Where I Am

By Ife J. Ibitayo

When I approached my laptop to start this article, I had no idea what I’d write about. I spent some time scrolling back through the articles I’ve written over the past several months, and I was surprised to see just how many of them were written in the spur of the moment. For some writers, this may be fairly normal, but it isn’t for me.

Where I Came From

When I first started this blog a little over two years ago, I was struggling with crippling anxiety. The only thing that calmed my fears was clarity. Knowing what tomorrow held was the answer to my fears today.

That terrible fear of the unknown seeped into every inch of my life: what work I’d finish on the job tomorrow, where I’d be going this coming weekend, and even what article I’d be writing next week. If any space in my life became even slightly murky, panic would surge up like a roaring wave and threaten to drown my peace of mind.

Where I Was Going

But slowly something began to change. Week after week, month after month, fresh idea or no idea, I’d approach this computer screen, and I was forced to trust that God had a plan and a purpose for my fingers that morning. And every day I’d walk away with something I could stamp my seal of approval on. My writings will never be engraved in the annals of man as the greatest blog posts in history. But they have been an authentic and raw exploration of the traumas of my past, my struggles in the present, and my fears for the future.

I still remember when God first laid this blog on my heart. A month had passed since we’d received the decree that “thou shalt work from home indefinitely.” I had more time on my hands than I’d had in years. I spent many hours thinking through my pain, frustration, and grief, and I knew that the only path forward was to write my thoughts down. But then I felt led to publish my diary before the eyes of the world, to place my private musings where everyone else could read them. And I was petrified. But God ministered to my heart that the healing He was devising for me was not just for me. There would be many hurting people who’d read my words and receive the same grace I needed.

Where I Am

Through this blog I’ve learned so much about my own brokenness: my insecurity, my need for affirmation, my predisposition to please people. But I’ve also seen the faithful hand of my heavenly Father through the years. I survived undergrad and grad school, my first job and my first pandemic, true love and genuine heartbreak. I enjoy life at a deeper level now than I could while trapped in the labyrinth of my unprocessed emotions. And I know a key part of that has been untangling my thoughts before all of you who’ve read my words over the years.

When next week comes, I again might have no idea what I’m going to write about. I might not know what work holds for me tomorrow or what God has planned for my future. But I’ve come to trust—just a little better—that God is penning a story that I can’t wait to read in my life and surely in yours as well.

“Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, He will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go,’ whether to the right or to the left.”

(Isaiah 30:20-21)

Hitler, Will Smith, and Cancel Culture

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I’ve always rooted against Germany’s soccer team. As a matter of course, I favor Latin American teams over European teams, and I admit to being a Brazilian bandwagoner. But for some reason, I despised Germany in particular.

On a completely unrelated note, I voraciously devoured Holocaust novels as a child. Night by Elie Wiesel, The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank, and many other lesser-known novels gripped my imagination as an elementary student. My brain just couldn’t piece together how so great a nation could commit so great an atrocity.

It wasn’t until I read a book called Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas that I finally connected the two: “At the beginning of the war, it was possible to separate the Nazis from the Germans and recognize that not all Germans were Nazis. As the clash between [Germany and Britain] wore on, and as more and more English fathers and sons and brothers died, distinguishing the difference became more difficult. Eventually the difference vanished altogether…As [Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s parents] took in the hard news that the good man who was their son was now dead, so too, many English took in the hard news that the dead man who was a German was good.”

The Truth Behind Cancel Culture

My subtle subconscious prejudice may sound rather incredible, especially as a young black man growing up in the racially charged streets of America. But I believe a wider social practice of this is rampant today. It is called “cancel culture.” Dictionary.com defines cancel culture as “publicly rejecting, boycotting, or ending support for particular people or groups because of their socially or morally unacceptable views or actions.”

Interestingly enough, after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars’ his biggest fear was “being cancelled.” Now cancel culture isn’t inherently evil. We’ve entered a day and age where individuals have been empowered to force powerful public figures and organizations to reckon with their actions. However, it is telling that cancel culture has no timeline associated with it. Once someone is cancelled, they will always be.

At the root of permanent cancel culture is a heart of unforgiveness. Cancel culture says, “No matter how deep your contrition, no matter how great your atonement, you are dead to me.” But Jesus Christ said, “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them” (Luke 17:3). Forgiveness is sensitive, it welcomes the penitent. But unforgiveness is ossified, it will always be too late, and it will never be enough.

Now a word must be said about consequences. True repentance demands restitution. For instance, after World War II, Germany paid reparations for nearly ten years, and it’s standard of living was set back by a decade as well.    

However, when Germany calls out Russia on its war crimes in Ukraine, the rest of us don’t roll our eyes. We listen intently because Germany has been forgiven and restored just as we hope Russia can one day be.

Conclusion

I needed a fresh reminder that Germany has given us some of the world’s greatest treasures: the Protestant Reformation, the printing press, and the BMW. Germany is more than Hitler; Russia is more than Putin; and Will Smith is more than a slap. If we accept this truth, we might be able to foster a culture of reconciliation rather than cancellation.   

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
(Ephesians 4:32)

Great Expectations

By Ife J. Ibitayo

The actor Ryan Reynolds once said, “When you have expectations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.” Reynolds is not exactly the greatest sage of our generation, but his viewpoint carries strong resonance for many, especially millennials. We millennials are the perennial pimple-faced freshmen of our era, the hormonal, awkward teenagers who never really grew up. We just transferred our angst from classrooms to boardrooms and home offices. We are jaded about politics, jaded about the economy, and jaded about God.

Dashed Expectations

Irish theologian Alister McGrath wrote that, “For many Christians, an experience of God lies at the heart of the religious dynamic. This experience may subsequently lead to theological formulations…yet these formulations are ultimately secondary to the experience that precipitated and shaped them.” In other words, our thoughts of God often stem from our experience of God, not the other way around. And one of the prevailing sentiments of God today is disappointment.

God allowed our nation to experience one of the greatest recessions in American history. He stood by as COVID-19 snuffed out 6 million precious lives. And He did nothing as Russia invaded Ukraine, triggering Europe’s largest refugee crisis since World War II. Many would rather live in a world without God than a God who would allow such tragedies as these.

These past several years, I’ve struggled with disappointment with God as well. I was disappointed with college, grad school, my first job, and my first love interest. I’ve spent months working myself into frenzied excitement about a promise I believed I’d received from the big man upstairs only to have my foundation collapse. I wake up lying on the cold floor surrounded by my dashed expectations and shattered dreams. I’ve spent many nights crying out to a God who is inconveniently silent when I need to hear from Him the most.

Great Expectations

In the midst of my dejection, I stumbled upon a book by one of my favorite author’s called Disappointment with God. In it, Philip Yancey wrote, “Faith means believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse.” In the middle of a rainstorm, it may feel like the sun will never shine again, but we know it will—it must—because the sun is reliable. Similarly, God is trustworthy. The weeping prophet Jeremiah once said, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23). God is more dependable than the sun, and every new day we rise to affirms this truth.

Conclusion

We may be going through a disappointing season right now, and greater disappointments surely lay ahead. But we must not forget in the darkness what we proclaimed in the light. The LORD is not a disappointing God but a great one. And a great God demands great expectations.

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

(1 Corinthians 2:9)

Leaping Into the Abyss

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I love control. As a happy creature of habit, I love my Takeout Tuesdays and my free time on Fridays. I religiously adjust my thermostat every night to optimize my sleep. And every day I guard my thirty-minute lunch break like it’s the Holy Grail. Because control is my sacred relic—”my precious.” Feeling in control is one of my strongest sources of peace today, and it have been for a very long time.

Restriction and Freedom

Ironically, the more control we seek, the more restricted we will be. We know instinctively that innovation requires a certain amount of chaos. Failure, mistakes, and waste are all essential components of progress. I assent to all this in theory, but in practice I spend my days in utter terror of my imperfections. I don’t remember the hundreds of times I did a perfectly satisfactory job. Rather, I remember each and every moment I slipped up.

Trust, on the other hand, frees. The Bible often equates trusting with casting. For instance, Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.” The word translated “cares” in this verse is the Hebrew word yehab, meaning “a burden that has been given to us.” When we spend our days carrying around the burdens placed on us, we won’t have the capacity to carry much else. But when we give our burdens to God, we will then be free to tackle greater challenges and even help others who are struggling under their own heavy loads.

Caution and Daring

Control is cautious. It’s risk averse. Whether it be asking for a raise, revealing a talent, or proposing to a beautiful woman, the most meaningful opportunities in life will require us to relinquish control. They demand a leap of faith.

The author of the book of Hebrews said, “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going (Hebrews 11:8). Faith is audacious and bold. It’s daring. It’s willing to leap into the abyss, step into the darkness, and let go of the rope. If we’re only willing to move forward when we’ve been given a map of the whole journey, we’ll spend our whole lives going nowhere.

Conclusion

Control and trust are polar opposites. The more time I spent reflecting on their differences, the starker they became: Control hoards while trust gives. Control demands more and more while trust requires less and less. Control depends on what’s in our hands. Trust depends on Whose hands we’re in.

Finishing this article was a struggle for me. The weight of anxiety threatens to smother my heart as I enter this new, exciting phase of my life. But I must leap into the abyss, step into the darkness, and let go of the rope. I must renounce control so that I can receive trust. All I can do now is pray that God catches me.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.

(Proverbs 3:5-6)

How to Be a Happy Creature of Habit

Ife J. Ibitayo

I am a happy creature of habit. Every morning, I wake up at 7 AM, brush my teeth and change into my work clothes. I head into the kitchen and grab a fruit cup, two cheese sticks, two granola bars, and a glass of juice. I spend thirty minutes reading my Bible, then dive into work. My patterns continue throughout the day. I used to joke that if a stalker were trying to peg me down, they’d be finished in a day.

Yet all of us are slaves to our habits. We just have to have our Starbucks latte and scroll through Instagram as we ride the train to work. Or we have to eat out for lunch because we just don’t have enough time in the morning to make something healthy. Or we have to binge scary Netflix movies before we go to sleep each night because that’s the only way we can relax (still don’t quite understand that mindset). When anywhere from half to three-fourths of our actions each day are habit driven, the habits we form are very important indeed.

But how do we change our habits when we are our habits?

Finding a Vision

The first step is laying hold of a vision. The Apostle Paul once said of believers, “We all, with unveiled faces, looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18a). We innately become what we fix our eyes on. We have to be energized by a goal, an end destination that is worth the high price of change.

Starting Small

Secondly, start small. For many of us, when we read an article like this, we may be tempted to go vegan, finish our magnum opus, and become the perfect spouse, parent, and employee all by next week. But drastic, unsustainable change never lasts. Someone once said, “Greatness is not composed of one big act but a thousand little ones.” When we commit to eating out one less time a week, or writing one page of that novel, or saying, “I love you” as soon as we wake up, we are setting ourselves up for future greatness, one tiny habit change at a time.

Celebrating Victories

Lastly, celebrate the victories, both big and small. I especially struggle with this. I tend to see each hill I climb as a fresh vantage point to start eyeing the next mountaintop. But science shows that the act of celebrating reduces stress and increases our productivity. Patting ourselves on the back for following through with our commitments makes it more likely for us to keep them long term.

Conclusion

Almost all of us have bad habits that we tolerate in our lives. But life was never meant to be tolerated; it’s meant to be lived. When we find the right goal, get off to a manageable start, and celebrate the progress we make, we’ll be just that much closer to the fullness of being God has called us to.

“I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.”

(Ecclesiastes 3:12)

Biking Up the Hills of Life

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I lived in Austin, Texas for three years. I never owned a car. Biking was my favorite mode of locomotion, and I remember many Saturday afternoons where I cursed myself as I returned from Half Price Books with a backpack weighed down by novels. The city is built on hilly terrain, and those knee-straining, sweat-inducing heartbreakers taught me many valuable life lessons.

Position Warps Perspective

Firstly, position warps perspective. Asaph the Psalmist once said, “When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before You” (Psalm 73:21-22). That was certainly true for me as I labored up those merciless mountains. Two thousand feet felt more like two thousand miles. As joggers galloped past me, I would lament, “This hill never ends.” But no hill in the world extends forever.

Oxford defines a valley as “a low area of land between hills or mountains.” This may seem pretty obvious, but all too often, we struggle out of valleys without remembering that a mountaintop awaits us if we keep on climbing.

Hills Build Endurance

Secondly, hills build endurance. My perfect city would have biking lanes you can drive a bus through, speed limits of thirty or lower (even on highways), and roads flatter than the horizon. Flat streets are my biking Red Bull: They give me wings. I fly down them, cranking up the gears as I zoom through green lights. But running (which shares many commonalities with biking) coach Laura Fountain said, “Running up hills builds strength and power in your legs, which, as well as helping you bound up hills like a mountain goat, will transfer into faster speeds on flats too.”

This principle is not just true in exercise but in life as well. The Apostle James said, “Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:2-4). If we never train ourselves to endure challenging circumstances now, we’ll remain unprepared for them when they arise in the future. And they will come, steep mountains that no loved one can carry us over and no one can be paid to scale for us.

Descents Grant Rest

Lastly, descents grant rest. If you are riding a bike without a gear system, you’ll quickly realize that pedaling while traveling downhill is a wasted venture. You should just rest your legs and let gravity do the work. This same truth also applies to life. When we spend our vacations catching up on work or off days running errands, we are trying to furiously pedal downhill. The sage King Solomon once said, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). There is a time to work and a time to rest, a time to strive and a time to recline. We bike the race of life the best when we learn how to distinguish which is which.

Conclusion

Since I’ve moved out of Austin, I’ve lived in many cities and owned many bikes. Much to my consternation, I’ve discovered that hills are everywhere! They’re found in sunny California and windy Indiana, in steaming Texas and storming Virginia. And no matter how long we live, the hills of life will keep on popping up. But if we learn how to approach them with right perspective, climb them with right endurance, and descend them with right repose, we may just live to bike another day.

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

(James 1:12-14)

The Courage Leadership of Volodymyr Zelenskyy (Shared History, Broken Promises Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Living here in the United States, I honestly scoffed at the concept of a country having both a president and a prime minister. In ignorance, I always saw such “presidents” as glorified figureheads. It wasn’t until Zelenskyy stood up when the rest of the world expected him to fly out–like Afghanistan’s former president Ashraf Ghani–that I realized how wrong I was.

This article is not meant to lionize Zelenskyy at the expense of condemning Ghani. Both leaders were dealt horrible hands, and I still lament the deplorable way the United States concluded the War in Afghanistan.  But I hope that by contrasting their divergent responses to the crises they faced, we can learn some valuable lessons about leadership.

Set the Tone

The first words I heard from the Ukrainian president were: “The fight is here; I need ammunition, not a ride.” His words touched something deep within me, and rallied the world in support of his beleaguered nation. His statement stands in stark contrast to Ashraf Ghani’s: “Now is not the moment for a long assessment of the events leading up to my departure.”

There are countless differences between the takeover in Afghanistan and the invasion of Ukraine, but one of the most important distinctions is how their presidents responded. A primary reason Ukraine has still not capitulated to Russia’s might is that Zelenskyy hasn’t given up on his nation. His country’s war is his war. Their fight is his fight.

It may seem like that should be a given for any leader, but far too often, leaders take their bag of money and escape down the nearest safety chute. When times get tough for our church, our company, or our country, where are we? As leaders, we set the tone, and those under us follow suit.

Dictate the Terms

Secondly, Zelenskyy did not let others choose his decisions for him. Zelenskyy insisted on staying in Ukraine because he believed his presence during this crisis was more valuable than his safety. Returning to former president Ghani, he told the BBC, “My instructions had been to prepare for departure for [the city of] Khost. [My national security adviser] told me that Khost had fallen and so had Jalalabad. I did not know where we will go. Only when we took off, it became clear that we were leaving [Afghanistan].” But as president of Afghanistan, he had the authority to stay if he insisted.

We choose leaders because at the end of the day, we hope that they will have the courage to make decisions and own up to them, even when their wrong. But when our leaders let others lead them, they are abdicating their duty and relinquishing the authority we entrusted them with in the first place.

Conclusion

The greatest men and women in history were leaders. They steered the course of millions of lives toward glory or the grave through the decisions they made. As we step into leadership in our households, our workplaces, or our governments, we’re faced with the same responsibility and opportunity these leaders faced. I pray we lead well; the future depends on it.

“When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.”

(Luke 12:48)

The Fear and Pride of Vladimir Putin (Shared History, Broken Promises Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

As bombs burst, rifles blast, and fires blaze in Ukraine—a nation with a larger population than California—I find myself with a long list of questions and too few answers. Top among them is: What is motivating Vladimir Putin to invade another sovereign nation?

Fear

One of Putin’s primary motivators is fear. “In a pre-dawn TV address on 24 February, he declared Russia could not feel ‘safe, develop, and exist’ because of what he claimed was a constant threat from modern Ukraine.” Considering that Russia’s army alone is larger than the entire Ukrainian armed forces, this is a patently ridiculous claim. But fear drives irrationality.

Whether it be Brexit overseas or Trumpism here at home, fear of others brings out the worst in all of us. But love brings out the best. That is why love and fear cannot coexist. As the Apostle John said, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). True love casts out fear, not other people. It doesn’t invade their homeland but invites them into our own.

Pride

Secondly, Putin is motivated by pride. “The Russian dictator has grown to see himself as not another middling, kleptocratic dictator, but as a figure of historic import, dedicated to restoring Russian greatness.” Here in the United States, we’ve seen the tremendous amount of damage attempting to make a nation “great again” can wreak. All too often, those who lift themselves up do so by pushing others down. They reduce greatness to a zero-sum game where in order to win, everyone else must lose. But that was never God’s intent for greatness.

Jesus said, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26-28). We were made for greatness, but it can only be found by putting others first. Our selfish desires must give way to selfless ones. Our backs must bend to scrub other people’s feet, just like Jesus did (John 13:4-5). Only then will we lay hold of true greatness rather than egotistical self-aggrandizement.

Conclusion

Fear and pride lay close at hand for all of us. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, a former prisoner of Russia’s Gulag once said, “The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either — but right through every human heart.” The only thing that separates you and me from a tyrannical dictator is not culture, education, or power. It’s grace.

“But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: ‘God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.’”

(James 4:6)

Blessed Singleness

By Ife J. Ibitayo

We all tend to neglect the benefits of the season of life we’re in. When I was completing my bachelor’s degree, the end of the rainbow was the beginning of my master’s degree. Then it became the beginning of my working career. Now it’s retirement. Similarly, most of us don’t appreciate the benefits of the relational season of life God has placed us in. Every single single person I know is pining after their wedding day. All married people are waiting for children. Then as soon as these little, nutty creatures are born, they want to be empty nesters and grandparents.

An intriguing article I read called “Is Anticipation Even Better Than the Real Thing?” said, “The pleasure derived from anticipating something enjoyable is often equal to or greater than the pleasure derived from the event itself. This is because we’re inventing and idealizing the future.”

 When we anticipate the future, we think our future wife will be the implacable Carol Brady, the perceptive Claire Huxtable, and the vivacious Vivian Banks all rolled into one. But when she loses her temper or burns the cookies (again) or zonks out at 9 o’ clock for the tenth day in a row, we suddenly realize our earth angel is all too human. Conversely, we minimize the benefits of our current season and magnify its drawbacks.

Time

One of the most important benefits of singleness is time, which meaningful relationships tend to gobble up. It takes time to call my friends each week and drive to my cousin’s each month and fly home to my family each year.  I perpetually find myself in need of more time, not less. The extra free time I have allows me to take long prayer walks in my neighborhood. It has encouraged me to open my home to young adults on Thursday nights and serve in a variety of capacities at my church. And it has given me a chance to plug away at my many writing projects: including this blog you’re reading right now.

Flexibility

Secondly, singleness grants me flexibility that married people don’t have. I once called up a friend of mine who’d checked into an alcohol recovery program in southern Virginia. I offered to drive down to see him that same night, and though he turned me down, I realized later that these are the kinds of offers only singles can make (in good conscience).

Conclusion

Someone once said, “singleness is the gift everyone’s looking to regift.” I admit, I wrestle with this idea daily. Almost by the hour I find myself silently praying for God to send me my special someone. But I’ve slowly come to appreciate the unique privileges of singleness. We regret the opportunities that we let pass us by. So I’m trying to wring out every drop of this blessed season of my life until the next one comes.

“Godliness with contentment is great gain.”

(1 Timothy 6:6)

Standing Above the Lovelorn Sea

By Ife J. Ibitayo

If winter is the season I hate the most, February is its worst month. January at least has New Year’s Day, and I still bask in warm reminiscence of March’s spring break. But the month of February has no holidays, well any worth celebrating when you’re single.

Fresh flowers, cuddly bears, and red hearts assail me at grocery stores. Affectionate couples shame me at dine-in restaurants and movie theatres. Twenty-eight days mock me with a singular reminder: “You’re all alone, buddy.”

This pain is especially personal to me because I was ready to be married by the time I turned fifteen. Yep, by then I’d already hung up my cap, kissed my bachelor glory days goodbye, and poised my pen to write a new chapter in my story. Fast forward a decade later and that page has remained (astonishingly) blank. Being a romantic at heart, I embraced several of our culture’s fallacies about love.

You’re Nobody Until Somebody Loves You

The first lie I believe was best sung by the venerable Dean Martin: “You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you.” I wanted to be somebody! I took growing up in a loving family for granted. My parents and my brothers have to love me. I wanted someone who didn’t have to have me in their life, but of all the men on the face of this planet, they chose me alone forever.

You’re Half a Person Until You Meet Your Other Half

The second lie I accepted was that you’re incomplete until you meet your other half. I felt this “truth” viscerally, like a hole in my soul that could only be filled by the right woman. She’d alleviate my insecurities, heal my scars, and secure my destiny. Therapist Esther Perel said it well, “We come to one person, and we are asking them to give us what an entire village used to provide. Give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity, but give me transcendence and mystery and all in one.” In short, she’d be my salvation.

Your Somebody/Your Other Half

As outsized as this expectation may sound, I actually don’t think it’s wrong. It just took me the better part of a decade to realize that it was misplaced. Appropriating a well-known quote from C.S. Lewis, “If we find ourselves with a desire that no being in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another being.” And that being is the one who made us: God.

Through the overwhelming pain and triumphant victories I’ve experienced in life, I’ve learned that God is my best friend, my confidant, and my lover. Someone did choose me alone forever for a loving relationship. Ephesians 1:4 says, “Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes.” And my relationship with Him has given me belonging, identity, and continuity. For 1 John 3:1 says, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” God is my transcendence and my mystery all in one!

Conclusion

My relationship with God has not weakened my desire to find my soulmate. Rather, it has provided a safe harbor to continue looking from. Until I find her, I know I stand high above the lovelorn seas. I rest in the arms of my heavenly Father until He sweeps me up in the triune bliss of romantic love.  

“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

(Jeremiah 31:3)