Tag: rejection

Learning the Art of Rejectomancy

By Ife J. Ibitayo

A leadership development program rejected me last week. I was doubly surprised, first at my pride for assuming I’d be accepted in the first place and second that I took it so hard. I’ve been rejected by hundreds of magazine editors, dozens of schools, and plenty of women. I’d assumed that by now I’ve become an expert at “rejectomancy.” Yet every fresh refusal still doubles me over like Mike Tyson’s body blow.

Am I Worthy?

The first thing rejection challenges is our worthiness: “Am I deserving of your time, attention, and interest?” When a person, friend group, or company rejects us, we can be tempted to doubt our self-worth. We can struggle to distance our resume from the person God made. And we can struggle to imagine a future apart from the opportunity that just slammed in our faces.

But God says, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). This verse doesn’t mean that “when one door closes another opens.” There are worthwhile opportunities that for whatever reason we end up missing out on in this life. However, it does mean that there is “an expected end” that God has qualified us for regardless of the opportunities we miss.

Am I Special?

The second thing rejection touches on is specialness: “Am I beyond the ordinary?” From the day I was born, I reveled in my unique qualities. I was happy being the only black boy among a see of Mexican faces in the Rio Grande Valley. I always identified in contrast to the crowd rather than with it. But rejections fly in the face of that illusion. For example, “We received so many strong applicants this year…” but apparently, I wasn’t one of them.  

Every striver on the face of this planet will encounter this situation at least once in their lives. They were once a big fish in a small pond, then they’re plopped into the ocean filled with sharks and humpback whales. We stumble across giants, and we can’t help but compare ourselves to them.

This truth is why Ephesians 2:10 resonates so deeply within me, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” We may not be the best public speaker in our family, but there’s someone who needs our encouragement today. We may not be the world’s most talented businessperson, but there is work God has uniquely fashioned for us to champion. Our specialness is derived from the special plan God has in store for us, not the other way around.

Conclusion

According to writer Aeryn Rudel–who popularized the term “rejectomancy,” “Rejectomancy is the skill writers must master in order to weather the slings and arrows that come from putting their work out for public consumption. It’s the skill of accepting rejection letters, bad reviews, negative comments—all with grace and dignity—and still having the gumption to carry on writing.”

We all must learn how to apply a bit of rejectomancy to our lives as creators, entrepreneurs, and regular human beings. Rejection will come. But having the grace and dignity to accept it and keep on pursuing our passions, is a decision each of us must make.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.”

(Hebrews 10:35-36)

Leaving Nazareth

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Jesus Christ was a country boy. He was raised in a Podunk town in the backwaters of Judea. The geographic blip was so inconsequential even one of Jesus’ own disciples said, “Nazareth! Can anything good come from there” (John 1:46)?

Yet Nazareth was also Jesus’ home. It was where His parents, siblings, and childhood friends lived (Mark 6:3).  It was where his mother taught him how to walk and his father how to woodwork. Sadly, Nazareth was also where Jesus suffered his first rejection. Here Jesus uttered the words, “A prophet is not without honor except in His own town, among His relatives and in His own home (Mark 6:4).” In Nazareth’s synagogue he declared His mission to “bind up the brokenhearted and set the captives free” (Luke 4:1). Yet it was the only place in all of scripture “He was not able to heal many sick because of their lack of faith” (Mark 6:5). So with a heavy heart, Jesus had to leave Nazareth.

The Challenge of Leaving Nazareth

As I sit on an aircraft right now, flying back to Washington D.C. for the last time, I think of the “Nazareth” I’ll soon be leaving as well. My experience was nothing like Jesus’. Here I forged friendships I hope to carry with me till I die. I recovered from old wounds I never thought would mend. And my vision for my future crystallized so clearly I can almost taste it. But almost is just not good enough.

Within three months of when I landed in this great city, God told me I would be leaving. With my eyes set on Los Angeles, I’ve often found myself wondering why leaving Nazareth is so hard for me.

The Pain of Leaving Nazareth

As I mentioned earlier, Nazareth is home. And home is familiar. Whenever we step into God’s calling for our lives, it will be uncomfortable. The shy girl will have to stand up and speak out for the needs of the silent. The clean freak will have to get their hands dirty to serve the homeless and destitute. The introvert will have to reach out and bring the lonely into their family. Comfort is not something any of us part with willingly.  

Secondly, Nazareth is old. We have old friendships we can tap into and old haunts we can visit. We have established roots that help us weather the fiercest storms of life. But when we enter into the new, everything changes. We have to find a new job, a new home, and a new family. No wonder Jesus said, “everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life” (Matthew 19:29). He was speaking from personal experience. When Jesus left His throne in heaven, His family of the Father and the Spirit, and His home of heaven, His heart must have broken. And it must have shattered again when He left His earthly home too.

The Reward of Leaving Nazareth

But an essential shift took place when Jesus left Nazareth. Matthew 6 says “Leaving Nazareth, He went and lived in Capernaum which was by the lake in the area of Zebulun and Naphtali— to fulfill what was said through the prophet Isaiah: Land of Zebulun and land of Naphtali, the Way of the Sea beyond the Jordan, Galilee of the Gentiles—the people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned (Luke 6:13-16). In order to be where God wanted Him to be, Jesus had to leave Nazareth.

And so it is with us. That well-paying job is our Nazareth. That steady girlfriend is our Nazareth. Or even that up-and-coming city with booming nightlife is our Nazareth. But if Jesus clung onto His Nazareth, He never would have laid hold of heaven. We too have a heaven to reach, and a cross lays between us and the haven we seek. But every step of this grand adventure will be worth leaving Nazareth.

“‘Truly I tell you,'” Jesus replied, ‘no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.'”

(Mark 10:30)