Category: Life & Lessons

Life is Too Short to Live Too Fast

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Life in any big city, from Los Angeles to New York City, will tend to be fast paced. There is so much to do and too much to be done. But the push to live faster will manifest in a distinct way for each of us.

The Hustle Mentality

The first manifestation is the hustle mentality: “I live to work.” I struggle with this mindset the most. And seeing the dozens of phone lines that exist for Workaholics Anonymous, I know I’m not alone.

I hustle because time always feels like it’s of the essence. Lazy Saturdays are wasted Saturdays. What am I doing with my life if I’m not striving toward my God-given dreams? If I’m not working on them, who is?

The Hustle Cure

When God places a vision on your heart, He is the one who is ultimately responsible for them, not you. And accepting this reality is the first step toward healing from the hustle mentality.

However, this is an especially bitter pill for me to swallow. As a child of immigrants, I was taught that hard work was the solution to every problem. Your grades are low? Work harder. Your quarterly performance reviews are bad? Work harder. You’re 30 and you’re not married yet? Work harder.

But God Himself sternly rebukes this mindset. “‘If you repented and patiently waited for Me, you would be delivered; if you calmly trusted in Me you would find strength, but you are unwilling’” (Isaiah 30:16). Waiting on God and resting in His promises are key to overcoming the need to hustle.

The Hangover Mentality

At the other extreme is the hangover mentality: “I live to party.” At business school, you might imagine how common this mindset is. Party, crash, repeat, and the cycle continues until the funds run dry or the consequences come calling.

At the heart of this mindset lies a fear of the future. With greater responsibility and less freedom lying ahead, when else will we get a chance to kickback like we’re doing now?

The Hangover Cure

Ironically, the cure to this problem is actually the same as the cure to the hustle mindset: waiting on God and resting in His promises. Overindulgence arises from a scarcity mindset. “If I don’t indulge now, I may never again have the chance to.” And there is some truth in that. There are very few forty-years-old I know who spend their Saturday nights at epic ragers. And even fewer geriatrics who can bust a move at the club. But there is life after youth. Older age brings joys that younger years cannot: legacy, perspective, and family. If we pace ourselves now and plan our futures well, we can make the most of our current enjoyment and still be around to reminisce about it later.

Conclusion

In the book of Ecclesiastes, the wise King Solomon says, “It is good to grasp the one and not let the other slip from your hand. For he who fears God will avoid all extremes” (Ecclesiastes 7:18). As human beings, we tend to the extreme. Our compass will direct us to work too hard or play too hard because we’re trying to live life too fast. But we need to know when to slow down, so that we can make the most of our short lives here on earth.

“‘Stop striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted on the earth.'”

(Psalm 46:10)

Learning the Art of Rejectomancy

By Ife J. Ibitayo

A leadership development program rejected me last week. I was doubly surprised, first at my pride for assuming I’d be accepted in the first place and second that I took it so hard. I’ve been rejected by hundreds of magazine editors, dozens of schools, and plenty of women. I’d assumed that by now I’ve become an expert at “rejectomancy.” Yet every fresh refusal still doubles me over like Mike Tyson’s body blow.

Am I Worthy?

The first thing rejection challenges is our worthiness: “Am I deserving of your time, attention, and interest?” When a person, friend group, or company rejects us, we can be tempted to doubt our self-worth. We can struggle to distance our resume from the person God made. And we can struggle to imagine a future apart from the opportunity that just slammed in our faces.

But God says, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). This verse doesn’t mean that “when one door closes another opens.” There are worthwhile opportunities that for whatever reason we end up missing out on in this life. However, it does mean that there is “an expected end” that God has qualified us for regardless of the opportunities we miss.

Am I Special?

The second thing rejection touches on is specialness: “Am I beyond the ordinary?” From the day I was born, I reveled in my unique qualities. I was happy being the only black boy among a see of Mexican faces in the Rio Grande Valley. I always identified in contrast to the crowd rather than with it. But rejections fly in the face of that illusion. For example, “We received so many strong applicants this year…” but apparently, I wasn’t one of them.  

Every striver on the face of this planet will encounter this situation at least once in their lives. They were once a big fish in a small pond, then they’re plopped into the ocean filled with sharks and humpback whales. We stumble across giants, and we can’t help but compare ourselves to them.

This truth is why Ephesians 2:10 resonates so deeply within me, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” We may not be the best public speaker in our family, but there’s someone who needs our encouragement today. We may not be the world’s most talented businessperson, but there is work God has uniquely fashioned for us to champion. Our specialness is derived from the special plan God has in store for us, not the other way around.

Conclusion

According to writer Aeryn Rudel–who popularized the term “rejectomancy,” “Rejectomancy is the skill writers must master in order to weather the slings and arrows that come from putting their work out for public consumption. It’s the skill of accepting rejection letters, bad reviews, negative comments—all with grace and dignity—and still having the gumption to carry on writing.”

We all must learn how to apply a bit of rejectomancy to our lives as creators, entrepreneurs, and regular human beings. Rejection will come. But having the grace and dignity to accept it and keep on pursuing our passions, is a decision each of us must make.

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.”

(Hebrews 10:35-36)

The Pressure

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Less than three months have passed since I moved to Los Angeles. But I’m already feeling the pressure creep onto my shoulder like the long, blackened fingernails from the worst horror movie you’ve ever seen. “You should lead this.” “You must join that.” “Everyone else is doing it.” Every “yes” I utter fills my future with obligations I never wanted to commit to. And every “no” engulfs me in the all too familiar fear of missing out. Is being damned if you do and damned if you don’t the only two options for the fledgling college student? Is there any way to overcome the pressure?

The Conflict

Firstly, societal pressure arises from the conflict between our own desires and those of others for us. To face this pressure head on, we must determine where the conflict is coming from: comfort vs. discomfort, fear vs. faith, or good vs. evil.

A lot of pressure comes simply from being pushed outside of our comfort zone. Joining a new club or flying to a new country are not inherently evil. But they may require us to stretch ourselves. We have to trust others’ words rather than our gut sense that pickleball or a pickle sandwich are really bad ideas.

Or our fear may arise from deep-seated wisdom within us. For instance, if we don’t want to go to a club where we may run into our ex, we may not be “overthinking it.” And wanting to leave early before we drink too much may be the best decision we can make. Knowing why we feel so conflicted is critical for us to decide whether to give in to the pressure or resist it with all our might.

The Advisers

Secondly, we have to choose not only what we’re pressured into doing but who we let pressure us in the first place. Truly no man is an island, and we are often our own worst advisers. The book of Proverbs is filled with advice about seeking advice (Proverbs 11:14, Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 15:22, etc.) because we need other people’s inputs in our lives. But we must know our advisers have our best interests at heart before we allow them to influence our choices.

The Foundation

Lastly, we must have a solid foundation if we want to effectively resist societal pressure. Jesus said, “Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock” (Matthew 27:24-25).

Everyone will face pressure in this life. But if we don’t have our own sense of identity and purpose, we’re bound to be carried along by the whims of others. We must have a north star, a focal point we orient our lives around, if we don’t want to be swept away by the current of this fast-moving world.

“Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the LORD means safety.”

(Proverbs 29:25)

Abide in Me

By Ife J. Ibitayo

A couple weeks ago, I heard a powerful message about “Abiding in the Presence” of God. Before His death on the cross, Jesus commanded His disciples, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me” (John 15:4). In essence, Jesus said there is one thing you must do in order to live a fruitful life: Abide in Him. Hearing that simple charge, I was pumped. If I can check off the “Abide in Jesus” box each day, I’ll be good to go. But then I realized, I have no idea what “abiding in Christ” really means.

So resorting to the same measures as any other proselyte, I dug into Thayer’s Greek Lexicon. And I discovered the manifold richness captured in this puzzling world.

Abiding is Lodging

First, to abide means “to lodge somewhere, to tarry as a guest.” I.e. abiding means to make a place home. As a child that moved as often as an All American military brat, I struggled to call any place home. My home was never a particular house or neighborhood. Rather, it was the faith I carried with me and used to orient myself wherever I lived. So my first order of business every time I move is to find a church to get plugged into. It provides an old sense of familiarity in a bewildering new environment.

Abiding is Remaining

Secondly, to abide means “to remain as one thing and not become something different.” Coming to LA, there are so many things I want to do and so many me’s I want to be. I’m a student, an author, an entrepreneur, a wannabe socialite and many other labels that I’m trying on for size like fall sweaters. And I often find myself frustrated as I attempt to disentangle my overscheduled, conflict-ridden calendar. But God says, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let Me transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know My will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” (Romans 12:2). Just because I’m in Rome doesn’t mean I have to do as the Romans do. My residency is still in Christ no matter what city I move to.

Abiding is Enduring

Lastly, to abide means “to endure through time.” I’ve only been in this new city a couple months, yet I’ve already found myself wondering if I should throw in the towel. I already have so much to do and so little energy left to finish it all. But that is why Jesus went on to say, “Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:6).

Just as my Apple Watch is useless unless it retains its Bluetooth connection with my iPhone, I am useless unless I retain my spiritual connection with Jesus. We have little capacity because we were never meant to be reservoirs. God is the source. Rather, we’re meant to be conduits, and a conduit can only remain useful if it stays connected to its source.

Abiding is Obeying

Jesus said, “Abide in my love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love” (John 15:9-10). The outworking of the super spiritual word “abide” is culminated in the very practical word “obey.” When we love God and love others, we walk in closest communion with Him. And from those seeds of obedience will surely grow the fruit of faithfulness.

The Jesus I Thought I Knew (Father Complex Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I’m your quintessential African American. I was born with a bottle in one hand and a Bible in the other. Church was my home base, the star my weekly schedule orbited around. Sunday was church day. Wednesday was church night. And I think there were some other, less important days in between.

I mastered the gamut of Sunday school stories about Abraham, Moses, David, and Jesus. I finished reading the Bible through by middle school, and I’ve studied, highlighted, and annotated it from cover to cover several times since. I’ve sometimes found myself wondering, “Is there a Bible Pt. 2? If B.I.B.L.E. stands for ‘Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth’, are there advanced instructions?”

The Nazarenes Who “Knew” Jesus

I recently reread Jesus’ homecoming story:

“Jesus left that part of the country and returned with His disciples to Nazareth, His hometown. The next Sabbath He began teaching in the synagogue, and many who heard Him were amazed. They asked, ‘Where did He get all this wisdom and the power to perform such miracles?’ Then they scoffed, ‘He’s just a carpenter, the son of Mary and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas, and Simon. And His sisters live right here among us.’ They were deeply offended and refused to believe in Him.

“Then Jesus told them, ‘A prophet is honored everywhere except in His own hometown and among His relatives and His own family.’ And because of their unbelief, He couldn’t do any miracles among them except to place His hands on a few sick people and heal them. And He was amazed at their unbelief” (Mark 6:1-6).

Of all the people to reject Jesus, the Nazarenes knew Him the longest. They’d spent three decades in His presence, watching His deeds and hearing His words. Yet they dismissed Him because they thought they already knew Him.

The Unbelief of “Knowing” Jesus

I find this same pattern playing out in my life. My eyes glaze over when I read John 3:16. Many mornings I let God’s living word slip past me like a shower rather than sink in like a bath. To misquote old man Solomon: “There’s nothing new under the Son” (Ecclesiastes 1:3).

But why does this matter? What are the consequences of knowing the stories but missing their Author? You’ll miss the miracles as well.

I’ve grow numb to the power of the simple gospel. I’ve heard that “faith can move mountains” (Mark 11:23). Yet I’ve seen the tension between faith and endurance, abundance and suffering, joy and sorrow. And I forget that even though “Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8), life is not. And Jesus’ response to my situation yesterday may not—often, will not—be the same as His response today.

Conclusion

I think these truths are why Jesus said, “You must turn and become like children” (Matthew 18:3). Children know they haven’t gotten it all figured out. They readily accept the unexpected. They’re still open to having their minds blown!

I want to see healing, restoration, and resurrection. I want to accept that the patterns and rhythms I expect from God may change in an instant. I thought I knew Jesus, but I’ve only dipped my toes into the surf of His boundless oceans. I want to cast off my water wings of preconceived notions. Only then, will Jesus guide me into the deep end where feet fail and faith floats.

“To all perfection I see a limit, but your commands are boundless.”
(Psalm 119:96)

Is Sharing Caring?

By Ife J. Ibitayo

After years of awkward conversations surrounding the question, “What’s your Instagram handle?” I finally setup my own account: @ifethestoryteller. I consider myself an old soul in the worst of senses. I’ve cracked Dad jokes since I was a teenager. My father is the one who’s always pushed me to adopt new technology (Apple should start paying him a commission). And I don’t understand social media. When I asked my friends, “How do you Instagram?” they struggled to reply. It was like asking them how to ride a bike or when an old man at Chick-fil-A asked me how text messages work. Apparently, millennials hold this truth to be self-evident: “All men are created equal and are endowed with the unalienable right to share every detail of their lives with the world.”

To Share or Not To Share

This past weekend, I finally finished putting together my apartment. I hung my last painting and unpacked my last box. And I strongly considered posting some pictures of my place on my Instagram account. But I hesitated. With just a few seconds of consideration, I realized how much others could learn about me from those couple pictures. From the quality of his furniture to the painting he hangs above his mantle, you can learn a lot about a man from his living room. And I wasn’t quite ready to share that with anyone who stumbled on my Instagram account. This raised a couple important questions for me, “Why do we share?” and “who should we share with?”

The Benefits of Sharing on Social Media

To share is human. The primary reason God transformed man into mankind is because “it’s not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). We need others to relate with, engage with, and do life with. Even the staunchest introvert in the world needs friendship. So steps in social media.

Facebook’s mission statement is “to give people the power to share and make the world more open and connected.” And in many ways, it’s achieved its mission. I have cousins I haven’t seen in person in years, but I know about their marriages, new jobs, and firstborn children. Social media has provided countless touchstones for me to keep up with the going-ons of people I care about (and others I frankly don’t)!

The Limitations of Sharing on Social Media

But at the same time, I’ve found social media to be like a mirage. It gives the impression of knowing others and the facsimile of being known, but only on the terms others dictate and only through the filter I apply.  

If my mother only knows as much about me as JonDoe3 who follows me on Instagram, we have a problem. There is so much I don’t share online. In me “there are multitudes”, warring contradictions I siphon out of my neatly labeled posts and reels.

There are certain feelings that can only be shared in person and only with a select few people. All too often, that group can shrink to none. Trust takes time to build. It also takes proximity. There is healing that comments and likes can never give me. That is why I can only be so committed to my Instagram feed. For me to know others and truly be known by them requires coffee breaks, dinners, and weekend getaways. It requires a level of commitment that social media will never demand yet offers a level of reward that social media can’t provide.

Conclusion

So every time I post, I have to ask myself, “Is sharing caring?” If the world doesn’t care about my latest failure, do I have friends that do? And is Instagram the best way to let them know? As I finish this post, I think it’s time for me to shut down my laptop and pick up my cellphone.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

(Hebrews 10:24-25)

Kindly Uncle or Loving Father (Father Complex Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

“I like Jesus, but I don’t like the God of the Old Testament. He’s too angry.” I’ve had this conversation with many of my non-Christian friends. They gravitate toward the humility and gentleness of the Christ. But they shy away from the wrath and fury of the Father. But I believe these are twin facets of the same coin engraved in love.

One of the most memorable moments of my childhood was when my little brother slapped my mom. My father was standing right next to her. And I still remember the terror in my little brother’s eyes as he dashed into our game room and slammed the door. My father stomped after him. And my older brother and I weren’t sure if he was going to survive the night! Of course, the youngster survived to rebel another day. But because of that discipline he never laid a hand on our mother again. Now my father’s righteous anger demonstrated two things: first, his care for his wife; second, his care for his son.

The Justice of Love

My father loves my mom as he loves himself (Ephesians 5:28), so love compelled him to defend his wife when she was so viscerally disrespected. In like manner, God loves us all as His children, and He hates to see us mistreated. In the book of Isaiah, God says, “Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of My people, making widows their prey and robbing the fatherless. What will you do on the day of reckoning, when disaster comes from afar” (Isaiah 10:1-3)? When God witnesses injustice, He responds with righteous indignation, just as we should.

When I saw a police officer kneeling on George Floyd’s neck, I was furious, and I yearned for the justice that my hands were incapable of delivering. But because God is all-powerful and all-loving, that same anger pushes Him to bow down the heavens and act on behalf of those who’ve been wronged (Psalm 18:6-9).

The Discipline of Love

Secondly, my father loved my little brother too much to allow him to continue down the rebellious path he’d taken. Even Dr. Benjamin Spock, one of the most influential 20th century voices against corporal punishment, still knew that discipline was necessary. Whether through words or deeds, a loving parent must communicate their love by disciplining their children, so how much more our heavenly Father?

The author of the book of Hebrews said, “For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way (Hebrews 12:10-11).”

Therefore, when we as individuals, churches, or nations suffers the consequences of our wicked actions, this is not a sign that God doesn’t care for us any longer. Rather, it shows that He cares too much to allow us to keep going astray. As famous writer C.S. Lewis once said, “God shouts through our pain.” And sometimes that pain is the only restraint between us and death.

Conclusion

God so loved the world that He gave His only Son to us (John 3:16). But He also loves us so much that He doesn’t leave us to our own devices. He defends the needy, He disciplines the wayward, and He destroys the wicked. Without this aspect of God’s character, He’ll only be our kindly but distant Uncle rather than our present and loving Father.

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke because the Lord disciplines those he loves as a father the son he delights in.”

(Proverbs 3:11-12)

https://open.spotify.com/track/1GroB3cEZTvfhKQ7PebPas?si=af7457e9ba924d71

Double Standard (How Christians Kill Christianity Pt. 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Last week, the Lighten Group announced that they are shutting down. What is the Lighten Group? It is the ministry of Ravi Zacharias’ daughter.

Ravi Zacharias was one of the most well-known Christian apologists of the 21st century. He passed away two years ago, but the fallout from his sexual misconduct continues to cast a long shadow over his entire ministry. Recent investigations have also revealed a startling history of libidinous behavior and inexcusable coverup throughout the Southern Baptist Convention, America’s largest Protestant denomination.

The Standard for Others

Why is it so damaging when priests and pastors commit sexual scandal? If a famous actor and a famous pastor both sleep around, both will be condemned for their actions. But the blowback for the pastor will surely be greater. Why? Because the standard of right living that the pastor puts forth will (likely) be far higher.

From the Ten Commandments (“Thou shalt not commit adultery”) to the Sermon on the Mount (“I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”), the Bible is filled with appeals to purity. Visit church once and you’ll be lucky not to hear a message against fornication and pornography.

So when a famous apologist writes, “sexuality is sacred, and using it for amusement brings diminishing returns“, but he secretly stores hundreds of sexual pictures on his cellphone for his own pleasure and amusement, the fallout will rightly be tremendous.

The Standard for Ourselves

The apostle Paul said, “We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Therefore, we are called to live up to a standard that none of us can attain. The Bible’s answer to this is grace, but many of us Christians respond with self-righteousness instead. Speaking about His chosen people in the Old Testament, God said, “All day long they insult me to my face by worshiping idols in their sacred gardens…Yet they say to each other, ‘Don’t come too close or you will defile me! I am holier than you!’ These people are a stench in My nostrils, an acrid smell that never goes away’” (Isaiah 65:3, 5).

When we uphold “purity culture” where young women are condemned for exposing their thighs but male pastors are protected when they expose themselves, we surely become an acrid stench in the nose of the world too. As Jesus Himself said, “We’re straining out a gnat while swallowing a camel” (Matthew 23:24).

Conclusion

So what’s the answer then? Should we throw out the Bible with the bathwater of hypocrisy? Or Should we accept the fallibility that lies within all of us and stop calling people up and calling people out?

We can’t, otherwise we will cease being the salt of the earth and the light of the world (Matthew 5:13-16). Rather, we must be willing to call ourselves up and call ourselves out. We must look on others with eyes of grace and ourselves with eyes of justice, and only then will our two standards become one.

“‘Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?'”

(Matthew 7:3)

The Hospital for Punk Rockers (How Christians Kill Christianity Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Punk rock was my childhood. I was deeply familiar with the greats in that space: Fall Out Boy, All Time Low, Mayday Parade and every other headache-inducing rockstar you could name. I also loved the lesser known Christian artists like Emery, Anberlin, and Hawk Nelson. But as the gnarly riffs of the early 2000s gave way to the pop electronic sounds of the 2010s, the faith of many of these Christian rockers gave way as well. I first noticed this trend with Underoath—arguably the most famous Christian screamo band of all time. In 2018, they released a brand new album called Erase Me with a different sound and a different spirit. So I unearthed an interview from their frontman Spencer Chamberlain:

“The Christian community is what ruins Christianity for me…They were putting out magazines about me being a drug addict and stuff. The whole Christian world was like ‘that’s the reason that Underoath is breaking up’…The places I was most accepted and where people would listen to me and talk to me and share stories about how they’re f—d up were the people who weren’t Christians…And they were like ‘let’s talk about it’, but in Christian bands they were like ‘let’s not’- and doesn’t that seem opposite? Doesn’t that seem very unloving and very unaccepting?”

The Museum or the Hospital

There’s good reason many who are suffering avoid the church at all costs. Sometimes we focus a little too much on the high bar of holiness without acknowledging how far we all have fallen from it (Romans 3:23). Even worse, we expect “sinners” to fix themselves before we welcome then into our congregations and homes.

Noticing this problem even in the formative years of the western church, St. Augustine argued, “The church is not a museum for saints but a hospital for sinners.” We can mistakenly believe that what others need is to “get to church” or to “read their Bible.” Now these things are good and essential components of healing, but if Jesus Christ is the Great Physician (Matthew 9:12) and we are His body (1 Corinthians 12:27), doesn’t that mean we are supposed to be little physicians too?

Galatians 6:1-2 says, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” The law of Christ doesn’t just apply when others are at their best but all the more when they’re at their worst.

Conclusion

Some of my lowest moments have been pushed even lower by misguided Christians seeking to squeeze righteousness out of my crushed vessel. But I’ve also overcome many great sins in my life because of the love and longsuffering of my spiritual family. The tempted, the addicted, the stumbling, and the fallen need us to stumble alongside them. If even we refuse to carry their burdens, who else will?

“Jesus answered them, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.'”

(Luke 5:31)

In Pursuit of Decency

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Last week, I played my first pickup game of five-on-five basketball in three years! I made a third of our team’s points on roughly 50% field goal percentage with a handful of assists to boot. But I was also a defensive sieve and poor rebounder. So overall my performance was decent. But my path to decency was a long one.

Back in high school, I remember one day when I was shooting free throws through everything except the hoop. The assistant head coach walked up to me and said, “You can quit right now and come back for track season.” But I didn’t quit that day; I kept on clanking.

Now the value of practice doesn’t just apply to hobbies like basketball; it applies to everything in life. 1 Timothy 4:11 says, “Physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” So, if there is anything that we should want to train in, it should be loving God and loving others better. We all recognize this truth deep inside our bones. We want to be a more thoughtful friend or a more sympathetic spouse, but we don’t know where to start.

Start Small

But starting itself is often the most important task to reaching our destination. The Chinese Proverb “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” isn’t just a pithy statement, it is an undeniable fact. A fraying marriage won’t be mended over night. But one of the first patches can be saying “I love you” before you go to bed each evening. Your teenager won’t magically open up to you if you take five extra minutes to listen to them when you pick them up from school. But you’ll be astounded at what amazing bounds can arise from such seemingly small baby steps.

Don’t Give Up

But in a similar vein, if you don’t see the progress you’re hoping for yet, don’t give up. Because we live in an instant culture, we often want instant results. But one day (or even a month) of good practice often won’t be enough to reverse the course of years of bad habits That is why the apostle James mentioned how the farmer has to wait for both the autumn and the spring rain before the land yields its harvest (James 5:7). Similarly, we have to wait for God to water the seed we’ve planted and give it time to germinate before we receive the harvest we’re hoping for in our lives.

Conclusion

Lastly, forgive yourself when you misstep. We all know the saying, “No one’s perfect.” Yet sometimes we live as if we expect ourselves to be! If you continue to step forward, week by week, month by month, year by year, I’m positive that you too will achieve decency in the areas of life you’re pursuing. And with the help of God, you might just reach excellence.

“All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.”

(1 Corinthians 9:25)