By Ife J. Ibitayo
I read a proverb last week that said, “For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast” (Proverbs 15:15). And I paused to soak in this truth.
Five years ago, I would have said that 60% of happiness is caused by circumstances, 30% genetics, and 10% or less by choice. And many people would agree with this sentiment. “I’m unhappy because I have an anal boss, a horrible wife, and terrible kids.” “I’m unhappy because I’m not married yet and I don’t have a six-figure salary yet and I haven’t retired yet.” We believe our emotions are tethered to our wind-blown circumstances.
But science has shown that only 10% of our happiness is tied to our circumstances. Of the remaining 90%, 50% is related to our genes, and the remaining 40% is up to our conscious choices.
There are many articles out there that list ways to feel happier. A quick Google search will reveal titles like “25 Ways to Feel Happier in the Next Five Minutes” and “4 Proven Ways You Can Feel Happier.” But we often don’t spend enough time diagnosing why we’re feeling sad in the first place.
A Complaining Heart
A major culprit is complaining. Complaining is more than the words we say or the thoughts we harbor. Grumbling is an attitude of the spirit that silently paints the way we view the world. When I allow my mind to focus on the negative aspects of my life, I will minimize the positive. Most of us can allow one single thing going wrong in our lives to negate all the things that are going well. We may have amazing work-life balance but not be making as much as our wealthy neighbors. We might have two children who are successful but one who is struggling to find their way. God’s grace is so emphatic that most things tend to be going well at most times, but we struggle to thank Him because not everything is going well all the time.
A Jealous Heart
The second major culprit is comparison. One of the most gripping stories in the New Testament takes place after Jesus’ resurrection. As He’s walking by the Sea of Galilee with His disciples, Jesus told Peter he would suffer a horrible death. Peter immediately pointed at another disciple and asked, “What about him?”
Jesus replied, “What does that have to do with you? You follow me” (John 21:18-22)!
God has a chosen lot for each of us: Poverty or riches, sickness or health, tragedy or glory. Forest Gump really was right to say, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’ll get.” But God fashioned us specially for the box we received. Even though we think that trading our box for another’s will make us happier, we don’t know if it will make us better. And, just maybe, forcing down a couple bittersweet squares is the only way our palate can be prepared to savor a Maltese truffle.
Conclusion
The title for this article was inspired by the popular saying: “Happy wife, happy life.” As the saying implies, good life circumstances can buoy our emotions. Getting married, winning the lottery, or having a baby can all temporarily increase our happiness. But if your heart holds onto sadness, your quality of life will plummet back down to earth eventually. However, if your heart stores up joy, come rain or sunshine, you really can have a happy life.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)