promise extends even to our shattered, aching heart fragments.

Conclusion

I call us heartbreak heroes because the Author always watches over His protagonists. We may not know how to move forward with blood still dripping out of our chests. And the healing process will take time. But the story really will be a good one, even if we wish we could skip to the next chapter.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

(Romans 8:38-39)

5th Time’s the Charm (My Embarrassing Life Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Passing the driving test is a right of passage for many people across the world. In the United States, over half of test takers pass on their first try. I was not one of those people.

On my first attempt, I backed my dad’s Toyota Highlander into a parallel parking pole. My next time up, my early fumbles so frustrated my tester that after a couple right turns, she asked me to pull over. On my third try, I finally managed to exit the DMV, but I frightened my tester so much that she asked me to turn around. My fourth try, I made it through the entire course and received a 69 on my test, one point shy of the cutoff limit.

Be Vulnerable

After my first couple of tries, I was pretty confident that my failures were mere bumps on the road, but after my third attempt, I wasn’t so certain anymore.

The following Wednesday, I told a prayer partner about my dilemma and asked him to intercede with God on my behalf. He snickered as he prayed for me, and I did not pass my driving test the next time I took it, but this moment of vulnerability was an important turning point for me.

In our Photoshop-ed world of social media, we’ve been seduced by the illusion of the #perfectlife. We are so bombarded by posts and tweets of everyone else’s promotions, happy married lives, and angelic children that we can forget they are just as broken as we are. The apostle James said, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results” (James 5:16 NLT).

The first step forward for must of us will be a step down. We must be willing to climb off our pedestals of whitewashed impeccability to make real breakthroughs in this life.

Appreciate Progress

I never once celebrated after failing my driving test. Of course, that is perfectly natural. Most normal people don’t celebrate mediocrity; we lament it. But I never stopped to realize how promising the trend in my driving life was. On my first try, I failed in one minute. On my last try, I failed by one point. Even if I hadn’t arrived, I should have at least seen that I was getting closer to my destination.

Zechariah 4:10 (NLT) says, “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.” We should always strive for the gold in everything we do in life, but we should still thank God for the Honorable Mentions.

Don’t Give Up

I was distraught after my fourth driving test failure. I had given the test my best shot, and I was done putting myself through this ordeal: Clearing my schedule, waking up early, and subjecting myself to the scrutiny of a testy stranger. But if I had given up then, I would never had been able to drive myself to work, church, or my cousin’s baby dedication.

On my fifth try, a white-haired gentleman accompanied me. I nervously drove through the course, powered the car down, and waited for him to tally up my score. When he finished, he turned to me and said wearily, “You passed.” In fact, I received a 90!

Conclusion

I would never repeat that experience again, but that frustrating season served a critical function in my life. It cured me of a bit of my sense of entitlement. It taught me the importance of opening up to others. And I uniquely appreciate the privilege of driving down the interstate at 60 miles an hour.

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.”

(Hebrews 10:36 NIV)