Category: Life & Lessons

Siren Songs and Healing Balm

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I never thought that an episode of the hit comedy Brooklyn 99 would leave me emotional. The precinct’s new police captain was a little too perfect, so the officers did everything in their power to find out what was really going on with this interloper. But in the end, all their meddling served to do was alienate the only good captain they’d ever had. That storyline hit a little too close to home for me. Have you ever pushed away a good friend or girlfriend? Have you ever committed an irreversible mistake that still haunts you till today? I have.

As I’ve quoted so often in this blog, “to err is human.” To be a member of mankind is to make mistakes, but to live with the consequences feels so inhumane. There were whole months earlier this year when I woke up every day wishing for a redo button, a groundhog day switch, that’d allow me to undo all of my poor choices. Before I knew it, I’d sunk deep into the dark tendrils of regret and bitterness.

The Siren Song of Regret and Bitterness

Why is the sorrowful siren song of regret so alluring? Because regret is a time travel tonic; sipping on it enables you to teleport yourself back to yesterday and rustle through its shattered remains looking for answers. With 20-20 hindsight you can see the better actions you could have taken and the superior words you could have spoken. You can leverage your present self to beat down your former self.

The second sickly sweet serenade comes from bitterness. Instead of internalizing blame, we unleash it on others. We blame our parents for the way they raised us (or failed to do so). We blame our life circumstances for dealing us an unfair hand. Or we blame God because with His sovereignty and divine purview, surely He is responsible for all we’ve gone through.

These two powerful emotions can shackle us to our past, rob us of our joy, and steal our destiny. But is there a third option? Is there a way to rise above the regret and bitterness of yesterday?

The Balm of Forgiveness

I think the answer begins with the balm of forgiveness. The healing power of forgiveness lies in letting go. Regret stems from holding on to unforgiveness against ourselves and bitterness springs from holding on to unforgiveness against others (including God).

However, Scripture says, “If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Forgiving ourselves means believing that we are not the same person we once were and that it’s okay to not have been the person we needed to be back then. Just as our bodily flesh replaces itself every single month, our spirit man regenerates on a day-to-day basis (2 Corinthians 4:16). And we can’t hold our past self captive to our present self’s capabilities.

Forgiving others is based on a similar principle. By maximizing grace toward others, we minimize the pain we carry in ourselves. I’ve had others threaten my friendships, my future, and even my very life, but only later have I come to know the demons they were wrestling within as they lashed out at me (Titus 3:3-6). If we judge others by our best while looking at their worst, it’s all too easy to condemn them. But considering others at their best and forgiving their worst has a way of healing our own pain over time.

The Peace of Wrestling

Lastly, there’s forgiving God, which is a strange, unseemly concept for most of us. But I believe that we can carry past hurts against God that we never deal with because we conclude that either God can’t really be who He says He is (perfect, powerful, and present) or we must be so far gone that He chose not to show us the trifecta of His loving character. But God says, “Come, let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18). The word translated “reason” in Hebrew is “yakach” and it means to “argue for the sake of bringing someone to a point of understanding.”

When God upsets us, He actually wants us to let Him know. He wants us to argue with Him and confront Him, to express the yucky feelings that we feel shouldn’t be spewed on holy ground because then He can roll up His sleeves and clean up the mess. There’s a reason God called the Hebrews the “Israelites”—”those who wrestle with God” by definition. It’s only in the struggle that we can make peace with God.

Conclusion

So, as we move out of 2024, let us not remain entrapped by the siren call of regret and bitterness. Let us choose the healing balm of forgiveness, let us find freedom, and let us practice faith for a better new year.

“Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
(Ephesians 4:32)

Why Christianity is Un-American

By Ife J. Ibitayo

With over 200 million Americans identifying as Christians, there are more Christians in the United States than anywhere else in the world. Yet I’d like to contend that the core values that established this great nation—independence, upward mobility, and consumerism—are antithetical to the heart of Biblical Christianity.

Independence

Nothing is more synonymous with the United States than independence. Nearly 250 years ago, the Declaration of Independence was ratified, and our great nation has been striving to free itself from all dependence ever since. To be American is to be self-sufficient. We pride ourselves on “pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps” and “going it alone.” The myth of the self-made man has obtained a strong foothold in American heart because it enables us to be the “architect of our good fortunes” owing “little or nothing to birth or relationships” in the words of Frederick Douglass. Yet this fallacy runs counter to our innate wiring.

When God created Adam, He said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).  This truth was never meant to be narrowly constrained to marriage. It’s a broader observation about our human condition. We were made to be interdependent rather than independent, interconnected rather than disconnected. And science affirms this truth. People who lack quality friendships are twice as likely to die prematurely. And loneliness carries the same health risks as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So, clearly, it doesn’t just “take a village to raise a child”, it takes one to sustain an adult as well.

Upward Mobility

The second pillar of United States’ culture is the American Dream: the belief that with enough hard work and determination, one can achieve the wealth and power they believe they are due. Upward mobility is a beautiful thing. It has given millions of immigrants—including my own parents—access to opportunities available in few other countries on the face of this planet. However, when the force of our culture is bent toward advancement, it turns us away from abasement—which is crucial to developing a heart like Jesus.

Speaking of Jesus’ time here on this earth, Scripture says, “Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, He gave up His divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When He appeared in human form, He humbled Himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6-8). Jesus could have been king (John 6:14-15), supreme ruler of the planet (Luke 4:5-7), and commander general of an unstoppable divine force (Matthew 26:53), but instead He chose to be a toweled foot washer (John 13:3-5) and cosmic scapegoat (Isaiah 53:5-6). To be like Jesus is to continually put one’s self second. We subordinate our desires to the needs of other people even if it costs us a raise, a promotion, or something else precious in our lives.

Consumerism

Lastly, to be American is to be a consumer. Our one trillion-dollar credit card debt proves that we’ve become very, very good at this. We equate stuff with happiness and greater happiness with more stuff. This mindset has even leaked into the church—with over three-quarters of Christians believing God wants them to “prosper financially“. We’ve come to see faith as the lubricant for our finances. “Name it and claim it, sister. Believe it and receive it, brother.” In this way, Christianity really has become Marx’s “opium for the masses.”

But the way of the cross is marked by radical generosity. Speaking again of the founder of our faith, Scripture says, “You know the generous grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Though he was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, so that by His poverty He could make you rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9). In like manner, Christianity isn’t marked by how much we get but by how much we give. We must all wholeheartedly accept the truth that it is “more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35) that lies at the core of our faith.

Conclusion

In conclusion, rather than dovetailing neatly, Americanism and Christianity often lie in tension with one another. To be a true Christian in the United States is not to go along with the rest of society but to be countercultural. It’s to turn in our passports and accept that we are resident aliens living in a foreign land (Hebrews 11:13). For just as the world is not our home, neither is America.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will.”
(Romans 12:2)

The God of Second, Third, and Fourth Chances

By Ife J. Ibitayo

A good friend of mine moved away earlier this year. We’d gone through so much together. I remember weeping with her on the chapel floor when she felt distant from God. I prayed for her when she quit her first job and stepped out in faith. But when she threw a going away party the week before she left, I kept my distance.

I was trapped in my head, tormented by voices that lied that she wouldn’t want me there anyway.  As I lay on the wooden floor of my apartment, sicker than I’d ever been in my life, I didn’t know if I’d see any of my friends again. By the time my health returned a few months later, she was already gone.

However, later this year, I decided to return to basketball after a three-month hiatus. To my amazement, I ran into her at the gym. As we hugged each other, I couldn’t believe that she was real. I finally had my chance to give her a proper goodbye.

Blowing My Chance

I’ve been a perfectionist for a very long time. I’ve always wanted to say just the right words and do just the right things because I feared suffering irreparable consequences if I didn’t. In the words of the great sage Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no try.” There is no “trying”. There is only success or failure, and anything less than an A+ is utter failure.

As it turns out, doing everything right all the time is not a sustainable way to live, especially when the stakes are high—such as running a company and trying to graduate with an MBA as I was. When my health began to fail—physically, mentally, and spiritually, I assumed that my entire life would fall apart. I saw myself getting kicked out of my program, running out of money, and living out the rest of my days on the cold streets of Los Angeles. But somehow I graduated with honors and am currently clothed, housed, and in my right mind.

Speaking to my therapist, I described the experience as falling into a giant comforter. I thrashed about as I plummeted through the sky, but something caught me and guided my descent down. It was only later that I knew that “thing” was God and that that comforter was grace.

Conclusion

There is a well-known concept in Christian communities known as “divining the will of God.” We don’t want to end up in His “permissive will” rather than His “perfect will” or, God-forbid “outside His will”. We have to get it right every single time: We have to marry the right person and choose the right job and have the right creamer with our coffee or we just might miss the amazing plan God has for our lives. But God knows that we are screwups for life. The Scripture itself says, “We see in a glass dimly” (1 Corinthians 13:12). And as we bumble around, making errors left and right, God remains unfazed. He will lead us back to where He wants us to go and back to the people He wants us to see because He is the God of second, third, and fourth chances.

“But [God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest of me.”

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Life in the Light of Death

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Unfortunately, I’ve lived long enough to have my share fair of brushes with death. One particularly vivid near-death experience happened the day after I was accepted into graduate school. I went for a walk in my neighborhood. I suddenly heard a crack! of metal crashing past metal, and I turned around just in time to see a SUV barreling toward me. I leaped out of the way at the last second. The car flew past me, flattened a yield sign, then crashed into a tree. In a daze, I registered, I could have died.

Yield Sign That Took My Place

Death is Lurking

In the Bible, Jesus tells a parable about a wealthy business owner. His business was so successful that his greatest difficulty in life was figuring out how to store all his earnings (Luke 12:16-19). But God suddenly appeared to the man and said, “‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself’” (Luke 12:20)?

This is a haunting question. Most of us live as if we have an eternity left here on this earth, but death is always lurking in the background, a specter that could sneak up on us at any moment. When it does what will become of everything we worked so hard to earn?

Life is Short

We all know that our trophies, accolades, promotions, and investments will perish as soon as we hit the dirt, yet we pursue them anyway because we live with the illusion of time. “I can see my grandparents next month.” “We can go on date night next weekend.” “I can tuck my kids in tomorrow.” While we rack up the Benjamins today. But tomorrow won’t always come. Life will be far shorter than most of us anticipate.

Death Encourages Life

So what then? If life is short, is it meaningless? Does death nullify the point of our existence? No, it’s quite the opposite. The Bible exhorts us: “Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a cheerful heart, for God has already approved your works: Let your garments always be white, and never spare the oil for your head. Enjoy life with your beloved wife all the days of the fleeting life that God has given you under the sun…for this is your portion in life and in your labor under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 9:7-9). Ironically, death does not erase life but encourages us to make the most of it.

“Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot.”

(Ecclesiastes 5:18)

Hurt People Heal People

What do you think of when I say the word “pain?” I’m certain that I don’t need to jog your memory for a list of painful circumstances you might have experienced. Your current unemployment, your bout with cancer, or your messy divorce surely come to mind of their own accord. And now that I’ve triggered such unwelcome flashbacks, you must be asking why I would do such a thing. What point is there in reliving pain?

Pain Hurts

But the problem of pain is not the pain itself. From pregnancy to pull-ups, many of us will welcome pain into our lives because we already know the purpose behind it. As many expectant mothers will relate, “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world” (John 16:21). Rather the problem of pain is the problem of meaninglessness.

Meaninglessness Kills

 A close friend of mine and his wife were diagnosed with cancer within a year of one another. Another friend of mine whose been dealing with insomnia and depression recently had a miscarriage. And I had my own fresh hell at the start of this year. When answers are lacking and our wounds haven’t even scabbed over yet, empty platitudes won’t suffice. “God works all things together for good”  (Romans 8:28) doesn’t seem to cut it anymore. What “good” could possibly come from such tremendous loss?

Reframing Heals

One of our greatest superpowers as human beings is our ability to choose how we interpret our past trials. Vulnerability researcher Dr. Brene Brown once said that the power of a story is that it grants us control over our narrative. We are no longer the victim of our experiences but its author. And we can leverage that narrative authority to write a better ending for ourselves and for others.

Conclusion

We don’t have the ability to choose all the hellish things we’ll go through in this life, but we can decide if we pass that hell on to others or leverage it to drag them back from the abyss.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

The Religion of the Wet Towel

Ife J. Ibitayo

“I recommend having fun because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life.” Where is this quote from? Good Morning America? A famous actor like Ryan Reynolds or Adam Sandler? You might be surprised to learn that this is a verse in the Bible.

Which begs the question, why is this so surprising? How was Christianity rebranded as the Religion of the Wet Towel? When did the faith that is supposed to bring “abundant life” become such a killjoy?

The Origin of the Wet Towel

It didn’t start with Jesus. In the book of Luke, Jesus described the words of His naysayers in this way: “The Son of Man feasts and drinks and you say, ‘He’s a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners’” (Luke 7:34). Jesus spent so much time partying and enjoying Himself that the religious establishment thought He should have less fun, not more. Time and time again, Jesus railed against the stodgy buzzkills of His day because they deprived people of the joy God had called for them to obtain. Yet, over the course of time, Jesus’ church has come to be known for the opposite. In its pursuit of holiness, many in the church have lost happiness along the way.

The Consequences of the Wet Towel

Too often, Christianity is portrayed as a religion of “don’ts.” Don’t curse, don’t drink, don’t sleep around. No more partying, gambling, or fun for you. Then, there’s all the stuff you need to do instead like giving up 10% of your hard-earned income. Do all the right things and don’t do all the wrong things, then you will be accepted into God’s family.

I was once part of a Christian organization that embodied this rigid, rule-based system. If we weren’t serving, we were evangelizing. If we weren’t evangelizing, we were studying the Bible. If we weren’t studying the Bible, we were hanging out together—by force. And if I ever missed a church event, woe to me for having chosen the movies over Jesus. I nearly suffered a nervous breakdown trying to do everything right at all times in every way, and I definitely was not having much fun. But Christianity was never supposed to be this way.

The book of Colossians says, “’Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!’ Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility, and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence” (Colossians 2:21-23). This means the true Christian faith is not about restriction but freedom, relationship rather than regulation. Otherwise, Christianity simply becomes another ladder we climb up to prove yet again that we’re worthy.

The Alternative to the Wet Towel

Our society tries to present us with a false dichotomy: be holy and miserable or happy and sinful. But the way of Christ is both happy and holy. It involves self-sacrifice, but it also entails appreciating the bounty God has blessed us with, living at a different pace than the hamster wheel of our culture, and enjoying time with our friends and family. If we’re not experiencing both, that isn’t Christianity.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. [Jesus] came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

John 10:10

Our Anderson Story

Ife J. Ibitayo

Note: This article was written for the graduating UCLA Anderson class of 2024.

I’ll begin with a disclaimer: If you’ve already landed your dream job or “Everything is Awesome” is the song you wake up to each morning, you can skip this post. But for everyone else, please read on. I’ll begin this post by telling my story here at Anderson. Then I will transition into what could have been yours. Then, I will conclude with what our story can be, together.

My Story

I came to UCLA with a single goal for my MBA: launching a mission-driven entertainment company. I founded my company last summer, completed our first product by the fall, and started earning revenue with the help of my amazing capstone team by last winter. But then life happened. My health failed at the start of this year. Four months later, I’m several pounds lighter, several thousand dollars poorer, and I shuttered my dream last month.

Your Story

I don’t believe my story is as unique as it sounds. Many of you left lucrative jobs, close friends, and even home countries to study here at Anderson. You may have seen an MBA as the next rung on your climb up the corporate ladder or the opportunity to make a fresh start. But then life happened to you too.

Your experience here may have left you a little scarred, (Heck, I am too!) but I’m here to tell you that this doesn’t have to define our story going forward.

Our Story

Anderson has a motto, “Think in the next.” Just between you and me, I always thought this sounded a little strange. However, now that I’m about to leave this school, it’s starting to resonate a little more. Because I know that twenty years from now, my fellow graduates will be the leaders, C-Suite executives, and entrepreneurs of tomorrow.

 When that time arrives, I don’t want us to look back on our time here and recall only the challenges we faced. I want us to remember the Andernoons we attended, the free food, free talks, and not-so-free happy hours we enjoyed, and the amazing people that make Anderson, Anderson. I have bright hope for our futures, and I’m here to tell you that you should too.

Conclusion

As I conclude, I’m challenging all of my fellow Anderson graduates to truly “think in the next.” Greater days really are yet to come even if they don’t seem to be here just yet. And know that life doesn’t have to work out perfectly to turn out beautifully.

Enough for Christmas

By Ife J. Ibitayo

As the year winds down, I find myself growing increasingly reflective. I sit by the fire a little longer; flip through old photos a little more. I try to sum up the year via pithy, hashtag-able phrases like #imfreeof2023 and #thankGodwemadeit.

If my previous posts haven’t clued you in yet, it’s been a tough year. I feel like I’ve attacked the topic of “Coping with Adversity” from every angle my finite brain can concoct 500 words. But Christmas is only a couple of days away, and I would be remiss to not speak of “the reason for the season.”

He Was Enough Then

The wonder of Jesus’ birth over 2000 years ago is not just that the divine became earthly but that God Almighty became the least of all humans. To be frank, Jesus’ birth stunk—literally! Polished Christmas plays and immaculate live nativities have done a great injustice to the real noel. Without a doctor, nurse, or even a midwife, the Messiah splashed into a world filled with bleating animals and stinking feces. His first bed was a feeding trough where livestock had eaten, spat up, and reconsumed their last supper. His first visitors were dirty shepherds, who burst in on this already chaotic scene like garbagemen crashing a royal christening.

Jesus was born into the meagerest of circumstances (Luke 2:7), yet world leaders trembled at His arrival (Matthew 2:1-3). He was born at the worst of times (Luke 2:4-6) humanly speaking, yet He still arrived “at just the right time” (Romans 5:6) to save us from our sins. Before He’s recorded saying anything, Jesus had already dramatically altered the course of history. His mere presence changed everything.

He’s Enough Now

This is often how God chooses to operate today. With but a word, God can bring wars to a screeching halt (Psalm 46:8-10). He can still the tsunami outside of us with a mere whisper (Mark 4:39). But He’ll often walk with us through our storms rather than deliver us out of them. He will parachute down into our pain rather than airlift us out of it. He wants us to know that just as a little Jewish Baby was all that He needed to defeat the power of sin and death, His presence is all we need to make it through today.

Conclusion

As we celebrate Christmas and reflect on 2023, we’d do well to search for the telltale signs of God’s presence with us these past several months. Sickness may still linger in our bodies, our bank accounts may still be empty, and our relationships may look more ruptured than repaired. But God’s presence transforms every situation it enters, even if we can’t see it yet.  

“Behold, the virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call Him Immanuel” (which means, “God with us”)”

(Matthew 1:23)

Death, Taxes, and Setbacks

By Ife J. Ibitayo

Benjamin Franklin famously claimed there are only two certainties in life—death and taxes. But I’d like to posit one more: setbacks. And put simply, setbacks suck. They suck the joy out of our day, the wind out of our sails, and the life out of our bodies. When our company lays us off or our girlfriend suggests we “take a break” or our long-awaited callback never comes, we can be driven to despair. With tears streaming down our faces, we may ask, “God, where are you?”

Death

My most recent setback made me think of the story of Lazarus. This man was one of Jesus’ closest friends when He walked here on this earth. But when his sisters, Mary and Martha, told Him “the one whom He loved was sick” (John 11:3), He waited, He lingered, and He delayed. By the time He arrived on the scene, the man was already dead.

Martha confronted Jesus and cried, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” In response, Jesus said, “Your brother will rise again.” And Martha replied, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day” (John 11:21-24). In other words, “Eventually, You will make this right.”

God tells us that He is in control. He was at the beginning, and He knows the ending. And Romans 8:28 says that “all things work together for the good of those who love Him.” But often it can be all too tempting to hedge this promise with the word “eventually”.

Taxes

It’s kind of like when the IRS takes too much money out of our paycheck so they make it up to us in our tax return the following year. Similarly, some of us might believe God has written us an eternal IOU–to be paid after we die. Maybe after this life, in the sum balance of things, we will appreciate this point of pain. But at this moment, it feels like God has forgotten that we’re still among the living.

But Jesus challenged Martha to enter into an even deeper level of faith by telling her “I am the resurrection and the life” (John 11:25). Then He asked her to roll away the stone where Lazarus’s body was laid. In other words, He was asking her to have faith not just for the ending somewhere out there but also for the middle right here and now.

Life Beyond Setbacks

God is a God of detail. The Old Testament is full of chapter upon chapter detailing the minutia of God’s dwelling places here on earth, the garments of His earthly priests, and the hundreds of ceremonial laws God had in place for the Jewish people. And this detail extends to us. When Jesus said that “even the very hairs of our heads are all numbered,” (Matthew 10:30), He was not pointing out an OCD fixation of the godhead. He was demonstrating that God cares about the details even we tend to overlook.

The same applies to God’s plans for our lives. God told the prophet Jeremiah, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). God knew about that bombed interview, accounted for that failed exam, and prepared for that missed flight long before we even existed. Our moments of misfortune cannot negate the unfailing promises God has in store for us, or else He’d cease to be God.

Remind, Rely, and Rejoice

So, what do we do in the midst of setbacks? We remind, rely, and rejoice.

First, we remind ourselves of God’s faithfulness in the past because we will forget. Our brains have a well-known tendency to deeply imprint negative experiences and neglect positive ones called negativity bias. Therefore, we must actively work to call to mind those moments in the past when God came through for us.

Secondly, we must rely on God to guide us past our setbacks. One of my favorite verses in all of Scripture comes from the book of 1 Kings. In the middle of a war between the Israelites and a fierce rival of theirs at that time called the Arameans, God said, “Because the Arameans think the Lord is a god of the hills and not of the valleys, I will deliver all this great army into your hand” (1 Kings 20:28). Sometimes we fall into this same fallacy. We claim God’s provision in our triumphs but we neglect His grace in our setbacks. God is with us both on the hills and in the valleys.

And lastly, but possibly most important of all, we must rejoice during our difficulties. The gospel singer Marvin Sapp has a song called “Praise Him in Advance” that begins with these words:

I’ve had my share of ups and downs,

Times when there was no one around,

God came and spoke these words to me,

Praise will confuse the enemy.

It confuses the enemy because most of us tend to base our happiness on our present circumstances. If times are good, we praise God, but when they’re bad, we doubt Him. But thanksgiving has the power to turn our focus from our problems and our pain to God’s power and God’s plan.

Conclusion

Setbacks may be inevitable but so is the Lord’s provision. The Word says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand” (Psalm 37:23-24). Our heavenly Father gives us permission to admit we may not be quite perfect yet. We can confidently trip our way through life because He’s holding us up. He’s been holding our hand from the day we were born, and He will continue to do so until the day we die.

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
(Deuteronomy 31:8)

I’m Not a New Yorker

By Ife J. Ibitayo

I just returned from a trip to New York City—the home of Miles Morales, the Cookie Monster, and some other, less important people. New York is a complicated city. I’d listen to the siren song of an undiscovered musician as I descended into a subway station. Then I’d choke on the rancid stench of piss as I ascended out of it. Someone once said that those who visit New York will either see “all that glimmers or all its garbage,” and I definitely experienced both ends of the bargain.

But I was most bewildered by the people. New Yorkers are a race in and of themselves. They are brash, confident, hip, and strange. From the men sporting sunglasses on the already cloudy days or the women wearing spaghetti straps and minis in the middle of the rain, I knew I stuck out with my millennial skinny jeans and pullover sweater.

Am I Hustling Enough?

I quickly learned that to be in New York is to be in a hurry. New Yorkers will push past you, scream at you, and literally climb over you to get to their destination on time. Some have defined the New York Second—the time between a light turning green and the taxi behind you honking—as “the shortest time in the multiverse.” And I became well acquainted with this phenomenon as blaring horns harassed me as I lay awake in my hotel room.

 But my lying awake didn’t start here in New York. Ever since this year began, my schedule has taken a dramatic turn. Social outings, hangouts, and Sabbaths all took a backseat to studying, working, and hustling. Some of it seemed necessary at the time. A perfect storm of schoolwork and life circumstances coincided to squeeze the space out of my schedule. But it was only revealing a much deeper issue lurking in my heart.

I remember one late Thursday afternoon when I foolishly scrolled through my email right before taking a much-needed nap. When I discovered yet another rejected application, I lay restlessly in my bed for a few minutes before having to get back up. I didn’t want to return to the grind; I needed to. Because in the absence of external validation to confirm the value of my hard work, I needed the hard work itself to substitute in. I needed the bleary-eyed late nights and the bone-weary exhaustion and the harried, frenetic pace of my every day to distract my worried heart.

Am I Enough?

Too stressed out to sleep and too distracted to work, I went outside for a walk. On that strangely wet and cloudy Los Angeles day, I wondered to myself: Why am I doing all this? Do I hustle because I fear falling behind? Or do I fear not measuring up? Am I enough? And fighting my way through the crowded streets of New York City a few months later, these questions resurfaced all over again.

Conclusion

But there was one beautiful respite that redeemed my Big Apple breakdown. Standing on the top floor of a skyscraper, staring out on the harbor, I enjoyed a rare moment of stillness. A ferry carved a lazy arc through the water as the sun just began to peak out of the clouds. As its warm glow dispelled the gloom from that afternoon’s heavy rain, I knew in my heart that I’m not built to be a New Yorker.

I cannot hustle my way to happiness. I have to religiously carve out time for God, friends, and for myself. And even if the building I’m constructing grows at a slower pace than others’ high-rises, at least I’ll be laying down a sturdy foundation that just might survive the ups and downs—the earthquakes—I know I’ll experience out here in Los Angeles.

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”
(Matthew 7:24-25)