Tag: gratitude

Moving the Goalposts

By Ife J. Ibitayo

After a year of writing, editing, (attempted) fundraising, and polishing, I’ve completed my first comic book. Some of my friends have asked me how it feels to have finished Let My People Ball #1, but I don’t have much to say. I’m hurriedly preparing for Los Angeles Comic Con next month, still trying to figure out this behemoth called “social media marketing”, and already iterating on Let My People Ball #2.

The Goalposts

If I’m honest with myself, one reason I’ve plowed ahead is that reflection can be painful. Looking back on this past year, seeing all the false starts, mistakes, and sacrifices, I have to ask myself, “Has it been worth it?” And I must answer this question with 20-20 hindsight and 0-0 foresight.

I’ve been watching the hit TV show Suits on Netflix recently, and it’s made me acutely aware of some of the logical fallacies I too easily fall into. One of them is called moving the goalposts “in which evidence presented in response to a specific claim is dismissed and some other (often greater) evidence is demanded.”

In this specific case, the goal is achievement. “You wrote a book? Heh, good for you,” mocks the derisory voice in my head. That milestone is worth celebrating when I’ve sold my thousandth book. Scratch that! We can pop champagne once I’m a New York Times Bestseller.

But the truth is that when we make our achievement contingent on outcomes that are largely out of our control, we deprive ourselves of the joy we need to eventually get there.

The True Story

There is another, more nefarious side to this dogged “achieve-ism”. When we neglect to acknowledge our accomplishments, we are also dismissing what God has accomplished through us. The Apostle Paul said to “Rejoice in the Lord always and give thanks to Him in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:16, 17). But we often make our praise contingent on what God has done for us rather than who He is to us. We withhold our gratitude and thanksgiving because deep down, we must see God’s goodness to believe it. We doubt the story He’s writing in the ink of our sweat and tears truly has a happy ending.

Conclusion

So I say to you, fellow author, land that publishing deal. You, striving athlete, win that championship. Or if you’re Gen Z—like my little brother, “get that bag.” But remember that the most important things in life can’t be mounted on your mantle or summed up in your bank account.

 If you’ve finished composing the greatest sonnet the world will never hear, celebrate! You graduated from college without a job? You still made it! Sometimes we need to validate our hard work first and trust that the glory will follow later. And as we wait, we can rejoice in our God who works together all things for our good and His glory.

“Do no throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.”

(Hebrews 10:35)

The Oil of Pride and the Water of Grace

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Last month, I alluded to a significant financial setback on my journey to launching a business. What if I told you since then God has graciously met my need but my pride nearly aborted the whole process?

Pride is Me-Based

America was built on the myth of self-made men and women. We’ve been conditioned to believe, “With unrelenting intensity and a can-do attitude, the best and brightest can move every mountain all on their own.” I’ve all too often fallen into this trap. But all too often bad timing, bad luck, and my bad habits remind me that I can’t always be the solution to my problems.

Grace is God-Based

In his best-selling book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell argues that the truly exceptional “appear at first blush to lie outside ordinary experience…[but their success] is grounded in a web of advantages and inheritances, some deserved, some not.” In other words, our success will always be contingent on forces beyond our control. Even the Bible affirms this truth: “The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle…And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time” (Ecclesiastes 9:11).

The atheist accept this as randomness, and the spiritual call it destiny. But the believer knows this phenomenon as grace, for even “every roll of the dice is determined by the LORD” (Proverbs 16:33). Grace points to a force beyond our own two hands that ultimately determines the outcomes in our lives. It lifts the weight of responsibility off our shoulders and places it squarely on the LORD’s. This means it also shifts the weight of glory from our crown to His.

Conclusion

Pride and grace are like oil and water; they don’t mix. For God Himself says He “opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6).

The oil of pride is complex. Crude oil is a mixture of hydrocarbons which has no easily written chemical formula. Similarly, pride requires all sorts of explanations to justify its existence.

But the water of grace is simple. Water has only two components: hydrogen and oxygen. Similarly, grace requires only two responses: gratitude and humility. And these two responses can be summed up in two words: Thank you.

“A man’s pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor.”

(Proverbs 29:23)

Article Frequency Transition

By Ife J. Ibitayo

With all of the projects I’ve undertaken recently including creating a graphic novel, finishing my second science fiction novel, and launching a company, I’ve decided to transition my blog from a weekly post to a monthly post.

Having written a post a weekly for nearly three years almost without fail, I didn’t find this decision easy to make. I still have so much I’d like to share as this journey unfolds, but I’m hoping this transition will help pave the way for some exciting announcements in the future.

Thank you all for following along, and see you again later this month!

I Thank God for the Memories (I Thank God For… Pt. 3)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, “I Thank God for Gratitude”, click here. For Part 2, “I Thank God for His Promises,” click here.

Psalm 103:2 begins with, “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.” As I reflect on this psalm as we near the end of this year, its words resonate in the depths of my inner man. Many people called 2020 “the year that took our breath away,” but for me that was 2022. Some of the highest highs and lowest lows I’ve experienced in a long time occurred during this past year.

Lowest Lows

“Who heals all your diseases” (Psalm 103:3). There are few things in life as terrifying as a false positive. When I was told at a routine checkup in May that I “might have had a heart attack,” only the word of God sustained me through that stressful week. Just as God preserved King Hezekiah on his deathbed (Isaiah 38:1-5), God’s word held me together as I spiraled under the hold of a terrifying diagnosis.

“Who redeems your life from destruction” (Psalm 103:4a). Well, there might be one thing more terrifying than a false positive: an SUV u-turning out of traffic and barreling toward you on the sidewalk. My feet were glued to the ground as my brain struggled to process what my eyes were seeing. But a voice in the back of my head cried, “Move!” and I leapt out of the way right before the vehicle flattened a yield sign and crashed into a tree. For weeks, anxiety swirled within me as I walked around my neighborhood. But the God who’s protected me for all my years before promised to continue protecting me now. And I knew I could trust in Him.

Highest Highs

“Who crowns you with love and compassion” (Psalm 103:5a). In the midst of the many difficult moments this past year, I found God trustworthy. Even when I was stressing over small things, God proved loving and compassionate. One day, I found out that the mover I had selected to transport my stuff across the country was untrustworthy. But after several hours of scouring the internet, I had no alternative plan. So I went for a walk to pray, and I saw the moving truck for a company I had never heard of. When I researched them, they turned out to be a perfect fit, and they transported my belongings seamlessly.

“Who satisfies your desires with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s” (Psalm 103:5b). Since moving to Los Angeles, I’ve been blown away by God’s tremendous hand of blessing upon my life. Wonderful people have entered my journey at every step. I have classmates to celebrate with, believers to fellowship alongside, and a family to call home even when I’m a thousand miles from Houston. I never expected the food, fun, and laughs that I’ve found in this new city. And each new day I find myself waking up wondering if I’m still dreaming.

Conclusion

Memories are pictures etched in the photo album of our minds that we can flip back to in the years to come. I’m sure they will grey and grow fuzzy with time, but I’m positive that I will soon turn back to 2022 and thank God for the memories.

“I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done.”

(1 Chronicles 16:12)

I Thank God for Gratitude (I Thank God For… Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

 About this time five years ago, I was a dispirited engineering graduate student. I experienced discouragement daily, frustration weekly, and hopelessness monthly. I vomited my heart’s content to God in prayer week after week. But one afternoon, He interrupted me with two words: “Thank Me.”

The thought struck me like a glancing blow to the head. It was so far out of left field that I dismissed it and carried on lamenting. But God repeated, “Thank Me.”

I shot back, “Don’t you know what I’m going through? Why on earth should I thank You?” But from that day forward, God began to teach me the essential value of gratitude.

Be Grateful for the Mundane

Christian author and artist Joni Eareckson Tada once had a mentor who started off every day by saying, “I thank you God for giving me arms that move and legs that walk.” Joni found this acknowledgment ridiculous until she found herself paralyzed from the neck down years later.

When we focus on our problems, pain, or poverty, we often neglect the silent blessings that God gifts us every day.  From the bed I lay on at night to the clothes I slip on in the morning, the sandwich I eat for lunch or the job I clock out of for dinner, each day is filled with a multitude of blessings we’ve grown used to. When we take the time to explicitly enumerate such graces, we can appreciate how blessed our life remains even when it is filled with staggering difficulties.

Be Grateful in the Bad

Furthermore, there is often good to be found in the bad if we dare to look for it. In fifth grade, my tonsils swelled in my throat. I collapsed out of my chair as I struggled to breathe, and my teacher called an ambulance. I could not believe that the paramedics were coming for me, of all people.

But I still remember my relief when my mom arrived on the scene and my heartfelt gratitude for a kind letter a classmate gave me the following day. There are very few other moments in my life that I felt as loved and supported as I did that week in spite of the terror of gasping for air. Even though the good to be found in bad situations may not be evident, that doesn’t mean it’s nonexistent.

Be Grateful for Our God

Lastly, gratitude focuses our minds on the greatness of our good God rather than the badness of our evil problems. The psalmist Asaph once said, “When the earth and all its people quake, it is God who holds its pillars firm” (Psalm 75:3). If God can steady Los Angeles when it quakes (which it does thirty times a day), He can surely steady my life when I’m shaken by stress or distress. Such reminders grant us fresh perspective on our challenging life circumstances.

Conclusion

From the day I made a habit of gratitude—thanking God daily in my prayers and keeping a list of ten things I am grateful for each evening, my master’s experience improved. My circumstances hadn’t changed. Several months passed before tangible signs of hope entered the test cell I slaved in day and night. But the transformation within me directly impacted my view of the world around me. And that is why I’ve found gratitude to not be the product of a good life but the input that produces a beautiful one.

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

(1 Thessalonians 5:18)

New Problems, Same God

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Last Monday, I found myself perched uncomfortably on a hospital bed. A woman in a black dress strutted in and took a seat across the room from me. She glanced my way and casually said, “You might have had a heart attack.”

With a sheet of paper in my hands with obscure lines traced across it and a sticky note referral to a cardiologist, I realized I was back in my car. I gripped my steering wheel, fighting back tears. But the dam broke, and I wept bitterly, “Not again! Lord, please let this not be happening all over again!” I’ve had petty problems and big problems, but now it seems that every new year I collide face-first with a new problem. But then God brought to my mind a Bible story I’d read just that morning.

Old Problems

King Hezekiah was one of Judah’s last good kings. He demolished idols and defeated nations leading to spiritual and economic revival. But during his reign, the mighty Assyrian empire ransacked the northern kingdom of Israel and set its sights on the southern kingdom of Judah. It captured every fortified city in Judah besides Jerusalem (Isaiah 36). And on top of all that, King Hezekiah fell fatally ill and was told by the prophet Isaiah that he was going to die (Isaiah 38:1). In the middle of his grief, King Hezekiah made a passionate plea to the LORD for his life, and God sent Isaiah back to the king with this message, “‘I have heard your prayer. I have seen your tears. Behold, I will add fifteen years to your life’” (Isaiah 38:5).

This was the verse that God brought to my mind. He told me sitting there in my car crying in that hospital driveway, “‘I have heard your prayer. I have seen your tears. Behold, I will add fifteen years to your life.’”

Same God

Later that day, I made a call to the cardiologist, and they were able to slot me in for a visit at the end of the week (a mini-miracle in and of itself). And by Friday’s end, I was walking out of another hospital, but this time I had a smile on my face and a fresh lease on life. The same God who was faithful to King Hezekiah has been faithful to me.

God taught me that His promises don’t come with an expiration date. They never go bad. The same promises He made thousands of years ago, He is faithful to keep today. Because God doesn’t change, neither do His promises.

“‘The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever.'”

(Isaiah 40:8)

Where I Am

By Ife J. Ibitayo

When I approached my laptop to start this article, I had no idea what I’d write about. I spent some time scrolling back through the articles I’ve written over the past several months, and I was surprised to see just how many of them were written in the spur of the moment. For some writers, this may be fairly normal, but it isn’t for me.

Where I Came From

When I first started this blog a little over two years ago, I was struggling with crippling anxiety. The only thing that calmed my fears was clarity. Knowing what tomorrow held was the answer to my fears today.

That terrible fear of the unknown seeped into every inch of my life: what work I’d finish on the job tomorrow, where I’d be going this coming weekend, and even what article I’d be writing next week. If any space in my life became even slightly murky, panic would surge up like a roaring wave and threaten to drown my peace of mind.

Where I Was Going

But slowly something began to change. Week after week, month after month, fresh idea or no idea, I’d approach this computer screen, and I was forced to trust that God had a plan and a purpose for my fingers that morning. And every day I’d walk away with something I could stamp my seal of approval on. My writings will never be engraved in the annals of man as the greatest blog posts in history. But they have been an authentic and raw exploration of the traumas of my past, my struggles in the present, and my fears for the future.

I still remember when God first laid this blog on my heart. A month had passed since we’d received the decree that “thou shalt work from home indefinitely.” I had more time on my hands than I’d had in years. I spent many hours thinking through my pain, frustration, and grief, and I knew that the only path forward was to write my thoughts down. But then I felt led to publish my diary before the eyes of the world, to place my private musings where everyone else could read them. And I was petrified. But God ministered to my heart that the healing He was devising for me was not just for me. There would be many hurting people who’d read my words and receive the same grace I needed.

Where I Am

Through this blog I’ve learned so much about my own brokenness: my insecurity, my need for affirmation, my predisposition to please people. But I’ve also seen the faithful hand of my heavenly Father through the years. I survived undergrad and grad school, my first job and my first pandemic, true love and genuine heartbreak. I enjoy life at a deeper level now than I could while trapped in the labyrinth of my unprocessed emotions. And I know a key part of that has been untangling my thoughts before all of you who’ve read my words over the years.

When next week comes, I again might have no idea what I’m going to write about. I might not know what work holds for me tomorrow or what God has planned for my future. But I’ve come to trust—just a little better—that God is penning a story that I can’t wait to read in my life and surely in yours as well.

“Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, He will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go,’ whether to the right or to the left.”

(Isaiah 30:20-21)

Blessed Singleness

By Ife J. Ibitayo

We all tend to neglect the benefits of the season of life we’re in. When I was completing my bachelor’s degree, the end of the rainbow was the beginning of my master’s degree. Then it became the beginning of my working career. Now it’s retirement. Similarly, most of us don’t appreciate the benefits of the relational season of life God has placed us in. Every single single person I know is pining after their wedding day. All married people are waiting for children. Then as soon as these little, nutty creatures are born, they want to be empty nesters and grandparents.

An intriguing article I read called “Is Anticipation Even Better Than the Real Thing?” said, “The pleasure derived from anticipating something enjoyable is often equal to or greater than the pleasure derived from the event itself. This is because we’re inventing and idealizing the future.”

 When we anticipate the future, we think our future wife will be the implacable Carol Brady, the perceptive Claire Huxtable, and the vivacious Vivian Banks all rolled into one. But when she loses her temper or burns the cookies (again) or zonks out at 9 o’ clock for the tenth day in a row, we suddenly realize our earth angel is all too human. Conversely, we minimize the benefits of our current season and magnify its drawbacks.

Time

One of the most important benefits of singleness is time, which meaningful relationships tend to gobble up. It takes time to call my friends each week and drive to my cousin’s each month and fly home to my family each year.  I perpetually find myself in need of more time, not less. The extra free time I have allows me to take long prayer walks in my neighborhood. It has encouraged me to open my home to young adults on Thursday nights and serve in a variety of capacities at my church. And it has given me a chance to plug away at my many writing projects: including this blog you’re reading right now.

Flexibility

Secondly, singleness grants me flexibility that married people don’t have. I once called up a friend of mine who’d checked into an alcohol recovery program in southern Virginia. I offered to drive down to see him that same night, and though he turned me down, I realized later that these are the kinds of offers only singles can make (in good conscience).

Conclusion

Someone once said, “singleness is the gift everyone’s looking to regift.” I admit, I wrestle with this idea daily. Almost by the hour I find myself silently praying for God to send me my special someone. But I’ve slowly come to appreciate the unique privileges of singleness. We regret the opportunities that we let pass us by. So I’m trying to wring out every drop of this blessed season of my life until the next one comes.

“Godliness with contentment is great gain.”

(1 Timothy 6:6)

In Defense of Winter

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I hate winter. January and February are some of the hardest months of the year for me. The holidays have passed, and summer is too far away as the icy winter chill freezes my body into a corpsicle.

I never understood the profound mental impact of seasons until I moved north. I’ve always lived in warm places—California, Florida, Texas—so winter was always just a welcome reprieve from the sun’s incessant heat. Summer never really ended. It just retreated for a few months to regather its strength.

But here in Virginia, winter signals death. All animal life dies or burrows deep. And trees deform into ugly scarecrows, pointing leafless stubs into the heavens as if to accuse God, “You did this to me!”

A couple years ago, when I first experienced winter here in Virginia, I found myself asking God, “Why did you create this horrendous season? Why can’t we just skip from fall to spring?” Since then, He has ministered to me a couple valuable truths about winter.

Winter Prepares Our Bodies

One of the first articles I read about the benefit of winter said, “Many plants need shorter days and lower temperatures to become dormant. This way, plants can store up energy for new growth. If a fruit tree doesn’t have enough chilling time, it will produce fewer, weaker buds.”

Similarly, in the intervening months between the holiday season and spring, we just can’t do as much outside, and we interact less with others. This extra time is not wasted, but much like the fruit tree, gives us time to grow deep roots and prepare for the spring of rapid growth. If you’re like me, a born workaholic, work is the given, and rest is a rarity. I often don’t slow down until I’m forced to by exhaustion, sickness, external circumstances, or all of the above. Winter is one of those circumstances. It forces me to slow down now so that I can speed up when the appointed time arrives later.

Winter Prepares Our Eyes

Secondly, you can’t truly appreciate spring without winter. An Indian friend of mine once joked that India has three seasons: hot, hotter, and hottest. And this statement resonated deeply in my sunbaked Texan bones.

But here in Virginia, everything dies in winter: insects, trees, joggers (at least that’s what I assume happens to them). Beauty vanishes for months, replaced by monotonous sheets of grey and white. But when spring arrives, my attention is always arrested by the riot of revived life. Songbirds wake me up in the morning as they sing from newly formed nests on sprouting redbuds. The sun sinks just a little later, allowing me to be awed by dazzling purple and red sunsets. Only the cold dark of winter prepared my eyes to appreciate the bright daybreak of spring.

Conclusion

I am convinced that winter will always be my least favorite season. But its also had the most profound impact on my life. The cold months of suffering I’ve braved, both literally and existentially, have dramatically shaped the man I now am. Any seed of resilience, courage, patience, and longsuffering that’s flowered in my life today was planted in the cold, hard soil of winter. So even if I never come to cherish that season, I will always defend it.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

(Ecclesiastes 3:1)

The Power of An Unexpected Gift (New Angles on the Nativity Pt. 3)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I once lost my ID. I’d been hustling my way through the airport, trying to catch a flight, when I flashed my ID to a TSA agent. Somewhere in the bustle of unpacking my luggage at security and boarding my flight, my ID vanished. But I didn’t even know this had occurred until I received a mysterious letter in the mail.

I opened the thin envelope and found my ID card wrapped in a note. The stranger told me about how they’d found my identification and decided to mail it to me. They also shared the love of Jesus Christ. I was already a Christian at the time, but the gratitude that flooded my heart was close to a conversion experience.

The Most Unexpected Gift

I remembered this story as I was shopping for Christmas presents for my family. I realized that the best presents we receive are often things we never knew we needed, but once we receive them, we don’t know how we lived without them. The greatest example of that is the love of Jesus Christ.

Many of us walk through life with holes in our souls. Because of our relationship—or lack thereof—with our parents, we feel unloved and unwanted. Or discrimination we’ve faced on the job has blasted gaping holes in our self-worth. Or our sweetheart bitterly broke our heart this holiday season. We’ve tried to fill this hole with just the right present—fresh kicks, a new car, or a bigger house—or presence—a new lover, a new boss, or a new friend. But the hole within us hasn’t just remained, it’s grown larger until the whole of us is empty. But then Jesus crawls down the chimneys of our hearts lugging an unexpected present: a cross.

He left His home so that He could bring us home. He gave up His family so that He could make us family. And He sacrificed His life so that we could truly live. He gave the only gift that could truly fill our void: Himself.

Conclusion

Which brings me to my second story. This year, I knew a small group who wrapped Christmas presents for college students on campus. They spent over a month filling the boxes with goodies and writing personalized letters as they prepared for the day when they would hand deliver them to the students who would receive them. But at the last minute, they were notified that someone else would be giving those presents to the students. These young men never got the chance to see the impact their unexpected gifts would make in the lives of others.

But the power of an unexpected gift always carries wings. It will last for years in the memories of those blessed by it. It will spread from person to person, family to family, and even nation to nation as countless others share its story. And it will live on in our hearts just like the love of that precious baby boy who was born in a manger 2000 years ago.

“Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!”

(2 Corinthians 9:15)