Petty Problems

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I was supposed to fly home next weekend for my little brother’s thirteenth birthday party. This celebration would have been my first chance in over a month to escape my empty apartment and party with people I love, but COVID-19 canceled that. I found myself blinking back tears because a canceled flight isn’t something to cry about. We live in a world groaning under the weight of unemployment, sickness, and death. What is one canceled flight compared to all that?

Problem Definition

A petty problem is a problem that is relatively insignificant in comparison to others, like a child dropping their ice cream cone or missing the game of the century on live TV. It’s a problem that appears very small to others but looms large in one’s own mind.

I grew up in a loving, middle-class family, excelled academically from the cradle to college, and have never even broken a bone in my body. These facts echo in the back of my mind as I struggle to explain why I suffer such sorrow and anguish of heart. I often wonder if my problems even matter.

Problem Relativity

The issue with considering certain problems petty and others important is that there is no absolute standard for what an important problem is. The weight of a problem varies depending on a variety of factors including stage in life, personality, and circumstances.

A Biblical proverb says, “The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy” (Proverbs 14:10 ESV).  The burden of one’s problem is truly a heart matter. What can be devastating for one person—being defeated in a competition, getting fired from one’s job, or recovering from a physical ailment—can be easily managed by another and vice-versa.

A Listening Ear

However, we live in a saturated world. Tragedy is paraded through our news feeds every morning, and unique economic and social pressures threaten to kill the kindness in even the most tender of hearts. It might be a bit difficult to find someone to listen to your sob story about your beloved barbershop being closed down.

But God loves us so much He has counted every hair on our heads (Matthew 10:30).  If God pays attention to issues too petty for most of us to even care about ourselves, it follows that He considers any that have the power to weigh our hearts down.

Conclusion

The book of Psalms says, “the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18 ESV). He is here to listen if we need to cry over the loss of a loved one or the canceling of a Netflix subscription. For our big God, no problem is too small.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.”

(1 Peter 5:7 NLT)

Loneliness

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I had envisioned graduate school would be a much needed fresh start after my exhausting senior year of undergrad. I’d take informative classes, conduct exciting research, and form lasting friendships. But the reality was far less glamorous than I had imagined.

I found myself slaving away at a project that was six months behind schedule. I also formed connections a lot slower than I thought I would. During my first year of graduate school, I felt crushingly alone.

The Source of Loneliness

 I think that all loneliness stems from a sense of distance. The distance can be physical, such as geographical separation or different waking hours, or it can be emotional. A season when you feel harried and harassed while everyone else seems carefree and relaxed, for instance, can be a source of loneliness.

The opposite of loneliness is togetherness, a feeling of “affectionate closeness” [thesaurus.com]. Initiating connection, checking up on an old friend or grabbing lunch with an acquaintance, cultivates togetherness, but this principle might ring a bit hollow during the middle of a pandemic. Are we doomed to suffer alone because our government mandates we stay apart?

The Solution to Loneliness

From the beginning of the New Testament, the author of the book of Matthew speaks of Jesus as “Emmanuel”, meaning “God with us” (Matthew 1:23). I envy the disciples who walked the earth with Jesus Christ. They saw, heard, and touched God in the flesh. It’s hard to imagine they doubted that God was really with them!

But right before Jesus left the earth, he spoke of sending his disciples a helper “who would be with them forever” (John 14:16 ESV). This helper is the Holy Spirit, and God gives Him to all believers (Galatians 4:6).

Alone Together

The modern church does not emphasize the Holy Spirit as it once used to, leaving the concept unfamiliar or even creepy to many people. But He is the ultimate manifestation of God with us today. God was not satisfied with looking down on us from above or even walking beside us here on earth. He decided that His chief residence after the resurrection would be within each of us. This means that no matter what we’re going through or where we are, He is still with us.

The one thing that kept me going through my lonely first year of graduate school was the closeness of God. As I spent days turning wrenches and nights crying out to my heavenly Father, I experienced the tangible presence of the Holy Spirit within me. He was an ever-present friend in the absence of community, and during this pandemic, as I find myself alone once more, He is still with me.

Conclusion

If you are struggling with loneliness during this season, know that the Holy Spirit “can be the friend that sticks closer to you than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24 ESV). Maybe social distancing was just the space God needed to draw near to you.

“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

 Romans 5:5 ESV

Home

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I consider myself a bit of an American nomad. Before I turned eighteen, I had already lived in four different states and half a dozen different cities. Every move brought something fresh and exciting: Frigid winters in Michigan, sweltering heat in Florida, luscious vistas in California, and wilting shrubs in Texas. New friends and adventures awaited me every year of my childhood, yet I still feel like there was something missing from it.

The most troubling small talk question anyone can ask me is: “Where are you from?” I will immediately begin to hem and haw, trying to decide how much detail to go into when describing my backstory. In many ways I don’t feel like I’m “from” anywhere. Once I give that sputtering nonanswer, many people rephrase the question as: “Where is home for you?” This question is not hard to answer for many people. They may consider their home their hometown or their homeland or wherever their family lives at the moment, but I want to understand what “home” truly is.

What is Home?

I think a definition that might begin to capture some of the essence of homeness is that home is a “welcome familiarity”. Familiarity is the key aspect of this definition that most people will recognize. What makes a people “homey”, for instance, is that they speak your language or bear your skin color or share your interests. However, familiarity alone is not enough. Martin Luther King Jr. lived in the United States his whole life, but he never felt at home here. He fought to change the status quo of racism, the familiar, because it was utterly unwelcome to him. This is why I define home as both familiar and welcome. It is both what one is used to and what one longs for.

The Way Home

Everyone desires a home. This desire is the reason why two-thirds of college students experience homesickness [CIRP: https://www.heri.ucla.edu/infographics/2012-YFCY-Infographic.pdf], even though teenagers will be the first to tell you they want to get away from home as soon as possible. Home provides a sense of constancy in the face of a fluidly changing world. With a fluctuating stock market, a volatile job market, and frustratingly empty supermarkets, a home provides a safe space you can return to and know what to expect.

If you are like me, you may be currently “homeless”. You may have left any sense of home you’ve had behind and be wondering if you’ll ever find it again. According to the Bible, we’re not the only ones who’ve wrestled with homelessness.

The author of the book of Hebrews, speaking of the heroes of the Christian faith, said they “acknowledged that they were foreigners and strangers on the earth” (Hebrews 11:13b, NIV). If home can only be found here on earth, then these brave women and men are worthy of our pity (1 Corinthians 15:19). But the author goes on to speak of a “better country”, a heavenly homeland for all who put their faith in Jesus Christ. This heavenly homeland is familiar—like a family reunion (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18); it is welcome—like a rollicking party (Luke 15:23-25); and it is permanent (Daniel 7:18).

Conclusion

If you find a home here on earth, lay hold of it. Cherish it. Share it with others. But if you don’t, take comfort in the fact that one day you will finally, eternally be home.

“There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.”

John 14:2-3 (NLT)