By Ife J. Ibitayo
A leadership development program rejected me last week. I was doubly surprised, first at my pride for assuming I’d be accepted in the first place and second that I took it so hard. I’ve been rejected by hundreds of magazine editors, dozens of schools, and plenty of women. I’d assumed that by now I’ve become an expert at “rejectomancy.” Yet every fresh refusal still doubles me over like Mike Tyson’s body blow.
Am I Worthy?
The first thing rejection challenges is our worthiness: “Am I deserving of your time, attention, and interest?” When a person, friend group, or company rejects us, we can be tempted to doubt our self-worth. We can struggle to distance our resume from the person God made. And we can struggle to imagine a future apart from the opportunity that just slammed in our faces.
But God says, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). This verse doesn’t mean that “when one door closes another opens.” There are worthwhile opportunities that for whatever reason we end up missing out on in this life. However, it does mean that there is “an expected end” that God has qualified us for regardless of the opportunities we miss.
Am I Special?
The second thing rejection touches on is specialness: “Am I beyond the ordinary?” From the day I was born, I reveled in my unique qualities. I was happy being the only black boy among a see of Mexican faces in the Rio Grande Valley. I always identified in contrast to the crowd rather than with it. But rejections fly in the face of that illusion. For example, “We received so many strong applicants this year…” but apparently, I wasn’t one of them.
Every striver on the face of this planet will encounter this situation at least once in their lives. They were once a big fish in a small pond, then they’re plopped into the ocean filled with sharks and humpback whales. We stumble across giants, and we can’t help but compare ourselves to them.
This truth is why Ephesians 2:10 resonates so deeply within me, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” We may not be the best public speaker in our family, but there’s someone who needs our encouragement today. We may not be the world’s most talented businessperson, but there is work God has uniquely fashioned for us to champion. Our specialness is derived from the special plan God has in store for us, not the other way around.
Conclusion
According to writer Aeryn Rudel–who popularized the term “rejectomancy,” “Rejectomancy is the skill writers must master in order to weather the slings and arrows that come from putting their work out for public consumption. It’s the skill of accepting rejection letters, bad reviews, negative comments—all with grace and dignity—and still having the gumption to carry on writing.”
We all must learn how to apply a bit of rejectomancy to our lives as creators, entrepreneurs, and regular human beings. Rejection will come. But having the grace and dignity to accept it and keep on pursuing our passions, is a decision each of us must make.
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.”
(Hebrews 10:35-36)