Category: Life & Lessons

Stilling the Tsunami of Anxiety

By Ife J. Ibitayo

To see the original post on beamanjourney.com, click here.

It begins with the thoughts. What if they don’t like me? What if I’m not good enough? What if it’s cancer? And pretty soon I find myself flailing in a tsunami of doubt. When I was asked by my friend Pastor Stephen Law to write an article about overcoming anxiety, I laughed. It was like asking someone who’s barely learned how to tread water to teach others how to swim. But God is gracious, and He has taught me a few things about stilling this raging storm.

The Life Preserver of Prayer

Philippians 4:6 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.” Most worriers worry passively. It’s so natural that it’s like breathing and blinking to them. That is why God asks us to actively give our worries to Him through prayer.

I hated my tendency to see the thousand ways every situation could go wrong until I read a book called Draw the Circle by Mark Batterson. He wrote, “If you worry about everything, you’ll have a much higher likelihood of praying without ceasing if you simply learn to turn your worries into prayers. The Holy Spirit can redeem your anxious thoughts by using them as prayer triggers. Think of worry as a prayer alarm. Every time it goes off, you put it to prayer.” Once I discovered this gift, I realized that anxious worriers make some of the best prayer warriors. Through prayer God allows us to transform our mental suffering into spiritual blessing!

The Water Wings of the Word

Secondly, I learned that knowledge of the word of God is the best weapon to fend off the flaming darts of doubt. The Bible is more effective than more facts and data because anxiety often doesn’t stem from lack of information. I know that less than 1% of Americans suffer from glaucoma, yet I feared I might be going blind.  When layoffs swept through my company, I feared I might be let go even though they were still actively hiring in my group division. My problem was not with my head but with my heart.

When my head said I might lose my job, my heart should have said, “Look at the birds in the sky: They do not sow, or reap, or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds then. Aren’t you more valuable than they are?” (Matthew 6:26). When the threat of sickness pounded at my door, from glaucoma to an irregular heartbeat to high blood pressure—all of which I visited doctors about in the past year—I should have told myself, “By His wounds I am healed” (Isaiah 53:5). For every fearful question, God has a hopeful answer if we internalize His Word.

The Support of Other Swimmers

Lastly, anxiety thrives in a vacuum. When we speak fearful things to ourselves and answer them by ourselves, our worries will grow with time. We must expose our fears to others if we want to experience healing.

Galatians 6:2 says, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” This is not just a command to help other people carry their loads but also to allow others to shoulder ours. The level of need differs for all of us. We may need the listening ear of a trusted friend on occasion, or we may need regular, professional help depending on the severity of our anxiety. We may also slide along this spectrum depending on the season we’re going through. The key is recognizing this need and humbly admitting to someone else that we’re not alright.

Conclusion

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “We have nothing to fear except fear itself.” I used to roll my eyes at this worn-out phrase, but FDR makes a good point. He went on to define fear as “nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

Fear really is the great enemy. It stole my joy for years and crippled my decision making. Anxiety kept me from the abundant life that God had for me, and it could be doing the same to you. Don’t let anxiety steal another minute of your happiness. Turn to God, speak to others, and start swimming down the stream of healing.

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matthew 6:31-33).

Swimming Tips

  1. Start your day with a worry list. Write your worries on a sheet of paper, then title the list “God help me with…” and pray about them.
  2. Find a new verse each month that speaks to your specific anxieties and memorize it. Deuteronomy 31:6, 1 Peter 5:7, and Psalm 56:11 are all great verses to start with.
  3. Agree with someone you trust to talk regularly (daily, weekly, or monthly) about your fears and worries.

Remembered Sin or Resurrected Faith (Life After Death Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Death is the last villain–the final boss–in the story of our lives. Death is guaranteed for all of us, but second life is not. Resurrection is as rare as unicorns, so whenever God rescues someone from the dead, He is clearly trying to send us a message.

Remembered Sin

During the middle of a famine, Elijah—the greatest prophet of the Old Testament—was sent to live with a widow. Her son died soon after he arrived. She railed against Elijah, “‘O man of God, what have you done to me? Have you come here to point out my sins and kill my son’” (1 Kings 17:18 NLT)?

God has baked into our bones the knowledge of our own sinfulness. And when tragedy strikes, we often believe that we’re receiving our just deserts. Maybe your parents divorced and you think that if you had only been a better daughter, they might have stayed together. Maybe you have a friend who committed suicide and you wonder if you would have been able to save them if only you had cared enough to call. Maybe you’re sifting through the ruins of your own troubled life and you can’t stop seeing all the little bombs you set—the TNT of immaturity and the C-4 of pride.

This widow knew the darkness of her own heart and believed her day of reckoning had come.

Resurrected Faith

But God had a better word for her. Elijah whisked off the corpse and cried out to the LORD. The prayer of God’s righteous saints has great power while its working (James 5:16): to heal, to restore, and yes, even to raise the dead. Elijah cried out to God, and God reached down to him and restored the life of the boy he was praying over (1 Kings 17:19-22).

When Elijah returned the revived son to his mother, he said, ‘Look, your son is alive!’ Then the woman said to Elijah, ‘Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord from your mouth is the truth’” (1 Kings 17:24). The point of the death of the widow’s son was not to emphasize her sinfulness but to strengthen her faith.

Forgotten Miracle

Yet the widow’s son had been on the verge of death once before. A few Bible verses earlier, this same widow had been preparing the last supper for her family. Using the last of the flour in her house, they were going to eat and die (1 Kings 17:12).
But then Elijah showed up on her doorstep and gave her a word from God: “‘“There will always be flour and olive oil left in your containers until the time when the Lord sends rain and the crows grow again”’” (1 Kings 17:14 NLT)!

They were living off this very miracle when the widow’s son fell ill. God’s word had already proven true while the widow’s son was still alive, yet it took his death for her to be fully convinced.

Conclusion

We will be tempted to forget God’s faithfulness from yesterday if tragedy strikes close to home tomorrow. But don’t let the miraculous grow mundane in your life. Don’t let fear override faith. Remember that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8), and every word He speaks is true.

“Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise His holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!”

(Psalm 103:1-5 NLT)

The Humility, Humiliation, and Honor of Christ

By Ife J. Ibitayo

In honor of Easter, I want to consider Apostle Paul’s explanation for why Jesus came down to earth as explained in Philippians 2:6-11.

Humility

Philippians 2:6-7a says, “Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, He gave up His divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.”

Sometimes we can forget how great Jesus already was. He was the Divine, the Word of the Father. He formed all creatures, and all creatures were already subject to Him. They worshiped Him night and day in heaven, and He exalted and condemned them with a mere thought.

Yet the King above all Kings, the Lord above all Lords humbled Himself. From our point of view, this choice is utterly inexplicable. Title, power, and influence are par and parcel to worldly greatness. No earthly leader would exchange the glory of the throne for the obscurity of a manger.

But from the beginning, kingdom priorities have always been the opposite of earthly ones. In Mark 10:43-44, Jesus proclaimed that greatness was to be found through service, preeminence through submission. And He practiced what He preached. He gave up everything in order to give us everything.

Humiliation

But Jesus did not stop with humility, He stooped to humiliation. Philippians 2:7b-8 says, “When he appeared in human form, He humbled Himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” For Jesus to relinquish His divine privileges to embrace humanity is one thing, but for Him to be mislabeled as a criminal, a miscreant, the scum of society is another thing altogether.

Prophesying about Jesus, Isaiah said, “He was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5 NIV). Jesus became God’s punching bag on the cross. He endured the brutal body blows we deserved because of our sins. And the very people He suffered for thought that He–not they–was guilty (Isaiah 53:4).

Honor

Yet Jesus’ story does not end with disgrace. Philippians 2:9-11 says, “Therefore, God elevated Him to the place of highest honor and gave Him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Notice the “therefore” in this passage. God the Father did not raise His Son to glory in spite of the humility and humiliation He endured but because of them.

In the verses proceeding this amazing passage, Apostle Paul says, “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (Philippians 2:3-5 NLT).

Therefore we must remind ourselves daily that the path to Christlikeness is a path to glory, but we’ll find it through humility rather than hubris, and humiliation rather than exaltation.

Happy Easter!

“We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.”

(Hebrews 12:2 NLT)

Bad Pain, Good God, Righteous People

By Ife J. Ibitayo

“Why does a good God allow bad pain?” Christians and unbelievers alike have grappled with this tough question for generations. Our human condition makes us struggle to find purpose in pain. That is why in a parable Jesus said, “The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word” (Matthew 13:20-21 NLT). We all have a Judas within us, and this traitor reveals himself when suffering arises.

Bad Pain

Judas cuts right to the heart of one of the main reasons we suffer. We are broken people living in a broken world with broken hearts. The English poet Alexander Pope once said, “To err is human.” The only consistent thing about us is that we’ll consistently fall short of other people’s standards, our own, and—above all—God’s.

Romans 3:23 says, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” And to fall short of God’s glorious standard is to be subject to His holy wrath. As Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and were condemned to death, we all have also taken a bite, and we’re subject to a thousand little deaths each day. We chronically overeat and, and the doctor diagnoses us with diabetes. Our friend sleeps in, and we miss our final exam. A stranger is texting while they’re driving, and they swerve into our lane. We suffer bad consequences because we commit evil deeds.

Good God

Yet bad things in this life cannot nullify God’s good promises. “I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” (Jeremiah 29:11 KJV). This promise means that all suffering—caused by our sins, the sins of others, or unlucky happenstance—are part of God’s “expected end”–plan for our lives.

Romans 8:28, one of the most famous passages of scripture, reads, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Unfortunately, it is often divorced from the following verse: “For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters” (Romans 8:29 NLT).

Righteous People

The crucible of suffering, tuned to the right heat and extended for the correct duration, most quickly produces righteousness in us. Consider some of the most famous moral leaders of the past century–Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King Jr.). These leaders did not become the spiritual compasses of their respective nations in spite of the suffering they endured but because of it.

Mother Teresa ministered her whole life in some of the greatest squalor in the world. And she struggled for decades with an acute sense of abandonment by the same God she professed to serve. Martin Luther King Jr. was beaten by cops, bombed by segregationists, and terminated by a bullet to the brain.

The Son of God too was subject to a hard life. He had no place to call home (Matthew 8:20). He was rejected by his family and hometown (Mark 6:4) and persecuted by the religious leaders of His day (Matthew 12:23-24). And that’s not even mentioning the crux of Jesus’ greatest suffering here on this earth: the crucifixion.

If the Father found the crucible of suffering to be meaningful for His own perfect Son (Hebrews 5:8), how much more for His other imperfect children like us?

Conclusion

The world we live in is broken, and we are too. Bad news and bad circumstances may threaten to kill our faith. But if we can come to trust our heavenly Father “who works all things according to the counsel of His will” (Ephesians 1:11), our faith can grow along with our character.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

(James 1:2-4 NLT)

Money + Success + Wisdom = Happiness?

By Ife J. Ibitayo

If you had all the money, success, and wisdom in the world, would you be happy? This is the questions posed by the story of Solomon, the son of the giant-slaying King David.

Money

Solomon was filthy rich, and that’s an understatement. “Each year Solomon received about 25 tons of gold…All of King Solomon’s drinking cups were solid gold, as were all the utensils in the Palace of the Forest of Lebanon. They were not made of silver, for silver was considered worthless in Solomon’s day” (1 Kings 10:14,21 NLT)!

Solomon is your friend who only keeps Benjamins in his wallet. If you wanted McDonald’s, he’d ask you if you wanted the whole menu or the whole franchise! As we consider that kind of ridiculous wealth, visions of yachts, supercars, and mansions can wash over us, and we might be convinced that this kind of life must be a happy one.

But Solomon certainly didn’t think so. He said, “Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness! The more you have, the more people come to help you spend it. So what good is wealth—except perhaps to watch it slip through your fingers” (Ecclesiastes 5:10-11 NLT)! Something about wealth makes it elusive. When it comes into our lap, we’ll do everything we can to cling tight to it. Yet it’ll still find a way to slip back out of our grasp. We strive after it to our detriment, hold on to it to our hurt, and agonize over its loss. Because of these truths, riches can make happiness harder to find, not easier.

Success

Now what about success? We all have innate desire to be someone, to matter. And the fulfillment of that longing is what NBA superstars and virtuoso pianists slave night and day to lay hold of. King Solomon can certainly be considered successful. He expanded his father’s empire, finished the LORD’s temple, and achieved international recognition. “King Solomon became richer and wiser than any other king on earth. People from every nation came to consult him and to hear the wisdom God had given him” (1 Kings 10:23-24 NLT). Yet this too did not satisfy Solomon.

He said, “No one remembers the former generations, and even those yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow them” (Ecclesiastes 1:11 NIV). He realized deep down that no matter how famous anyone becomes now, they will be forgotten later. Britney Spears, Donald Trump, and Michael Jordan will all be buried by the sands of time. All success is temporary and short-lived.

Wisdom

Lastly, what about wisdom? If earthly belongings or social standing don’t satisfy, what about mental acuity? Solomon definitely had this in spades. To call him a know-it-all would be a fair description because he literally knew everything. From physical nature (1 Kings 4:33) to spiritual truth (Proverbs), King Solomon had the answer to every question.

Yet he said about wisdom “I concluded that even this endeavor is like trying to chase the wind! For with great wisdom comes great frustration; whoever increases his knowledge merely increases his heartache” (Ecclesiastes 1:17b-18 NET).

For the most knowledgeable people are those who realize how little they truly know, and they are the ones that wrestle with the irreconcilable incongruities of this world. Who’s right, Einstein or Newton? What is the solution to the mind-body problem? How do you reconcile God’s complete sovereignty with man’s free will? No wonder intelligent people are the most depressed among us. Finite minds faced with infinitely complex issues are guaranteed frustration.

Happiness?

With money, success, and wisdom, the problem is the same. We can only obtain finite amounts of them to fill an infinite void within ourselves. Only an infinite source can fill an infinite sink, and there’s only one that exists. That is why Augustine said, “Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.”

“Taste and see that the LORD is good. How happy is the person who takes refuge in him!”

(Psalm 34:8 CSB)

Hope Deferred (Time & Timing Part 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1 on “Living in the Present”, click here.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13:12a NIV). The truth of this proverb resonates deep within me. I’ve waited for sicknesses to be healed, relationships to be redeemed, and dreams to be realized. Some of these have come to pass, but all too many are still waiting in the wings. This season of waiting has given me an opportunity to reflect on the stages of waiting I’ve experienced with my writing.

Hope Deferred

I’ve written stories, poems, and essays throughout my life. I’ve always had a bit of a knack for stringing words together. But it wasn’t until I reached college that I became serious about writing. I transitioned from a person who writes “seasonally” to a consistent writer.

I still remember the thrill of sending out my first short story, “An Oculus for An Oculus”, to The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. With unbridled hope and unrealistic optimism, I mailed my piece off and excitedly looked forward to securing my first publication.

A month later, I received my first rejection. I was a bit discouraged, but I shook it off and sent out my story again, and again, and again. Soon I found I had submitted my story everywhere under the sun and then some, but I had turned up empty handed.

I convinced myself that it must have been just that story. I was a new writer after all, so I had a lot to learn. So I wrote more stories, sent them out, and received yet more rejections. No matter how hard I tried or how much I wrote, I could never break through.

Hope Fulfilled

My faith went through stages. It began with zealous prayer and great expectation. Then it transitioned into bargaining. I promised God I’d give Him the proceeds from my first publication, then the first $100 bucks I made from my writing. Then it degraded to tearful pleading as my hope sunk into the morass of disappointment.

I nearly gave up several times along the journey. Disillusionment discouraged me from wasting any more time writing. But a timely word from my parents or an encouraging personal rejection such as this one—”I see potential in your writing (which is why I pulled this one out of the slush pile to read myself instead of assigning it to an associate editor and why I provided some feedback) so please keep writing and keep submitting! I suspect you will have pro sales under your belt by the time we reopen next year.”—gave me the nudge I needed to try “just one more time.”

After seven years, over a dozen polished pieces, and hundreds of letters of rejection, I am finally published! I feel no shame saying that tears came to my eyes when I received it. Like Proverbs 13:12 goes on to say, “a dream fulfilled is a tree of life”, and this accomplishment has brought me much needed comfort and encouragement.

Conclusion

Now I’ve spent this article talking about my writing. Although it is an important passion to me, it may not be nearly as important to you as your health, finances, or your relationships. But the same principle applies.

You too probably have dreams that have been deferred far longer than you ever imagined. You might have even given up on them. But we must be careful to not interpret God’s “wait” as a “no”. If God asks us to wait on Him, to tarry long in His presence, we must not give up. God always keeps His promises. It might just take a little longer than we expected.

“‘And will not God bring about justice for His chosen ones, who cry out to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?’”

(Luke 18:7-8 NIV)

To read my first publication, “Untraditional”, click here to purchase a copy of Andromeda Spaceways Magazine Issue #81.

Living in the Present (Time & Timing Pt. 1)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

“Live in the moment” is the anti-mantra of my life. I always find myself stuck in the past or pining for the future. I had a great childhood, and I have great hope for the future (Jeremiah 29:11; 1 Corinthians 2:9). But the problem has always been the time in between.

Today, I have to wrestle with the pressures of work, the expectations of other people, and the daily grind of the mundane. March 6th isn’t my birthday. It isn’t Christmas. It is just like every other day. And the presence of COVID has only heightened the banality of my current existence. Solomon spoke well when he said, “Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content. History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new” (Ecclesiastes 1:8-9 NLT).

Why not Live In the Past?

During seasons like this, I am especially tempted to sink into the past. I want to spend my days reminiscing about the years I enjoyed hanging out with friends and family. I want to dream about game nights and weekend getaways, vacations and get togethers. The list goes on and on, and the more I think about it, the more depressed I become.

Solomon went on to say, Don’t long for ‘the good old days.’ This is not wise” (Ecclesiastes 7:10 NLT). But why? If I cannot find satisfaction in today, why not find it vicariously through yesterdays gone by? This is what Joni Eareckson Tada did when she was paralyzed from the chest down. She spent her days escaping into the past. She found solace in remembering the times when she used to swim in clear lakes and whip over the ground on horseback. But we all know that “wonderland” can never truly satisfy. Living in the past can only leave us frustrated in the present.

Why not Live in the Future?

If we can’t escape into the past, how about the future? Tomorrow, COVID will be eradicated and our lives will be restored. But the problem with tomorrow is that that day keeps on moving. Life was supposed to return to normal last spring, then last summer, then no later than winter. We were months out from the end of this global pandemic back in March of last year, and we’re still months out.

When we pin our hopes on an uncertain future, our happiness is guaranteed to be uncertain. But God commands us to “rejoice in the Lord always” (Philippians 4:4a NIV). Some people reduce this command to the salvation of Christ, saying that our unhappiness stems from focusing on temporal, physical things when our focus should be on eternal, spiritual things (Colossians 3:2).

There is some truth in this line of reasoning. But the God who created the physical world and called it good never changed His mind (Genesis 1:31). Even when times are tough, good still abounds. I found myself close to tears last week as I reflected on my close friends who have stuck with me all these years. I’ve basked in the beauty of God’s great outdoors even in the middle of winter, and I’ve relished the evenings I’ve been able to spend getting lost in a good TV show or video game.

Conclusion

The past is gone. The future is uncertain. And the present is challenging. But “God is good all the time. And all the time God is good.” Sometimes we just have to look a little harder to rediscover this truth than others.

“This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

(Psalm 118:24 ESV)

Friendship or “Friendship” (Love Is… Part 4)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, “Love Is Patient”, click here; Part 2, “Love is Kind”, click here; Part 3, “The Love of the LORD”, click here.

Love–Think of holding hands with your significant other while strolling down lamplit boulevards with a majestic symphonic backdrop. But as stirring as this image is, it’s limited. Deep love comes in a variety of packages, including that between friends. In spite of cupids lurking around every corner during this month of February, I think this is a prime opportunity to study an example of brotherly love found in the Bible.

Friendship

King David’s closest friend was the son of his sworn archenemy, King Saul. His name was Jonathan, and he was the heir apparent to his father’s throne. Yet he did everything possible to ensure his best friend would become king.

King Saul himself said about Jonathan, “‘You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established’” (1 Samuel 20:30-31 NIV).

Jonathan did not act against his own best interests because he had a death wish, nor was it because he despised his father. In fact, he was one of his father’s best warriors and died by his side (2 Samuel 1:23). He acted this way because he was a good friend. And he loved David more than he loved himself (1 Samuel 18:1).

“Friendship”

Our culture has morphed friendship to such a degree that this kind of commitment seems strange. “Friends with benefits” is a term used to describe platonic relationships with the “benefit” of sex, but that term accurately describes the kind of “friendships” that abound in society today.

A “friend” is someone who provides access to career advancement or elite cliques. A “friend” is someone who strokes your ego and makes you feel good about yourself. A “friend” is someone who enhances the pool of money, time, and energy you can draw from to accomplish your end goals. And like the dew that flees from the rising sun, their love will vanish at the first sign of heat.

The Difference

With that definition of “friendship” in mind, no wonder so many people devalue it as a stump on the road to marriage and children. But Jesus said, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13 NLT). He spoke of friendship because the deepness of that relationship should demand sacrifice, not avoid it.

Jonathan wept when he and his best friend parted ways (1 Samuel 20:41-42). He risked his life to speak much needed words of encouragement to David when he was struggling to survive (1 Samuel 23:15-17). And they made promises to each other that outlived the grave (2 Samuel 21:7).

Conclusion

True friendship is as beautiful as it is rare. Just as a miner would have a hard time believing coal is made of the same stuff as precious gemstones, so we have a diminished view of friendship because of the kind of “friends” this world so often offers us. But just like diamonds in the rough, even though friendship may be tough to find, it’s still well worth the search.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

(Proverbs 17:17 NIV)

The Love of the LORD (Love Is… Part 3)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, “Love is Patient”, click here. For Part 2, “Love is Kind”, click here.

I hate my name. Let me explain why before my mom dials me with a very angry phone call. My full name is Ifeoluwa, meaning the “Love of the LORD.” In Nigerian culture, names carry weight. They describe who you are called to be from cradle to grave. And through my few decades of living, I can already see how short I fall of my own.

Loving Through Rebuffing

December 25, 2015 was my first opportunity to play a Christmas playlist I curated for my family. At 7 AM, I began blasting the great classics like “What Christmas Means to Me” and “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.” If you don’t recognize those songs, don’t worry, neither did my family. And they gently asked me to put on some more traditional Christmas tracks.

I grated at their lack of appreciation and dragged my little brother downstairs, certain he’d value my awesome musical selections. Being slightly more interested in his Christmas presents, he didn’t, and I shoved him. I hadn’t ever laid hands on my little brother like that, and for me to attack for him something so trivial shook me.

Speaking of the Israelites as the little children in His life, God said through the prophet Hosea, “‘When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called My son. But the more they were called, the more they went away from Me. They sacrificed to the Baals, and they burned incense to images. It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them” (Hosea 11:1-13 NIV).

God’s own children abandoned Him. They turned their backs on Him and spurned His loving care. They took His blessings but rejected His instruction. Yet His faithful love for them never wavered. He healed them graciously, deferred His wrath mercifully, and disciplined them justly. He was never fickle or petty. In other words, He wasn’t like me.

Loving Through Suffering

My college experience encompassed the most trying years of my life. I spoke of the loneliness I endured during that season in a previous article. But that was only a small drop in the toxic brew that made my experience so bitter. A large source of my pain stemmed from my relationship with a professor I studied under.

My first year with him, he was distant. I could count the number of times I had a private conversation with him on one hand. The next, he was too close for comfort. He’d reach out at all manner of day and night, demanding results and pushing expectations. His moods whipped with the wind, from sunny and jovial one day to stormy and irritable the next. The pressure of his demands drove me to my very breaking point, and his hurtful words stabbed deep into my soul.

Nearing graduation, I vowed to forgive him for everything he’d done, but I always remained on edge in his presence. And after I graduated, every time I thought of him, the old pain would resurface, and I’d have to turn my thoughts to other things.

Yet Jesus begged His Father while being murdered on the cross, “‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing’” (Luke 23:24 NIV). The God of love was able to forgive those who only took from Him, while I struggled to forgive a man who contributed to where I am today.

Conclusion

I am not Ifeoluwa. I am not the “Love of the LORD.” I am not Jesus. But my saving grace is that Jesus is Jesus. He loved me even when I hated Him. He will continue to teach me how to be more like my Father because He’s made me His son. And through His work on the inside of me, I’ll bear a little more resemblance to the tremendous name I’ve been given.

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

(1 John 4:10 NIV)

Love is Kind (Love Is… Part 2)

By Ife J. Ibitayo

For Part 1, Love is Patient, click here.

I still remember the day I found out that I was going to have a little brother. I jubilated for days while the rest of my family groaned (after having two sons, they were really hoping for a daughter). I counted the days till I’d have a mini-me to teach the glorious wonders of basketball, video games, and the Word. Then he was born.

I quickly found out that having a younger sibling was far less about instructing him to come up to my level and far more about coming down to his. I forced goofy grins as I hefted his chubby little body into the air for the hundredth time. I bit my tongue as we watched reruns of Peppa Pig when I’d much rather be enjoying a new season of The Simpsons. In short, I learned the sacrificial, giving nature of love.

Love Is

1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is kind.” The Greek word translated “kind” is “chrésteuomai”, meaning “to be full of service to others”. Love is far more than a feeling of goodwill toward another. It is an inward emotion that leads to outward action. That is why Jesus said, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13 NLT).

Just as faith without works is dead (James 2:17), so is love without kindness. Apostle James said, “Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, ‘Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well’—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do” (James 2:15-16 NLT)? Love is more than flowery sentiment and good vibrations (1 John 3:18). It’s sacrificing one’s time, energy, and money for the good of another.

Love Isn’t

Kindness encompasses what we refrain from doing as well. “Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged” (1 Corinthians 13:5 NLT).

Firstly, love doesn’t demand its own way. It permits the other to choose—the restaurant, the movie, the vacation getaway—even when its well within one’s right to unilaterally make the decision. In doing so, we humbly value others over ourselves (Philippians 2:3).

 Secondly, love isn’t irritable. As we discussed last week, love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4). It puts up with the sticky hands and screaming voices, the carpet stains and broken dishes, the gaming at 3 AM and the napping at 3 PM.

Lastly, love isn’t vindictive. Just as God flung our sins as far away from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12), so we must forgive one another’s faults. No longer should we see them as Lying Laurie or Lazy Lucas. We must see them with the eyes of Christ—as new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Conclusion

 After hearing about how much love demands, it could be easy to try replace it with a cheap substitute. But just as any true Coke lover knows that aspartame is a poor replacement for sugar, real love can never be exchanged. We must love because we’re made in the image of the God of love (Genesis 1:27). And love is kind.

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”

(1 John 4:16)