Tag: sacrifice

Reasons I’m Grateful for My Mom’s Life

Ife J. Ibitayo

If you asked me to fly to a new country to shelve my Ph. D. for a couple decades to raise three rambunctious boys, I would have laughed in your face.  The depth of that sacrifice, the height of that love mystifies me. And yet that is exactly what my mom did. This year, I was moved to write the 57 58 Reasons I’m Grateful for My Mom’s Life. And I wanted to highlight a few key items from that list.

She Showed Up for Every Big Moment

I attended a boarding school for the last two years of high school. I spent several weeks explaining to my parents why there was no need for them to come up for my graduation. But that morning, as I was preparing to walk the stage alone, I received a random call from my mom. She was asking for directions, and I was frustratedly trying to figure out why she needed them right now until she revealed the whole family had just arrived in town. That day was one of the happiest moments of my life, and my friends relayed how loudly I paraded my family around my old stomping grounds.

She Rises Early Every Morning

Ever since I was young, my mom would disappear for hours on end early in the morning. If I couldn’t find her, I’d tiptoe into her study and see her praying, reading her Bible, or praising God. Day in and day out, she prioritized God’s presence. And because of her example, I began to prioritize God’s presence too.

She Supports My Dreams

No matter the dream or passion I’ve had on my heart, my mom has always supported it. I was a bench player on the junior varsity basketball team in my small high school. When the entire team consists of seven players, that is definitely saying something! And yet, my mom would pick me up day after day, week after week from our late basketball practices. I never did become the next Jordan, but I did learn the value of commitment. My mom wouldn’t stop putting in the effort to support me as long as I dedicated myself to improving my craft.

She Forgives My Mistakes

One particular winter during college, I committed the cardinal sin of misdating my mom’s birthday. I called her up and excitedly wished her a special day. I could hear the pain in her voice as she thanked me and said it was actually two days from now.

Forgotten birthdays, neglected dishes, and broken washing machines can tally up to a mighty mountain of resentment, but my mom has forgiven me for every little mistake and every big one too.

So I say happy birthday, Mom, and thank you for everything!

“Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: ‘There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!'”

(Proverbs 31:29)

Letters for a Marine Recruit

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Thirteen weeks of the most grueling combat training man has ever concocted. Three mortifying months without Wi-Fi or Chick-Fil-A for comfort. That is what my friend signed up for when he shipped out to marine basic training last month. Shortly after he left, I received a Facebook message from his wife asking if I’d write him. As I penned my thoughts down on a sheet of paper, I reflected on the value of my scribbles. Why is such a simple act of connection so important for those enduring grueling circumstances?

I Have Not Forgotten You

First, when we connect with those in pain, we let them know, “I have not forgotten you.” Hebrews 13:3 says, “Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.” When one is isolated from others for a good reason (like military training) or a bad one (like incarceration), loneliness is bound to follow. But when we take the time to connect with such people, we affirm that their lives matter. They are not forgotten on the outside, and there are people who are still rooting for them there.

I Identify with You

Secondly, when we connect with those who are suffering, we let them know, “I identify with you.” Sympathy is surprisingly costly. When my life is going peacefully, I don’t want to struggle with those who are battling. But that is what it means to be family. Speaking of the church of Christ as one body, Apostle Paul said, “If one member suffers, all the members suffer together” (1 Corinthians 12:26). We must be willing to enter “boot camp” with them in a sense, shouldering their burdens and sharing in their highs and their lows.

I Love You

Lastly, when we connect with those who are laboring, we let them know, “I love you.” Love is not squishy sentimentality. It is a costly willingness to sacrifice on another’s behalf for their good. As Apostle James said, “If one of you says to your brother or sister without food and clothing, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is that” (James 5:16)? Similarly, if we say we love our friends and family members, but that does not translate into the willingness to visit them, call them, or even mail them, we may need to reconsider our definition of love.

Conclusion

As I mailed my letter out earlier this week, I didn’t know how my friend would receive it. Would it make his day? Would he even be able to read my messy handwriting? I didn’t know. But I do know I’ll keep on writing him until he returns home safely.

“I thank God, whom I serve with a clear conscience as did my forefathers, as I constantly remember you night and day in my prayers.”
(2 Timothy 1:3)

The Business of a Dream

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Each year in America, we reserve a day in January to commemorate the life and sacrifice of Martin Luther King Jr. The gifted orator and civil rights activist’s most famous work may be his “I Have a Dream” speech. In that sixteen minute address, King powerfully challenged a multitude of bigoted adults and confidently prophesied over his little children about a glorious future he wanted them to inherit.

The Past of a Dream

A framed photograph of King raising his hand to 200,000 dreamers on that sweltering summer day rests above my mantle. It reminds me of that historic moment every time I enter my apartment. Yet therein lies the problem. The 1950s and ‘60s were not home to the Civil Rights Moment but the Civil Rights Movement. King’s dream was not realized by a moment in time but a lifetime of sacrifice and struggle.

King Solomon once said, “A dream comes with much business and painful effort” (Ecclesiastes 5:3 AMPC). Before MLK met with Lyndon B. Johnson, accepted the Nobel Peace Prize, and was named “Man of the Year” by Time Magazine, he was arrested, stabbed, and bombed. Years of academic and clerical study preceded his legendary letters and sonorous speeches. King’s blood, sweat, and tears formed the sunbaked road that we now trudge upon as African Americans in an integrated nation.

The Future of a Dream

So, as we look to the pursuit of justice here today, we too must remember that dreams are founded on movements, not moments. A single day in January is not enough to honor this man who’s life was cut off before he reached middle age. Black history month in February is not enough to reconcile centuries of systematically erased heritage. We must be about justice every month–every day–if we seek to actualize the vision that Martin Luther King Jr. thundered forth from our nation’s capital sixty years ago. And there is no organization in this country more responsible for spearheading this charge than the church.

The Dreaming Church

Speaking about the American church of the 1900s, Martin Luther King Jr. delivered a bone-chilling condemnation that rings eerily true today. He spoke of his “disappointment with the Christian church that appears to be more white than Christian.” And in his “Letter from Birmingham Jail”, he wrote, “In the midst of a mighty struggle to rid our nation of racial and economic injustice, I have heard so many ministers say, ‘Those are social issues which the gospel has nothing to do with,’ and I have watched so many churches commit themselves to a completely otherworldly religion which made a strange distinction between bodies and souls, the sacred and the secular.” The threat that the church “will lose its authentic ring, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the [current] century” has become a tragic reality for many today.

Conclusion

And so the church of Christ stands at a critical juncture. Will it settle for moments, or will it strive for movements?  Will it continue to descend into the realm of irrelevance, or will it rise to the challenge of justice? Will it remain asleep to the dream of Martin Luther King Jr., or will it wake up to its calling for this generation? Because if we want to fulfill this dream, we have a lot of business to do.

“Pursue justice, and justice alone, so that you may live, and you may possess the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”

(Deuteronomy 16:20)

https://open.spotify.com/track/0vo4Ls8OV3D85CvkXiJKlO?si=0e17afa185d04102

The Love, Loss, and Life of Christmas (What Christmas Gifts Mean to Me Pt. 3)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For “A Gift Worth Waiting For”, click here. For “A Salty Lightbulb”, click here.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). It was tempting to end this article here. For this verse obviously speaks for itself. We’ve all heard it; we all know it; we all get it. Just like the famed holiday itself, a bit of the Christmas magic may have worn off this beautiful passage. But when I stumbled across this verse this week, I was struck anew by its power.

Love

“For God so loved the word…” When defining agape—the word translated in this verse as “love”—Wikipedia couldn’t have described it any better: “a deep and profound sacrificial love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance.” The core of Christmas is the heart of a Father. When God wrapped up His son in flesh and delivered Him down the chimney of time, He expressed the fullness of His love for us. In Exodus, He shouted, “I love you so much that I will rescue you.” In the temple, He declared, “I love you so much that I will be with you.” In Jesus, He whispered, “I love you so much that I will become you.”

Loss

“…that He gave His one and only Son…” I recently read Mary Beth Chapman’s–Steven Curtis Chapman’s wife–Choosing to See about the death of their kindergarten age daughter. Therein, I saw the visceral destruction that the death of a child wreaks on a family. No parent will willingly part with their child. They will part with their wealth, health, and even their own life before seeing their dear son or daughter suffer. But the Father willingly gave up His Son for us.

As regifting becomes more socially acceptable, we’re growing ever more accustomed to giving gifts that cost us nothing. But the Father is not like us. As the Creator of the universe, He could give us the world quite literally, and it still would have cost Him nothing. But instead, He gave the only thing—the only One—that He could not replace with a snap of His fingers.

Life

“…that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Jesus was born so that we would never die (John 11:25-26). His painful entry into a stinking stable in a fallen world was far more than a stocking stuffer. It changed everything.

And so, as we celebrate Christmas tomorrow, we must look upon this holiday with fresh eyes. Christmas is more than a holiday; it is a “holy day” where we should pause and consider the wonder of the love, the loss, and the life of our risen savior: Jesus Christ.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
(Isaiah 9:6)

I My Cross Have Taken (A Day in the Life of a Dead Man Walking Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

“[Jesus] said to them all, ‘Whoever wants to be My disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow Me’” (Luke 9:23).

In no starker way could Christ have highlighted the steep cost of accepting Him as both Lord and Savior. In The Cost of Discipleship, Bonhoeffer thundered, “When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die.” Yet this truth does not resonate with my life here in America. I’ve never gone hungry or lived on the streets. I attended private schools and charter schools throughout my childhood. My greatest fear as a Christian is being criticized or ostracized not imprisonment or death. So why does Christ warn that following Him will cost us everything?

The Cross Jesus Carried

The answer lies in the very person of Jesus Christ Himself. Less than a day before His death, He said, “‘Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many’” (Mark 10:45). Jesus’ entire life was marked by self-sacrifice. He stepped down from perfection and clothed Himself in corruption (Philippians 2:7). He was born in obscurity, lived in paucity, and died in ignominy. He chose the hard life when He could have had the high life. And as “little-Christs”, we are called to do the same.

My Cross to Carry

Even here in the most comfortable country in the world, the bid to “come and die” is both powerful and tangible. It may involve something as drastic as “selling all we have” like Jesus called the rich young ruler to do (Matthew 19:21). But it’ll often look more like the story of the Good Samaritan:

“A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side…But a Samaritan, as he traveled…saw him and took pity” (Luke 10:30-33).

The call to die is often as simple as caring enough to not walk on by. I know caring is expensive in our hectic, fast-paced world. Caring may require our time, our energy, or even our money. But we can’t carry the world on one shoulder and the cross on the other. We must lay one down if we want to take up the other.

“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

(Ephesians 5:1-2)

Joseph’s Shame and Glory (New Angles on the Nativity Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

The most underappreciated character in the nativity story may very well be Joseph. This man scraped by for decades to earn enough money to afford the bridal price of a very special woman. He’d walked so uprightly all his days that the Bible declared him to be dikaios, meaning “righteous in the eyes of God” (Matthew 1:19).  And the time had finally arrived for him to become a husband and a father. Then, he found out that the love of his life must have made love with another man.

While he was still grieving his loss, an angel of the LORD appeared to him in a dream and said, “‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name Him Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins’” (Matthew 1:20-21). Joseph responded to this charge in two tremendous ways: obedience and patience.

Faith-Filled Obedience

Matthew 1:24 says, “When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary has his wife.” For many believers reading the Bible today, his response seems perfectly natural. We think, “If I had seen an angel, I would have married Mary too.” But imagine trying to explain the situation to your buddies. “I married a pregnant woman because God told me that He’d impregnated her.” If they didn’t lock you up in an insane asylum, you’d instantly become the laughingstock of your entire village! Yet Joseph still believed what God had told Him.

Reading the Hall of Faith this past week, I was astounded by the strangeness of the activities men and women completed in the name of faith. A man left all he ever knew to go to a place he didn’t know to give an inheritance he’d never see to a son he didn’t yet have (Hebrews 11:8-9)! Another man built a boat to ride waves higher than the mountains and waited for a storm that didn’t come for over half a century (Hebrews 11:7). And now Joseph was being told to believe that his betrothed was bearing the literal son of God. In faith, Joseph accepted current disgrace so that he could embrace future glory.

Painful Patience

Secondly, Matthew 1:25 says, “Joseph did not have sexual relations with Mary until her son was born.” Most of us can’t wait to have sex until after we’re married. Imagine not being able to have it until almost a full year after that! But one of the most important lessons of the kingdom is that patience precedes promotion.

Joseph’s patience ensured that no one could call Jesus’ divinity into question on account of him. And more than that, it allowed him to become the adopted father of God Himself. The harder the season of waiting, the greater the glory of receiving. That is why apostle Paul says, “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17)

Conclusion

When we talk about Christmas, we often remember the person of Jesus. Then we celebrate Mary. But we neglect Joseph. This righteous man sacrificed all and waited long to father the Messiah of the world. If that isn’t a glorious example to emulate, I don’t know what is!

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

(Romans 8:18)

Friendship or “Friendship” (Love Is… Part 4)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, “Love Is Patient”, click here; Part 2, “Love is Kind”, click here; Part 3, “The Love of the LORD”, click here.

Love–Think of holding hands with your significant other while strolling down lamplit boulevards with a majestic symphonic backdrop. But as stirring as this image is, it’s limited. Deep love comes in a variety of packages, including that between friends. In spite of cupids lurking around every corner during this month of February, I think this is a prime opportunity to study an example of brotherly love found in the Bible.

Friendship

King David’s closest friend was the son of his sworn archenemy, King Saul. His name was Jonathan, and he was the heir apparent to his father’s throne. Yet he did everything possible to ensure his best friend would become king.

King Saul himself said about Jonathan, “‘You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established’” (1 Samuel 20:30-31 NIV).

Jonathan did not act against his own best interests because he had a death wish, nor was it because he despised his father. In fact, he was one of his father’s best warriors and died by his side (2 Samuel 1:23). He acted this way because he was a good friend. And he loved David more than he loved himself (1 Samuel 18:1).

“Friendship”

Our culture has morphed friendship to such a degree that this kind of commitment seems strange. “Friends with benefits” is a term used to describe platonic relationships with the “benefit” of sex, but that term accurately describes the kind of “friendships” that abound in society today.

A “friend” is someone who provides access to career advancement or elite cliques. A “friend” is someone who strokes your ego and makes you feel good about yourself. A “friend” is someone who enhances the pool of money, time, and energy you can draw from to accomplish your end goals. And like the dew that flees from the rising sun, their love will vanish at the first sign of heat.

The Difference

With that definition of “friendship” in mind, no wonder so many people devalue it as a stump on the road to marriage and children. But Jesus said, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13 NLT). He spoke of friendship because the deepness of that relationship should demand sacrifice, not avoid it.

Jonathan wept when he and his best friend parted ways (1 Samuel 20:41-42). He risked his life to speak much needed words of encouragement to David when he was struggling to survive (1 Samuel 23:15-17). And they made promises to each other that outlived the grave (2 Samuel 21:7).

Conclusion

True friendship is as beautiful as it is rare. Just as a miner would have a hard time believing coal is made of the same stuff as precious gemstones, so we have a diminished view of friendship because of the kind of “friends” this world so often offers us. But just like diamonds in the rough, even though friendship may be tough to find, it’s still well worth the search.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

(Proverbs 17:17 NIV)

Love is Kind (Love Is… Part 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, Love is Patient, click here.

I still remember the day I found out that I was going to have a little brother. I jubilated for days while the rest of my family groaned (after having two sons, they were really hoping for a daughter). I counted the days till I’d have a mini-me to teach the glorious wonders of basketball, video games, and the Word. Then he was born.

I quickly found out that having a younger sibling was far less about instructing him to come up to my level and far more about coming down to his. I forced goofy grins as I hefted his chubby little body into the air for the hundredth time. I bit my tongue as we watched reruns of Peppa Pig when I’d much rather be enjoying a new season of The Simpsons. In short, I learned the sacrificial, giving nature of love.

Love Is

1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is kind.” The Greek word translated “kind” is “chrésteuomai”, meaning “to be full of service to others”. Love is far more than a feeling of goodwill toward another. It is an inward emotion that leads to outward action. That is why Jesus said, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13 NLT).

Just as faith without works is dead (James 2:17), so is love without kindness. Apostle James said, “Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, ‘Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well’—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do” (James 2:15-16 NLT)? Love is more than flowery sentiment and good vibrations (1 John 3:18). It’s sacrificing one’s time, energy, and money for the good of another.

Love Isn’t

Kindness encompasses what we refrain from doing as well. “Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged” (1 Corinthians 13:5 NLT).

Firstly, love doesn’t demand its own way. It permits the other to choose—the restaurant, the movie, the vacation getaway—even when its well within one’s right to unilaterally make the decision. In doing so, we humbly value others over ourselves (Philippians 2:3).

 Secondly, love isn’t irritable. As we discussed last week, love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4). It puts up with the sticky hands and screaming voices, the carpet stains and broken dishes, the gaming at 3 AM and the napping at 3 PM.

Lastly, love isn’t vindictive. Just as God flung our sins as far away from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12), so we must forgive one another’s faults. No longer should we see them as Lying Laurie or Lazy Lucas. We must see them with the eyes of Christ—as new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Conclusion

 After hearing about how much love demands, it could be easy to try replace it with a cheap substitute. But just as any true Coke lover knows that aspartame is a poor replacement for sugar, real love can never be exchanged. We must love because we’re made in the image of the God of love (Genesis 1:27). And love is kind.

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”

(1 John 4:16)

The Fruit of Joy from the Seed of Grief (Tragedies of Hope Pt. 4)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1 on “Missing the Presence”, click here. For Part 2 on “A Dying Baby, a Dead Baby, and a Living Hope”, click here. For Part 3 on “An Exiled World”, click here.

There was a mighty man of God in the New Testament known as Stephen. He was full of faith and the Holy Spirit, worked many great miracles, and rightly handled the Word of God before fierce opposition (Acts 6:8). He was one of the first leaders of the early church, and he was also its first martyr.

His enemies instigated a smear campaign against him, bringing him to trial on false charges. As he was giving a speech to an ad-hoc kangaroo court of Jewish people, they plugged their ears and stoned him to death (Acts 7). His death was the seed for the widespread persecution of the early church.

Turning Tragedy Into Grief

Acts 8:2 says, “Devout men buried Stephen and made great lamentation over him.” The Greek word translated “lamentation” here is kopeton: to literally beat one’s chest in grief. The Bible never shies away from sadness. We were never called to be Pollyannas, pretending as if “it’s all good” when it really isn’t. We should be willing to embrace grief.

A third of the Psalms—the great praise book of the Bible—are dedicated to lamentation. Even a whole book of the Bible, Lamentations, focuses on that topic specifically. We are to pour out our ragged, raw emotions to our heavenly Father.

Turning Grief Into Opportunity

These devout men and women were forced to flee from Jerusalem. Many fled to the surrounding region of Samaria for safety. But these refuges didn’t just uproot and replant, laying low until the heat died down. Acts 8:4 says, “Those who were scattered abroad went about preaching the word.”

C.S. Lewis is famous for having written, “[Pain] is [God’s] megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” Many who read this quote focus on the power of pain to open our own ears to a message we need to hear, but it also magnifies the power of our message to others.

The Apostle Paul said, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10 ESV). Part of his strength was his visceral testimony of God in the middle of his visceral suffering, just like these other early Christians.

Turning Opportunity Into Joy

Acts 8:8 states the result of the preaching of these early Christians: “So there was much joy in that city.” By embracing their mission in the midst of their pain, the early church “carried the death of Jesus in their bodies, so that His life might be revealed in others” (2 Corinthians 4:10). They rose from grief to joy and elevated a whole city with them!

Conclusion

The same Apostle Paul mentioned earlier was present at the stoning of Stephen. But he wasn’t a fierce denouncer of Stephen’s murderers; he zealously supported them! However, this marquee event was a stepping stone on his journey to salvation.

A few years later, Christ met Paul on the road to Damascus, where Paul was traveling to ravage the Christian church. Jesus asked him, “Why are you persecuting Me? It’s hard to kick against the goads” (Acts 26:14)? Something had happened to Paul that stripped from him his hatred of the Christian church, making his persecution insincere.

The death of this innocent man must have been one of the factors weighing on Paul’s mind when he turned to Jesus Christ. From this seed, this one martyr’s death, an incalculable bounty of life sprung up and continues to blossom till today.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”

(John 12:24 ESV)